I just cannot pull myself together

[Shiraz]

Hiya all,

I haven't been around here for ages..but i so just need to rant.

At the moment i am a crying mess. I live with my dp of 6 years and we have a gorgeous dd who is nealry 2..(in Jan).

In May last year he was poached to go and work for another comapny and basically they offered him the earth. He had worked with 3 of the directors previously and they had tracked him down as they wanted his expertise and knowledge etc. They emploed him as an Area supervisor,on a per hour wage, plus overtime adn bonuses. At the end of this year we were suffering financially and i went back to work. He was at the time working mostly nights and they agreed to work around my hours as much as possibl as i dont drive, and my sister had dd during the day. As April this year approached they had several meetings about promotion and putting him on a salary 9so doubling his basic wage). This was due to the enormous amount of pressure he was under. I left my job as he could no longer take me to and from wrk and my ssiter found herself a job.

In the June they offered him his salary and said it would be implemented in the August. A few of these meetings were witnessed and should be in minutes aswell.

Just lately his female director has been getting real balshy with him and expecting him to have hardly any sleep beofre jobs as well as going into the office when he has no time and working every weekend.

There was a tint this year wehen he worked 16 weeks without a break incl weeknds. Last week he got his payslip and it was 1k down. He phoned hs director to be told. i'll sort it out on Monday..

to then be told...we never pu you on salalry what are you talking about. He then recieved a shitty letter syaing to become a salaruied member of staff you must improve your perfrmace you ahve been asked several times to do all these )listed about 13 things) and you failed to deliver.

Three months ago he was told to forsake all his duties and just train the satff his directors would cover his admin and all the other bumph...

Now they are denying it all and we are buggered, skint and he is soo upset. I am really angry after all he has done for them...working ridiculous hours, going away with about 2 hours notice....

Now it seems we may have to look at moving as we cannot find any jobs around here that are in his field. He cannot remain in this employment when they treat him and us like this. OUr relationship was at breaking point a few months back as he was ALWAYS at work....

Sorry this is soooooo long

BUT i have no-one to talk to. I live in the middle of nowhere, cannot walk to a shop and have no 'real friends' around here....i feel so isolated.....

Sorry about typo's that was dd and me wiping my tears jointly!

I must say that all this came from dp raising his issues to the fact that all 3 directors were wanting him to do different things and he needed in writing what he is required to do, as his original contract did not tally with any of his 'duties'.

They had two meetings one on Monday and one on Weds...but his director listenend to nothing he had to say and just blatantly lied his way out of everythign.

The company is a franchise that they bought off of a larger companay, and they have to adhere to there rules etc.

Again sorry to warble on but my mind is all over the place....

Right i'm off to get dd dressed (naughty mummy) and
myself some brekkie! xxxx

So sorry to hear this hun I Know how you feel as dh was treated appalingly by his ex firm. He's working for himself now and we still have problems with them more than 3 years since leaving to do with tax. His ex boss complained to every conceivable organisation to try to get dh in trouble,very petty and could've been dangerous.

All I can say is try to be positive, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Make list of the pros and cons, where you could move to if needed, in fact make plans together. I know it's hard facing the truth but it you support each other you can do anything. It doesn't matter how big your house is if you downsize or even rent. Children don't grow up thinking about stuff like that.

It sounds as if you aren't happy living in the middle of nowhere? Is it possible to move near to friends or family? The support would be good for you.

So sorry you're feeling so bad. Is there any chance you could get hold of the minutes of the meetings where it was said that he would be salaried? Also, when he started work there did he have some kind of contract of employment with duties, objectives, attendance hours required and who he would be responsible to etc.
From what you've said it sounds like each of the Directors beleive they're responsible for him and are allocating a full work load accordingly -is that the case? Perhaps he needs to meet with all 3 of them together to thrash out all of this (if only so he can secure a reasonable amount of down time)
I do feel for you. I was in a similar position to your DPH a few years ago but ended up leaving and feeling a failure instead of fighting my corner. Citizens Advice Bureau should be able to help with employment rights and give better advice. Or if you're lucky there may be someone on MN later who can help.
Chin up though hon - don't worry about things you have no direct control over.Sounds like you're being really supportive to your DP and that's what he needs through this. Hope it all works out

bumping before I go out, take care hun

Awwww thanks guys!

