Dissatisfaction is engulfing me and I'm drowning in..

[dropinthe]

self hatred at the moment.
There,I said it! Not would you normally here from "ole" me but OMG do I feel like screaming at my life and everything in it.
I'm getting fatter by the day and blaming it on an underactive thyroid,(which I do have but I also eat to give myself comfort),don't particularly like DH at the moment,are letting my kids drive me crazy and feel,in general,like a piece of shit.
We never have any money,live in house I hate in an area I hate-I have handful of adequate friends but have no one whom I can really confide in-God,I wish I had a good,dare I say it,"best" friend!
I'm so ANGRY at the moment!
I've had enough of this crappy existence called motherhood and quite often wish I weren't one.

Forgot to say that I feel extremely guilty for feeling like this when in fact I am very lucky compared to most people in the world.

And now remembering I am due at a MN meet up on Monday where I will now be V embarrassed to have started this thread.

Please now ignore me.

sorry you feel crap dropinthe

are you receiving any treatment for your thyroid?

Yes-ten weeks of Thyroxine but can't say I've noticed a blind bit of difference.
Gave up Breastfeeding after 18 months about the same time so weight creeping back up and hormones dictating my very existence as you can tell!

I am wondering if you have the right medication or dosage ... suzywong also had a problem with her thyroid and since she's been on the right medication for it she has been a new woman - I'll drop her an email with a link to this thread. I know from your post it's not just the thyroid that's making you feel crap, but it might be making you feel worse about the other things than you would otherwise (if that makes sense!)

I have talked to Suzy about this on a Thyroid thread.

sorry you're feeling low dropinthe. It's hard to give advice cos everyhting is easier said than done!

Sounds like the meet up may be just what you need - why be embarrassed - they're mners and used to us all being up and down.

Make a special effort to look and feel good about yourself and enjoy the day

If you're still feeling angry go in the bathroom and scream - it can help!

I was on the 100 mg for the first 6 weeks-now on 150 mgs and have to wait another 4 weeks to find out if they are working.

Thanks JT-I always portray a bubbly exterior-always have but have been sitting at home with the boys today and loathing myself.
Have even been thinking about buying Reductil off the webb to help me lose weight if only I had some bloody money!

Go to your GP, you may well get Reductil or another drug on prescription. Thyroid problems can be awful. My mum was literally suicidal when she had an underactive thyroid. It sounds to me as if your dose is too low. IMO drs tend to be too conservative. Go back and explain you are very depressed and still gaining weight.

I think I may have to-I just don't want to be poo pooed and told to go on a diet-I haven't the energy to start being clever with food-I've cut down this week on alcohol as was drinking a bit too much wine each night but I find comfort in food since I gave up smoking 7 months ago.
What bloody enjoyment will I have left?-I can't do the kind of excercise I want to anymore as dislocated my knee in July-I don't even get the time to swim.
Due back to part time work at the end of the week which I don't really want to go back to since doing my knee in-have really enjoyed having my weekends back.
God I'm rambling now-someone tell me to shut up-better still,put me down,eh?

Dropinthe - you're a feisty madam, not a victim, this is not like you (altho I only 'know' you from your posts).

When you feel up to it, you will tackle it all -bit by bit.

Am feeling so sad though-I just get so engulfed by it all and feel so helpless.

Have got no patience with the boys either-feel like killing them!

And DH-he's a pile of crap too!

Oh honey, what a horrid feeling and i can honestly say i understand because i have felt all of that myself.

CAT me if you wanna chat some more about how you are feeling i'd really like to help.

10 weeks of anti depressant sometimes isn't enough you need to give it more time. What you are feeling is not bad or particularly abnormal. I feel for you, really.

I don't have alot of constructive things to say, but i would like to offer freindship if that would help at all.

{{{hugs}}}

Make sure you still come to the meet-up - I will feed you brownies (to hell with weight you need chocolate woman!) and we will chat and you will feel better!

Seriously drop, don't feel bad for venting your feelings, you have to or you'd go crazy. We all feel like it sometimes and it's talking to each other that saves us!

I have a best mate but I don't always confide everything to her because then she'd know IYKWIM! Chatting to strangers is far more therapeutic.

Just read you're going back to work too - that'll p you off for starters! It will be okay after the first day though and once you're out of the house you'll feel better.

Looking forward to meeting you Monday!

Kbear

Thank you CAT82! I'm not actually on ADS yet as they are trying to regulate my thyroid first but may have to consider them as could kill at the moment! Thanks for offer of friendship-you can't have too many of them in my book!

How lovely K-Bear-what a nice thing to say! Don't worry,I will still come.

DIT, no time to make the post I want to - suffice it to say that I could've written your first post in the past few months

Please feel free to CAT me - I'm hoping to cut down on my MN time at the moment for reasons of addiction, but am always email-able xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Whoops sorry dropinthe i obviously didn't read your post properly!

I meant it, and i agree you can't have too many freinds

Oh HM-tears in my eyes! I will-you always seem so strong,like an ox! Always in awe of you-nice to know I'm not alone!

Just a thought, don't know if it will help - ignore if you feel it doesn't... re: your thyroid and weight problem - I don't know how overweight you are, but are you healthy?

If so (and a good friend of mine suffers terribly with a thyroid and is very overwight but all health checks show she is absolutely well), don't put yourself under more pressure with your food.

If your health checks, blood pressure etc. are fine, who cares if you're heavier at the moment. Enjoy your food, don't fel guilty about what you're eating. That can wait for another time when you feel stronger to deal with it.

Hope you feel better soon.

Cor, DIT - if you could see me most days... Let's just say that I must do a very good impression of "together"!

I'm about three stone overweight for my height-BMI of 30 so call me obese!

Its not the quantities of food I eat-just WHAT I eat.I am technically healthy apart from having a crap knee.
I know I drink too much-never bingeing just regular,constant wine consumption out of habit-the last four days,however,I haven't been able to stomach wine and not really missed it either, so maybe a new leaf has turned!