depression

[samlouboo]

ive had depression for five years now after having my first child.ive been handling it with the use of meds but its recently came back worse and ive now changed meds which appears to be helping.after talking to a specialist it seems i need to start making changes to my lifestyle as lonliness plays a huge part.no one ever considers me as being depressed as i always come across so strong.anyone else in similar situation?xxx

Sam, I can empathise to a certain extent. As far as that everyone else assumes I am confident but have blagged it for years to overcome anxiety. Makes it hard for anyone to understand.

I think as now I have a child and fret after anything goes wrong with sleep feeds etc. She does not sleep through after 8 months. I cannot blag it any longer. The sleep deprivation makes it hard to cope.

I supppose the good thing is that all this makes us face up to things and to start making changes.

Maybe there will be light at the end of your tunnel?

your right,there comes a time when you cant blag it.sleep deprivation is the worst,it makes me feel so bad if i dont get enough.
i think i need to stop just relying on meds and try to tackle the problems that cause the depression.
so glad i found mumsnet,a lot of people hate talking about this sort of thing,it aint contagious!xxx

Me too, I love the help on here. Nice to know whatever issue you are not the only one. Some stuff has really cheered me up too. Have you read the crap proucts thread? Hillarious.

That should say "To want you all to name and shame, crap products you have bought." thread. :)

I cover mine up by being a bit of a gobshite or laughing at stuff. Had crippling anxiety after DD but not many people realised. Also a bit lonely because I don't believe people will want to know me if they knew the real me!
Mumsnet has been great for helping me see I'm not alone!

Is it just me but trying to explain anxiety to people hard?

Is it the same for us all? I am curious to know how you feel?

For me its like a big knot and butterflies in my stomach bit like the nerves you get of your driving test but worse. I cannot eat, and if I try I am sick and feel shaky. If bad night with DD it keeps me awake the fear of her waking again anytime soon.

I only survived the first few months by making lists and crossing things off. I cleaned and washed clothes like a mad woman to try and stave off the anxiety.
It is hard to explain!

ooh must check out that thread!lol

im the same,i hide the real me as im sure they wont like me otherwise.

i find that the people who are open to mental health issues are easier to explain anxiety to but its so hard with the others.half the time they dont wanna know as they cant understand ever feeling so low.

i get the shaky,sick feeling too,also get hot,feel dizzy,cant concentrate or speak properly and just wanna stay indoors where i feel safest.i can get anxious about being left to look after my kids on my own too if im going through a rough patch,even washing up scares the bjeesus out of me lol xxx

KenD i do that too! I hoover like a woman possessed!

Sam..leave the washing up!! :)

Another one here.. suffered on and off all my life but have been as proactive as I could be as I got older. Events over the last few years have triggered it in a way I have never experienced.

MN for me has also been a rock.

It is horrendous and I am on Citalopram (40mg) and in counselling, but that is hard work and taking so much longer than I thought.
I used to cover up very well, and have a laughing me that hid what was going on inside, but I have lost the strength to do that any more and am often very very quiet.
I surprise my self when I laugh and think..'oh, I used to do that a lot'

I never give up thinking that I can heal and will be 'OK' one day, but I am tired in a way that I can't explain.
Emotionally, mentally and physically, exhausted to the core.. does that make sense?

I also get that simple things become insurmountable sam, I had a shower this morning and was proud of myself . The DC's are the centre of my world and I keep doing stuff so they have a normal life, not one with a neurotic, depressed mum who can barely cope.

I worry what DP thinks he has done. He thought he was with a happy confident person. That was before I gave up drinking when pregnant.

Now i never want to go out or have a drink as dont want to be home late or have slight hangover as I cant face night ahead. Or let anyone else babysit etc.

Now I am boring,fridgid, anxious control freak of a mum!!

Mittz - Congrats, you are way ahead of me..still in my pjs. Have hoovered though! Made me sweat..thanks Citalopram.

Trying to see the funny side...

Is he supportive LittleBear?

I was lucky with the Citalopram re side effects, but I am stuck, I have abuse issues and at the monent if I cut them down I can not cope with emotions, but on 40mg I am numb a lot of the time and only feel extreme emotions.

Hoovering is one of my coping tasks. Even if I do stuff because I know I ought to, rather than because I am just doing it, at least it gets done.

I clean the bathroom because I don't want DC's mates to think we live in a dirty house sometimes rather than because I am in control and functioning.

Sam, this thread is great. It feels such a relief to admit some stuff. Thank you xx

Well he tries but he isnt really patient. He feels he cant do right from wrong and flies off the handle. I can see his point sometimes. He doesnt do things right/thoroughly/my way. If show him or ask him I am being bossy or obsessive. Think I am my own worst enemy at times.

Sorry to hear you have abuse issues
Mittz. Who do you talk to for support?

I pay for counselling once a week and MN a lot LittleBear. But have to deal with it on my own a lot.
DC's Dad left, my family don't 'do' depression, and I have a very good friend but we don't catch up too often and I don't want to spend all my time with her offloading, although she is very supportive.

Can you have any help? Or get much support? CBT is supposed to be good.

My mum and friend are great. I am lucky there. But there is stuff I have held back. Think thats why I may do the CBT/counselling thing. Dont want them to know how "bonkers" I might be!!

