Son self harming - really scared

[moggiek]

My son is an adult (22) been depressed off and on for around a year, and been on Fluoxetine intermittently since then. Have just found out that he has been cutting his forearms quite badly when he's feeling down. Says that he's been too embarassed to tell anyone, doctor included,what he's been doing.

I don't know what to think, what to do. Any advice very gratefully received.

Oh Moggie, so sorry to hear that.

Firstly, you should be proud that he is able to disclose this to you.

Secondly, I would ask him whether or not he has suicidal thoughts. Lots of people do when they are depressed, but clear plans of how he might do it and writing a note, are particularly worrying (I know it is all worrying when you are his mother).

Fluoxetine (Prozac) has been associated with an increased feeling of wanting to self-harm, so it may be that a change of antidepressant is in order. There are masses on the market and many work well.

Mind is a good source of advice and support, both for you and your son. They also have this DVD

www.mind.org.uk/shop/dvds/diagnoses_treatment/628_cutting_the_risk_self_harm_minimisation_in_perspective_dvd

They may have a local support group for young men (depends on local priorities and funding)

Exercise is a proven effective treatment of mild depression. If he can face it, it might be a way of channelling that tension and aggression and also feeling better about his body so that he does not want to harm it.

Jaybird, thank you so much for your kind reply. He dropped out of college a year ago, from a course he really wanted to do, and he's been down, off and on, since then.

He says that the cutting makes him feel better, even though its only for a litle while.

I'm going to look at the link you sent, and again, many thanks.

I'm so sorry to hear about your son.

FWIW I used to self harm when I was younger than your son up until about his age or a bit beyond. All I can go on on this is my personal experience and it was in no way me wanting to commit suicide. I know that is incomprehensible - the whole thing is to most people! It wasn't calling for help either but was a way with dealing with the inner-grief I had.

I felt a great sense of self-loathing for no reason at all - my parents had always been supportive, my life hadn't been particularly stressful on the surface but for some reason I struggled to cope. I got through it - I'm not sure what changed. I guess I achieved some things that I felt proud of myself for and it helped. It is only recently with a stressful situation in my life that I have started to feel the overwhelming sense of pain again and I know that I have to be careful.

Sorry - I'm not sure if this post has been helpful at all. I just didn't want you to assume that your son neccesarily was doing this as a suicide attempt and to try to give an in sight into how I felt when I experienced similar.

It sounds like he is happy to talk to you and quite open. I would say go with that - talking can help and if he knows you are supportive it will help. Try to encourage him to get his life going in the direction he wants - even if it is only small steps - they can feel like huge steps when you feel that down.

I hope that helps a bit.

Moggie, lots of people who self harm say it gives them a release from tension. I would agree with Wineonafridaynight that it is rarely a suicide attempt.

I just meant that, if he was depressed he might have suicidal ideas as well and that is worth knowing.

The other thing to be aware of, particularly with young men is that, whilst they may not be actively suicidal, they may have a "don't care, what's the point" attitude to living when they get depressed, which leads them to do dangerous things like driving too fast, drink-driving, drinking too much and getting into fights.

Not sure if that rings any bells with your boy, but I thought I would mention it.

Thank you so much for your messages, they've helped a lot. I tend not to log on here when he's around, he'd be horrified if he thought I was discussing him.

I SELF HARMED as teenager and in my twenties- i am female though. i found it the only ay to release what was inside me- it was very satisying but i am no so embarrassed about my arms. atthe time you dont even notice the mess etc -i wish my parents had helped me. i think this sounds silly but what about getting your son a punch bag or enrolling into some sport-so releasing that feeling a bit more.
a punch bag- doesnt mean he is angry but the hitting is a bit like a release of pain?