Stupid, pathetic thread but that's me.

[FourFortyFour]

I am scared of never being well and I am scared to be normal.

Sat feeling stupid as I cry.

Mmm, can I please come around for tea? I love homemade rice pudding .

Hopefully you'll sleep better tonight, and that will recharge your batteries a little to help you to deal with everything else.

I am longing for some sleep. Even 2 straight hours would be an improvement on the last 2 nights.

I am too. I'm going to go to bed now and count sheep .

Good luck tomorrow.

x

good luck for today x

I am exhausted.

Have you been? How was it? When's the next one?

Hi FourFortyFour, I've been reading your thread and wanted to add to the other posts that I think you're doing incredibly well considering all the stresses you're under right now. Crikey, no wonder you're exhausted.

Did you see your therapist today?

I have been, it was hard and the next one is next week if I decide to go.

I cried a lot.

She said she didn't know if she could help me. One problem she asked me why I do it and pretty much said there is your answer. I don't think she gets me at all.

If this is the first time you have seen her? When you say you don't think she gets you do you mean you fear she will struggle to understand you and be unable to be empathic towards you?
Do you think that is how you feel about yourself? That you don't "get" yourself?

sorry-- IS this the first time?

I think she can't understand why I do things that hurt me.

How much do you know about the therapist? Is she trained in a particular therapeutic model and does she have experience with patients/clients with the same sort of issues as you? Sometimes it is difficult to "click" with someone, particularly after she said she wasn't sure she would be able to help you. Not very confidence inspiring I'd imagine. Has she said she will refer you on if she is unable to help you herself? Her not being able to help you says much more about her than it does about you. Some therapists can't deal with self harm/self hurting behaviours very well, some are great.

She said she isn't medically trained.
Seems to have lots of letters after her name.
I got the impression she thinks money isn't a problem - she said as much.
She can't guarantee it would work.
If I paid in advance I would get a discount but if it worked sooner I wouldn't get any money back. Same with if I do pay as I go. She said she prefers to have people pay up front as it commits you more.
She said after having a lot of counselling all I have to lose is time and money.
She gave me an elastic band to snap instead of slapping myself to bring me back to reality.

Gosh, sorry I don't understand that. What does "not medically trained" mean?

and this:
If I paid in advance I would get a discount but if it worked sooner I wouldn't get any money back. Same with if I do pay as I go. She said she prefers to have people pay up front as it commits you more.
I've only ever had a small bit of non-NHS therapy but I've never heard of this payment system. Hopefully someone else will come along with some more knowledge. I'm just a bit alarmed by her saying that she is not sure she will be able to help you but wants you to pay a lump sum up front.

I think the comment about not helping me was about one issue. The second issue made me cry and is the only thing I ever cry about is what I assume she thinks she might be able to help me with. She said there won't be a plan it will be what my subconscious lets out. I am all mixed up. The second issue is to do with a person in my past and they have just rung me and confused me even more. I really need to talk to my husband but he is in a meeting.

The medically trained thing is in relation to she can't give me a diagnosis. I was reading out some of a psychiatrict report I had had done and couldn't read some bits. She said she couldn't help me if I didn't tell her.

Hope you don't mind me butting in

Have you seen a psychiatrist under the NHS for your depression? Who has prescribed you psych meds (if any) in the past?

If you are already under an NHS Dr I would seriously consider requesting a therapy referral via them... you are more likely to get a 'bone fide' therapist and one more likely to meet your needs

Sorry if you've already gone down this route

I have seen a psychotherapist most recently but had another counsellor years ago. I am on drugs which my GP and hospital doctors have prescribed. I have had my NHS entitlement.

Presumably you are paying privately now though?

Your NHS team would still be able to refer (or at least recommend) a therapist should you wish to pay privately

Yes, it will be £500 or £600 depending on how I want to pay.

I think notnowbernard has a good suggestion in asking your NHS team for a recommendation.

It really annoys me that the psychotherapeutic services are capped. If you're not better within their timeframe you're in a worst position than if you hadn't started. Can they really not offer you any more psychotherapy on the NHS?

Would you consider using that money for a therapist recommended to you by your NHS team? After all, they presumably know you and your history well and will be best placed to find a therapist/therapy most suitable for you

I don't know who my NHS team is.

When did you last see your psychiatrist? If fairly recently, you could phone his/her place of work (ask to get put through to their secretary and explain the issue. They should be able to help with the next step)

Or you could ask your GP to re-refer you to the psychiatrist if it's been ages since you last saw them

It was about 5 months ago. I think if I was allowed more counselling I would have to start again with someone new.