However that said, your good friend if she knows your history wont mind. I know that I wouldnt mind how much any of my friends wanted to offload. If I could help anyone I always would.

will defo leave washing up :)

hoovering makes me sweat like mad,i actually dread it for that reason but i get so anxious and cranky if my house is messy.even if theres too much sunshine in my house i get cranky,how mad is that!!

i started goin back to playgroup yesterday and its made me feel like i actually have somewhere to be and bein on here is the most conversation i get.am not close to family really and a lot of them have had mental health issues too.my friends dont live close and the ones that do dont really wanna hear about it and never visit.lonliness makes it worse.

if it wasnt for my kids i wouldnt even be trying so hard,they are my life.

so glad i can talk to other people like me now xxx

Can I join you please?

I can relate to so much of whats already been said, no-one really knows the horrors that are haunting my mind, even my DH who has been an absolute rock, never lost it, never judged, never seemed shocked (and something have been quite shocking) always smiled aweetlt and helped me through it. God knows why though. I do question his sanity to stay with me through this.

I was diagnosed with Bi-polar in November 2009 after a particulary bad spell, its been traced back to at least 2005. I am currently taking 300mg of quitiapine (sp?) a day. Its knocking me around abit.

Lots of issues with anxiety, i havent left the house with my children without my DH. EVER. They are now 3 and 2.

I need to start helping myself more, and not relying solely on drugs, i need to start 'doing' something about it, but i dint know where to start....i seem to be able to find an excuse for everything though

BabyD, thank goodness you have a good DH.
I have an excuse for everything too...or if someone makes a suggestion I find myself saying "yeah but what if...." A lot of people saying on her how good CBT, maybe that is a good place to start?

I hate the idea that some of you feel lonely. Well thank goodness for MN :)

I think one step at a time. When I first came home had an appalling time in hospital. I never thought I could go out with my baby alone. I am very self concious. Partly because I was in pain from having my coccyx broken in delivery but I was scared people would look at me as I didnt know what to do. Silly things like what supermarket trolley to use and how to strap my DD in. Dont get me started on my stupid pram that I couldnt set up. I took my mum everywhere!

In the end I had to as she got a FT job. And it wasnt as bad as I thought.

I still avoid shops that look to hard to get buggy in though. :)

Haha, thank god you replied, my ishoos couldnt ttake killing the thread

My DS starts Nursery School in January, we have no help from anyone so the three hours 'off' a day couldnt be more welcomed, but he 3 minute walk to the school twice a day without my DH is making me sick already

I can imagine myself next week completely fine, having their friends round for playdates, going to the park, taking them swimming etc. But its always next week iygwim, and i never seem to get to next week.

I seem to think this way with alot of things, i plan for how things are going to be next year, when im 'over' all this and a normal functioning member of society. Next year never comes either.

I go out with my DH and the kids, but Im not very good, i cant change a nappy when out of the house, never have, the idea petrifies me./ When all this started to get bad, DS was about 6 weeks old, DH and i would be walking around the shops, if the baby made a noise, any noise at all i seemed to black out, then Id come in another part of the shop with DH chasing me with the pushchair. I used to just leave the baby in the middle of the shop - how awful is that. I dont trust myself to be with them alone out of the house, what if i blacked out again and left them somewhere...how do i get over that?

Sounds like a nightmare for you. But I reckon you can do it.

I think deep down you know you need some councilling.

Make a pact with you...I will if you will? My GP is booked for Monday and I am going to ask him then.

ahhh, now you see, this is where i would usually add around 3- MILLION excuses why that wouldnt be possible for me, but fantastic for you....but I'll break the habit eh!

I am waiting for my next appointment with my psyc docs as we speak, ill be pushing them for more than meds this time, which shouldnt be too hard as they are always trying to get me to 'do' something aswel as the meds.

I really hope your Doctor can help you, its a crappy way to live really isnt it? The worst part of it i find is that I am so fortunate to have everything that i want, or would ever wish for, but my head just cant seem to appreciate it...iygwim?

Yay!! right then, deep breath for me on Monday!!!

Yes I do. What you wish for doesnt always make you happy.

Let me know your appt is. Or I will come and find you on here!! :)

I read a good article from Marion Keyes about how she felt she had no right to be depressed as she "had it all" but as she pointed out, it doesn't work like that.
It's good to know there are others here who undertand and can support. Otherwise I would be in a room with the curtains closed watching bargain hunt.

KenD

Good point.
But Bargain Hunt...now then that would be a problem!! Could be worse, could be 60 Min Makeover!! :)

My DC's are great

DD(7) is very empathic emotionally and will see if I am sad and give lots of cuddles and stuff, and DS (12) is fab practically, I struggle with crowds of people that I know (school events etc) and he will stick with me until I have managed to find a 'safe' person. I hate things like the school run, although am getting better at DD's new school.

That is traumatic for you BabyDubs,
And I recognise the projecting things, being 'well' and living a different life. Some time in the future. Apparently mine is self esteem linked but I don't know how to get it.

I would gently encourage you to look into counselling options. Although slower than I hoped, it is definitely making a difference in some areas of my life.