We've had so many problems apart from this that just as things are gettign better this goes and happens.

Yes he does have a contract and he is to report to the technical director. However things have been a bit strange latley and it seems the technical director has got into quite a bit of trouble with their head office (but only because the other two denied all knowledge and responsibility of the problem. So he has his arse in his hands.

The other directors are Slaes Director, but she seems to of taken over technical directoers position and he is out on the road, and the general director just appears to be making Mark's life a misery.

He sent them an email yesterday explaining that he had o idea what was of expected from him now as no-one had semt him a new contract etc. And he is happy to do what they have listed if they provide him with a new contract and he recieves their full support etc.

I love where we live and my parents are only 5 mins down the road but we don't have a close relationship. (that's a very long story). I have a few friends around here but most moved away with their dp's etc just after i moved back here. And people tend to stick in their little groups, and are not interested in meeting new people.

Thanks for listening ladies! I just do not have a clue what to do first....

hi Shiraz , i can really understand where you are at ,at the moment, my dp also had the same kind of treatment from his company,you must sort it out sooner rather than later, he has rights and to me it sounds like he needs to adress them citizens advice would be first port of call there you can find out where he stands you may be able to get advice through there web sight.

but don't let it go on for too much longer my dp ended up with a stress related heart attack (age 35!!!)followed by severe depression which got to a level of attempted suicide.he was off work for 16 months.

not saying that would happen to your dp but just wanted to make you aware that these type of work related situations can lead to all sorts of problems if not delt with.

can i ask what field is your dp in?

Hiya Perfumelady so sorry to hear about your dh.

Dp already has a 'heart condition' which was brought on by stress about 4 years before i met him.

He is a Manager for an Industrial Cleaning/Hygiene firm. He will not phone cab as he stands byt that they will just say it is his words against his directors. He's waiting for a response from his leter and the letter said that in two weeks time they will be reviewing whther he is eligible for salary or not. (as they stand by the fact they never agreed to start it. blah blah). As they are a franchise he wil then be reprting to the head office, not only about the difficulty with his wage, but the lack of chain of command, the bickering between the 3 direcots and also the health and safety issues which they are constantly trying to ignore.

The franchise do seem to be in trouble with the head office at the moment, and i know that this would be the correct path to follow on, as it seems after the General Director had his appraisal all admin that was brought up incomplete he has passed the book to dp.

I just hate knowing when he wants to start looking for work, if it means moving and where the heck we are going to get money for xmas from, dd's birthday in Jan and the holiday we have booked in Feb. We only havbe £400 left to pay but not sure where we are going to get that from..plus all the other expenses to boot.

It's scuppering our plans for the wedding, for me takinga degree and taking driving lessons....all because of one Director who will not admit the truth...

Suppose it's just the waiting game now....

i totallay understand your dp's views my dp had same attitude, it must be hard for them because they are the ones that have to work there and if he starts sterring things up it probably would end up being impossible for him to work there.

i know how hard it is ,it is so easy for the likes of me and you to say,thats not right ,don't put up with it, say this ,say that, but it's our dp's that have to face them and to be honest we probably wouldn't practice what we preach if the shoes was on the other foot.

i found all i could do was to be there for him and support him with what he decided to do because i tried the telling him what i thought he should do but that just ended up with us arguing. i don't think there is any easy solution. just let him know your on his side.

