Dissatisfaction is engulfing me and I'm drowning in..

[dropinthe]

self hatred at the moment.
There,I said it! Not would you normally here from "ole" me but OMG do I feel like screaming at my life and everything in it.
I'm getting fatter by the day and blaming it on an underactive thyroid,(which I do have but I also eat to give myself comfort),don't particularly like DH at the moment,are letting my kids drive me crazy and feel,in general,like a piece of shit.
We never have any money,live in house I hate in an area I hate-I have handful of adequate friends but have no one whom I can really confide in-God,I wish I had a good,dare I say it,"best" friend!
I'm so ANGRY at the moment!
I've had enough of this crappy existence called motherhood and quite often wish I weren't one.

Know what you mean-strange times,eh?
Think you may have seen me like this once or twice before-creeps up quite insidiously really.
I literally could have committed murder yesterday-I know its hormonal but that doesn't make it any easier does it?

Ooh I have just read all the thread and se I got a mention earlier and not for being a moaning manic depressive! Wow! That has cheered me up! Where is the meet up you are going to Dropinthe? Have you been to one before? I never have, but I sense that even if you are going to your first, you will feel as though you know the people already. Who are you hoping to meet?

I have never seen you like that-I just view you as a really strong woman who takes what life has to throw at her with gusto! You are far too hard on yourself!

Oh I don't know. I see myself all the time don't forget!

Re meet ups-I am meeting a few South London Mums at a soft play place near me-I've recently met Mummylonglegs who was really nice and Noidea who was too-doesn't phase me meeting new people-am hoping that the more I will meet,the more likelyhood I am going to meet a "soul sista" who I can really click with-I really need good,close friends to put me in my place,tell me to pick myself up and stop feeling sorry for myself and all those kind of girly things that men just don't even notice,you know?

Its funny how others perceive us.

We could all do with a soul sister Dropinthe. I would adore to have someone I could tell anything to and not worry about how I sound or whether I am going to offend them (because they would never be offended, not because I wouldn't care about offending them!)

dropinthe - I'm a fellow Plumstead girl if that helps being a sista! ha ha

I agree with the soul sista thing. I'd love someone who was in my position and would just get what I'm talking about, dh is great but hasn't a clue how I feel or rather can't do anything to help. I have a sister but she's so unlike me and much older, she's forgotten what being at home all day with kids is like. Makes me feel stupid for being unhappy.

Lonelymum - been looking for you - did the Wellies arrive yet? (sorry for quick hijack).

Yes KBear didn't I email? I thought I did. Anyway, cheque and a little thank you note is in the post!

Didn't get a message from you as of last night. No prob - hope they were okay anyway and thanks.

KBear-didn't realise you were in Plumstead-that's great!Looking forward to meeting you and your brownies!

I'm in Belvedere now but was born in Plumstead and all my rellies lived round there for many years.

See you Monday!

L/mum-we will catch up soon,eh?

Yes dropinthe. I always look out for my special people here on MN!

I am having SUCH a bad day! I have so much anger inside-I just can't cope-I've had a cigarette which has made me physically sick because I thought it would make me feel better.It didn't-just sick!

This all becuase of my stupid Thyroid problem that never seems to be sorted out.I haven't got anyone to talk to and I have been shouting at my beautiful boys far too much.
How long is this going to last?

Read the "Happily married" thread-thought I could post on it and then thought "Who you kidding". Just makes me depressed to see loads of happy people boasting how happy they are.

oh dropinthe, all i can do is bump for you, i really dont know what to say, i put on a load of weight (4 stone) when i was pg with dd and just cant seem to lose it so in a way i understand but prob nowhere near iyswim!

hope things get better!

Cheers! Not so much about weight now,(am trying to address that with excercise and a bit of cutting down on crap food and not so much wine!).
This is just completely hormonal and kicks me in the guts every few days-I'm not like it all the time-ie.now am feeling much calmer now as sat down with the boys and a big pile of odd socks and we played matching them together-did the trick as was ready to comitt bloody murder-may come back later-it is certailny bubbling under the surface.
I just wish my doctor would sort it out-I have to wait 2 months on each dose to see if it works and it hasn't so far!