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Mental health

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depression

54 replies

samlouboo · 13/10/2010 14:07

ive had depression for five years now after having my first child.ive been handling it with the use of meds but its recently came back worse and ive now changed meds which appears to be helping.after talking to a specialist it seems i need to start making changes to my lifestyle as lonliness plays a huge part.no one ever considers me as being depressed as i always come across so strong.anyone else in similar situation?xxx

OP posts:
LittlebearH · 14/10/2010 14:53

Sam..I hope that washing up is still there :)

LittlebearH · 14/10/2010 14:56

Mittz, sounds like you have done a great job with your kids.

Self esteem...yep rings another bell for me too.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 14/10/2010 15:01

Aww, your children sound lovely, you've obviously done a fantastic job there. Smile

The self esteem thing makes sence, Im quite self deprecating, cant seem to break that cycle either. Have doen various CBT worksheets that explained the thought process to me, but i already knew that. My CPN said 'you've exhausted me' and couldnt go any further. She did try, think I was slightly more extreme than she was used to Smile

I will post my next docs date, should have it by the end of the week.

Does anyone else find that after being around people for a while, and pretending to be hunky dorey, you are totally exhausted??

TheMittzressOfMystery · 14/10/2010 15:01

LittleBear, we have been through a lot as a little unit, and I haven't always been as 'there' for them as I should have been.
I have learnt to be quite practical about it for them as if it was a 'physical' ailment where I needed their help.

I talk about it but not obsessively, the more barriers that are broken down about mental health issues, the easier it might be for people in the future.

DS has had issues so as I learn to cope, so does he IYSWIM.

I go to counselling on a thursday night. One of my small steps...

BabyDubsEverywhere · 14/10/2010 15:04

No thats a huge step Smile

LittlebearH · 14/10/2010 15:18

I agree, a huge step. Sounds like a good approach with your DCs too.

desiretochange · 14/10/2010 15:41

Have recently been diagnosed with depression and start counselling next Monday. Like many here I "keep the good side out" so people assume you are fine. It is difficult to discuss with other people.

samlouboo · 14/10/2010 15:44

washing ups still sitting there pmsl :)

babyd,hey!i was assessed for bi polar this week so am waiting to hear,my brother has just been diagnosed with it after being sectioned and mood stabilisers are making such a difference.

school runs have took getting used to.felt sick,paranoid how i look,scared of bein late so tried to set off too early and avoided bein near the other mums who looked so together compared to me who always looked weepy.

getting ready in the morning can be an anxious time,the thought of my partner goin to work if there is too much to do here,like trying to persuade to get my kids washed and dressed and not be late sends my breathing into overdrive.the last few days have been my best for a long time,i must be giving off an aura lol as other people are actually acknowledging me now.

my partner was working shifts and weekends and i hardly saw him for ages.he has started a normal monday to friday job this week so weekends i wont be sitting in front of eastenders omnibus feeling suicidal hopefully and maybe doing something productive with my family touch wood.

always avoided counselling but now i cant wait,they get paid to listen to people tell them completely insane thoughts,ie my common one is what happens if i let the pram go and im on a hill?????cuckoo i know,or how are my kids gonna cope when i die?morbid.

have been also pulling my hair out when really anxious or depressed and i can stop for months and then start again.anyone else do that?i might as well be honest,i know im a raving nutter by this point.

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kizzie · 14/10/2010 15:57

Hi another one here.

Originally PND 11 years ago (no problems before that). Been on ads basically ever since. Never really managed to get off them despite v slow withdrawals.

Originally mainly anxiety based but depression become bigger factor over last few years.

Im the stereotypical 'whats she got to be depressed about?' Lovely DH, gorgeous 2xDs's, great job etc etc. but sometimes i am absolutely paralysed with negative terrifying thoughts and I just dont see any joy in anything.

I find it devastating, utterly incomprehensible and scary.

Noone who doesnt know me really well would have even the vaguest idea that I have this.

And when Im ok - Im really ok. Love life, very easily pleased, content etc etc.

Makes absolutely no sense to me.

Anyway - very glad to see other posting here. Although v sorry you are all facing the same thing.
x

BabyDubsEverywhere · 14/10/2010 16:45

There is a very strong family link with bi-polar, for example theres me, two of my 3 siblings and my neice, my mom is suspected but refuses to go to doctors, and her dad, my Gdad was a manic depressive (old bi-polar) I do worry about my two children, seems they dont stand a chance Sad

And because of this thread my washing up is still there too Grin

alicemac83 · 14/10/2010 18:03

Hi ladies,

I hope you don't mind me joining but reading your thread has been such a relief!

I only had y baby 12 days ago but since I've felt totally detached from my life. I feel like I'm just going through the motions because I have to. I've talked to my partner but I feel that if I keep talking to him he'll get fed up and not love me anymore.

