I've suffered with depression for years, on and off Fluoxetine, s/h, seen the CMHT on and off etc.
The last year things have gone down hill, I went back in the fluox a few months ago. Made the decision that my living arrangements weren't helping anything and I was becoming a hermit who lived in one room and rarely left it apart from for work. I finished my degree somehow, gave notice at work and started job hunting.
I landed a job 200miles away, and moved a fortnight ago. I have one really close friend here (who I met through MN, have namechanged for this) and see her a fair amount. Work hasnt gone according to plan - this really should be my dream job when it all works out but its taking alot of hiccups and hugely reduced hours to get there.
I'm living in a share house, where I thought the people were really nice to start with, but two weeks in not so much. I am already barely leaving the house, other than for work or to go the the gym. I found myself camping out in starbucks the other day for several hours to get out of the middle of an arguement in the house.
I feel so detached from everything, I supposedly have thriving online friendships which have always kept me afloat, but even those i feel unable to contribute too. I don't want to get too clingy to the friend i do have here, its not fair on her.
I feel like i'm drowning, I drunk until i passed out the other night, which I never do, because I felt I was going to hurt myself and being unconscious was the only way not to do it.
This move was supposed to help me, It was supposed to be a new start, with a new job with great prospects. Instead I just want to run home, run home to a situation which i know is no good for me, and when I realise that I find myself thinking that I am always going to be like this, alone, unhappy, unable to connect with people and I feel like I should just end it all.