Stupid, pathetic thread but that's me.

[FourFortyFour]

I am scared of never being well and I am scared to be normal.

Sat feeling stupid as I cry.

no advice but just wanted to reply (don't know backstory)
You aren't stupid

You are kind but I am.

let me be the judge of that - fancy telling me about it?

Are you getting help at the moment?
(and don't count me! Struggling to cut a tomato in a stright line)

I have arranged some therapy on Wednesday and I am terrified.

you poor thing :(
Hope it goes well - I bet it will help

Hi FourFortyFour, please don't cry.

You can be well, and all of the other things that you'd like to be. I hope that Wednesday goes well - it's great that you're taking the 1st step.

I am trying to hard to not cry or at least do it quietly as dh has just come to bed. I have had counselling before and still can't deal with stuff. It feels like my heart is breaking and I am too tired to fight,

Can you talk to your DH about how you're feeling? If you can, can you wake him up and ask for a hug and a cup of tea?

I really can't. I need to be on my own and cry it all out but that won't happen as I really need to sleep having got very little last night to the point that I tried to do something impossible, forgot to lock the door and just wasn't here all day.

Well, in that case I've made you an internet-y cuppa: .

Try to get some sleep (I type this having got out of bed after 2 hours of not getting any sleep), then take it as easy as you possibly can tomorrow.

thank you

dh is watching tv but i will try and sleep

I'm really sorry that I don't have any insightful advice.

Keep being brave (which you are being by beginning to tackle this), and good luck on Wednesday.

off to bed now - hope you are already asleep and wake up feeling rested
Good luck for Wednesday - the start of things getting better

I am still in a mess but thank you very much for all your kindness last night x.

What are you up to today?

I am currently ironing have been for 2.5 hours then I need to tidy up. Waiting for school to phone me about bullying again and planning an early night as I have had no sleep again. I am also making notes for my therapy session tomorrow. Thank you so much for asking. I am too ill to feel about last night and to desperate as I just want to be well and normal.

So sorry to read this four

Without knowing the details I've been somewhere near to where I think you are. It can and does get better.

I am sorry you have suffered Ormirian .

I feel cross I tried to kill myself last year as now I can't try again.

I used to think deep down I didn't want to die, I just wanted all the crap to go but I am not sure how much longer I can keep fighting against the urge to walk out on my life and then maybe end it.

at 2.5 hours of ironing
I really really hope the therapy can help you

I am exhausted but are determined to get downstairs tided once I have eaten my black forest muffin.

Hi FourFortyFour.

Gosh, well done on the Extreme Ironing. I ought to do the same thing, but instead I've just piled all of the clean clothes in DS's room (luckily he's too little to mind yet).

Well done too on preparing notes for tomorrow.

x

Thanks. The lounge and dining room are tidy. The kitchen floor is filthy but I have done enough for now. As usual other things have become priority so not sure how tomorrow will pan out.

I'm in the middle of weaning DS onto solid food, so my kitchen floor is also somewhat...nutritious .

Making sure that you are okay should also be a priority - I understand that other people may depend on you for various things, but you have to be okay within yourself in order to be able to help them.

I know you are right but I have never put myself first, ever.

I used to say a happy mum = a happy home but the babies were younger, easier and less messy then, plus we had less babies.

I am struggling at the moment as I have had no sleep for 2 nights, my dd is in constant pain, my cat is ill and won't get better, I have a new counsellor to meet tomorrow, legal stuff going on, my son is still being bullied and my emotional health is compromised.

But I have a nice tea cooking for the kids and rice pudding in the slow cooker so .