he sounds like he knows his field could he not use his knowledge and start up on his own, if he knows that it is a money earning industry, would it not be worth looking into a bank business loan they are not all secured on your home etc i took the plunge with my business got an unsecured loan from barclays and had it paid back with in four months and i've never looked back i now have 1 manager and 16 engineers working for me. what i was once told you will never get rich working for someone else and that is so true. our lives have changed so much thanks to my plunge we are on a definate up, you have just got to beleive in your selfs and go for it. i have a business idea that has a potencial of making no limit of money, it is nearly finished so if you want contact me via contact another talker and i will email you all the details

Legally I would go to a solicitor pronto, the solicitor can demand to see the minutes of those meetings. Was he in a Union? If so, contact them too. The firm have a legal obligation to carry out their promises, especially if this has been put down in writing as that constitutes part of his contract and they could be in big trouble under Contract Law. A solicitor would be able to advise you more about where you stand. You might also be eligible for Legal Aid, so ask, but in any case I think it still goes that you have up to an hour's free consultation with a solicitor, more than enough time for them to decide if they can help you.

Agree that you need to move somewhere you are happier, but don't agree that this firm should get away with this.

PerfumeLady he did have his own business when i met him, well i say own, he co-owned it but it was a friend of his ex wife and he ran off with all the money!!

He does want to set up on his own and we have discussed it more often than not over the past few years and he is excellent at his job and brilliant at sales also. It's just the money part. Business would not be hard to come by as there is everything from factories, restaurants, hotels, raf bases, even domestic houses that he can sell to.

It's a big step, I know he can do it i suppose i just worry, how we are going to cope financially.

Not sure if i could get a loan either as i have a ccj from when i was out of work nearly 6 years ago (i was made redundant and arranged a fee with the creditors but the girl i spoke to made a training error and agreed something they wouldnt honour) I was too naieve to take it further.

But let's just say it is an option! Nice to see other people have done it also....

He has a lot of debt against him from his marriage (thankfully not the business), so i am unsure they would offer him a loan.

Rhubarab no he's not in a union. At the moment he ahs been advised to go through the grieving process, whereby he can involve his head office (as they are a franchise).....But as for when and how it happens! Who knows

Grievance even, not grieving...doh!!

Ladies i would like to thank-you so much for your advice and support yesterday.

Today i am feeling much more positive. Even though things are still really bad at work.

PerfumeLady you have actually given me the push to agree with Mark that the business would be the best step forward we could make.

Luckily we know the competition in our area as this is where i grew up and also where dp ran his company before. I've even started looking into business cards and web pages.

We are in a good location and have several small cities around us as well as Market towns, villages etc.

The first stump is the company name.....as he knows how clients can feel about them.

I just want to thank-you all so much. I am still a little down but starting to realise the light at the end of the tunnel....

MWAH XXXXXX

Shiraz so glad your feeling a bit brighter, at least your have something to channel your thoughts into and your find in time that all your negative feelings will have disappeared. what did you mean about company names what kind of thing don't they like?

Well i meant that the larger companies preferred a posher name ie Manton and Clarke Hygiene as sounded more professional, but the smaller companies thought that sounded like they could be too dear and MC Hygiene sounded more in their price range..iyswim.

I am trying to be sooo positive...however if they do not intend to put him on salary then we have no money for food and bills over the next two months, let alone xmas and dd's 2nd Bday.

They are being complete arseholes and saying that they will not review anythign for another two weeks atleastr so we are dangign on a shoestring as to what his income may be! If he'd of known all this beforehand, rather than them pretending, they were investigating his wage, he wouldnt of taken his days off and would of chuffing worked.

Top Marks Hygiene

Sounds as if there's a power struggle going on and your poor Dp has been caught in the cross-fire. What a bunch of B's

Good luck with the buissness though, it sounds like the best way forward.

Ooh perfume Lady that is quite good, i shall put that forward!! You are good God i am not sure if it's got worse or better this morning in all honesty!

As i said a few weeks ago dp is to attend court on the 24th of this month for speeding. He may be disqualified although we are not sure.