All I can see ahead is blankness, and I'm not really bonding with my baby.

Am I normal?

samlouboo · 14/10/2010 19:55

very normal hun,i took months and months to bond with my daughter and felt guilty for it.if this carries on and you think its not just baby blues then go straight to doctor.

tiredness is one of the worst things too when having a baby,i hated getting up to do feeds,my partner helped a lot and still does.as long as your honest with him im sure he will be understand.never keep things to yourself,it makes it worse xxx

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LittlebearH · 14/10/2010 20:02

Good advice Sam. Alice it might just be baby blues. I dont think anything prepares you for having a baby. Everyone assumes that you will be elated. But its bloody scary.
Hang in there and dont bottle it all up. Tell your HV too. xx

LittlebearH · 14/10/2010 20:03

Forgot to add - Desire...good luck monday let us know how it goes.

KenDoddsDadsZombieDogsNotDead · 14/10/2010 20:04

Very normal! Remember that your body will be a whirl of hormones, on top of extreme tiredness and huge life change. Don't worry about bonding, it happens to everyone differently and you won't realise how much you have bonded until you look back.
Have you spoken to your health visitor? She is there for you as well as baby.

TheMittzressOfMystery · 14/10/2010 21:15

I am too tired to type much but wanted to say to Alice how very normal it is. If possible, on top of everything else, try to avoid beating yourself up about how you feel, It just doubles the load.

Sam.... I have so many plans on how to rescue my kids if something goes wrong... how to rescue them from a river, fire, an attacker.. I had to stop thinking about the dying myself thing.

I haven't hair pulled, but I have self harmed. Gouging myself with my nails. Or hitting myself on the arm really hard with the rolling pin I started 5 yrs ago at 35/36. I haven't done for about 3 months.

Kizzie, it's like mind arthritis... it doesn't need a reason, it just is. My depression has many issues feeding it but wouldn't we all 'pull ourselves together' if it was that easy?

Desire, it is difficult to discuss with others but having 'witnesses' can make a big difference, even on MN. Writing it down can be like lancing a boil.

samlouboo · 14/10/2010 22:44

i used to hit myself too and dig nails in,mostly when pregnant with second child.this thread is helping so much,its the first time ive ever spoke,well wrote,to people with the same emotions xxx

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desiretochange · 15/10/2010 09:49

I am looking forward (if that's the right expression really) to my counselling on Monday but emotions are something I have difficulty expressing and I can't remember the last time I had a "good" cry (or laugh either) so part of me is terrified that when I start talking and emptying some of the shit that is in my head and has built up over they years that I will not be able to stop crying!!

LittlebearH · 15/10/2010 10:33

To be honest, all I have done every couple of days is cry. But makes me feel better afterwards. I broke down in front of my dr too. Bit awkward but he was good about it.
And I did stop!!

I am sure your councellor wont mind. It will do you good to let it out.

It is a release.
You probably need it. You may feel a huge sense of relief.

desiretochange · 15/10/2010 10:38

Thanks LittlebearH, not worried so much about crying in front of counsellor, more that I feel there is so much unexpressed emotion in me that when I start I will just end up crying all the time and take to the bed IYSWIM?

samlouboo · 15/10/2010 12:07

i cry as soon as i look at my doctor but hes used to me now and deals with me really well.i always feel better after seeing him.

i have gone for five days without being stressed,hiding in my room,crying or suicidal thoughts.these meds are really working :) xxx

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desiretochange · 15/10/2010 12:09

That is fantastic samlouboo:)

samlouboo · 15/10/2010 12:13

thanks hun,im really glad ive had a good week,my partner cant remember coming home to see me smiling in years,hope it lasts... xxx

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MollygoreR · 15/10/2010 12:23

I'm coming out, as it were, as I have had a terrible 18 months, have swum with the tide and am definitely sinking a bit now.
So much of what nmany of you are saying is striking a chord. Expecially no-one else knowing. I am considered Miss Confident Sunshine by most people who think they know me. And 'offstage', I crawl into a ball and bawl :)
Themittz...you were terribly sweet to me on my anonymous thread about ds school problems x
I am not on medication, though I wondering whether to go back and ask gp. I went and wept on him the other day but he said it was all understandable and I was doing evrything I could do.
Some of it is anxiety which is new experience for me...my whole family has depressive tendancies and I have just rolled with that for the past 30 or so years. But the anxiety - the waking up suddenly in the middle of the night with a feeling like being punched in the stomach, and all the fears and anxieties clamouring for attention in one's head... well all that is new.

samlouboo · 15/10/2010 12:31

sorry to hear that,i think you should go back to gp hun and get something for it to stop it getting worse xxx

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