I'm seriously struggling tonight

[NorkyButNice]

DH has gone away for the weekend - the first time he's gone away since DS2 was born in July and i was diagnosed with PND.

I thought i was doing so well on my medication but the last 2 weeks we had the snow, then DS1 was ill (so home from nursery) and I feel like I'm back where i started 5 months ago. DS1 (aged 3) is playing up and refusing to go to sleep. DS2 has only just fallen asleep in his bouncy chair after I've smothered his gums in enough Bonjela to fell a horse.

I've had a glass of red wine and it's taking serious restraint not sink the rest of the bottle. I'm wanting to call DH home from his boys weekend away (only an hour away) but it's so pathetic.

It's not pathetic - it sounds like you're doing well

Often when things are really bad you don't realise it. It's when you are doing better that you notice the bad times more.

You were diagnosed a few months ago and now you are coping on your own, with unsettled children - that's brilliant.

Have some patience with yourself!

I'm not coping though. I want to run out of the front door and leave them to it.

They're going to wake up at 5am (as well as DS2 needing feeding at 2ish). DS1 will want to watch CBeebies all day and the pavements near us are still an ice-rink so i can't manage them both. DH has taken the car with him.

I'm such a fecking useless mother. I had to put DS2 in nursery for one day at week at 3 months as it was the only way i could keep my sanity.

God i hate myself.

I am impressed with you for having any serious restraint in the first place!

Try and stay 'cheerful' - no watching the news or soppy movies, no playing sad songs...

Instead, bubble baths, comedy films, do what you can to keep the kids and yourself entertained.

Don't worry you will be fine.

Blimey Norky, you give yourself a hard time! You aren't pathetic or useless - if you are then I must be doubly so, as dh had to give up work when dd was 9 months old as I couldn't cope any longer. I had no PND and I have no other children it was just hard, so hard.

It has been hellish with all the ice and snow, I think we've all gone cabin crazy this week...

The official definition of coping is wanting to run out and not doing it!

You will be ok x

I just wanted to add that I think you're doing brilliantly. I've spent a lot of time on my own with my DDs over the years and it's not easy.

Do anything you can to get through it. If DS1 wants to watch CBeebies all day let him. It'll give you a break. It won't cause lasting damage. I think if the DC are happy you're more likely to be.

norky you sound like me but i only have one dc so you have twice the stress! i too have pnd and it is a fickle illness isn't it? one day you think you're over it, the next you're back in the starting blocks.

i'll give you the advice i should be taking myself - be kind to yourself, acknowledge how far you've come and give yourself a break..a journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step so take each step at a time. cheesy but true.

'The official definition of coping is wanting to run out and not doing it!'

That's such a fantastic thing to read! :)