Today he recieved a letter from his MD in response to the previous two letters dp has sent to them.

This letter did not really fight his md's corner (ie md tried saying dp was failing to deliver his duties correctly and this is why he intends to review dp in two weeks time as to whether he is salaried or not). Dp responded to that letter saying that salary was agreed and should of been implemented atleast 3 months ago , this was not agreed if he were to change his duties, attitude or if he improved his performance as the letter stated.(he has evidence as far back as 3 months but not really any further). Md responded to this today saying...

'Thanks for your previous two letters. I have now decided that as you instigated to me at the last moment (3 weeks ago when Mark found out) that you have a court appearance at which you may be disqualified i see no reason how i can discuss a salary with you further until after this date. (no mention of you were instructed to do extra duties, the salary was not implemented because blah blah). So he has now thrown the court case into the balance.

It then goes on to say, that if he does keep his licence he cannot return to work until he produces his licence, showing it's new status blah blah.

Dp's other director has said he has shot himself in the foot as that means dp will have to send off for a new licence..as he has the old type and they require the new. Therefore as dp will have a licence and can do his job, he is being stopped from returning to work. Thus meaning His MD will have to suspend him on full pay. also dp will have to find the money to get hold of the 'new licence' which could take months.

Also this is now another 'issue' that has been put in the way to try and skirt around what has actually happened with no implementing of his salary.

Dp had his appraisal Monday last week and his MD was up Mark's ass quite literally. But then called a meeting on Weds and was being a knob!

The letters are getting us no where and he needs to start the grievance procedure, i've told him to call acas....and he will call CAB when they are open.

I know my parents wil help us out the best they can financially, but i can't help feeling guilty. I think she does it more so for dd..which is fine....but i've never had nor wanted anything from them since i was 14. It's alot of pride to swallow.
at this...we've hardly come up with anything..

God i am not sure if it's got worse or better this morning in all honesty!

As i said a few weeks ago dp is to attend court on the 24th of this month for speeding. He may be disqualified although we are not sure.

Today he recieved a letter from his MD in response to the previous two letters dp has sent to them.

This letter did not really fight his md's corner (ie md tried saying dp was failing to deliver his duties correctly and this is why he intends to review dp in two weeks time as to whether he is salaried or not). Dp responded to that letter saying that salary was agreed and should of been implemented atleast 3 months ago , this was not agreed if he were to change his duties, attitude or if he improved his performance as the letter stated.(he has evidence as far back as 3 months but not really any further). Md responded to this today saying...

'Thanks for your previous two letters. I have now decided that as you instigated to me at the last moment (3 weeks ago when Mark found out) that you have a court appearance at which you may be disqualified i see no reason how i can discuss a salary with you further until after this date. (no mention of you were instructed to do extra duties, the salary was not implemented because blah blah). So he has now thrown the court case into the balance.

It then goes on to say, that if he does keep his licence he cannot return to work until he produces his licence, showing it's new status blah blah.

Dp's other director has said he has shot himself in the foot as that means dp will have to send off for a new licence..as he has the old type and they require the new. Therefore as dp will have a licence and can do his job, he is being stopped from returning to work. Thus meaning His MD will have to suspend him on full pay. also dp will have to find the money to get hold of the 'new licence' which could take months.

Also this is now another 'issue' that has been put in the way to try and skirt around what has actually happened with no implementing of his salary.

Dp had his appraisal Monday last week and his MD was up Mark's ass quite literally. But then called a meeting on Weds and was being a knob!

The letters are getting us no where and he needs to start the grievance procedure, i've told him to call acas....and he will call CAB when they are open.

I know my parents wil help us out the best they can financially, but i can't help feeling guilty. I think she does it more so for dd..which is fine....but i've never had nor wanted anything from them since i was 14. It's alot of pride to swallow.

oops that wasn't supposed to go here! pmsl!