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Feeling so fed-up with my life I just want to run away

76 replies

Squirrel3 · 20/08/2005 13:32

Anyone who has read my threads in the step-parenting section will know what a bad time I have been having since returning home from holiday early, it seems like everyday something else happens and I can't see it getting better.

My family is splintered, so no support there, dd has huge problems too and is (of course) expecting me to support her, dp is being a complete @rse and causeing me more grief, I need to cry, grieve, scream or shout even but I can't because I have to 'keep it together' for everyone else...

Feel like just running away and letting them all get on with it.

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spacedonkey · 20/08/2005 13:36

sorry to hear this squirrel. No advice to offer, but I do know how you feel (my circs very different but result is the same!). MN can be quiet at weekends, so I didn't want you to feel uncared for if people didn't post straight away

emmatom · 20/08/2005 13:36

Hi Squirrel, I don't know your background or anything, but sorry to hear how you're feeling.

Is it possible you ould just run for a day or so. Dp, although an arse, could he be trusted to take care of dd, whilst you go and retreat, even to a b&b or something.

Give you a break and make them realise how much you mean to them. Just an idea.

Squirrel3 · 20/08/2005 13:37

Thanks spacedonkey

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Squirrel3 · 20/08/2005 13:45

Don't want to run for ever, just for a while, maybe everyone will stop giving me such a hard time for a while.

emmatom, dp is dd's step-father and she is grown-up but she still needs her mum at the moment as she has disabilites and her newborn dd has just been diagnosed with the same condition.

My Grandfather's funeral was yesterday and I was very close to him, he and my nan kind of brought me up and because of everything else I haven't had chance to grieve yet and instead of being suportive my dp is being a complete waste of space.

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Squirrel3 · 20/08/2005 13:47

P.s dd also has PND

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emmatom · 20/08/2005 14:03

Oh, I'm so sorry my friend. No wonder you feel you're in a black hole type of place.

Would a good scream in a locked bedroom and hiding under the cover for an hour help in the short term.

Thinking of you.

Squirrel3 · 20/08/2005 14:18

I think that drilling a few holes in dp's boat would help to make me feel better short term anyway

Since my Grandad died he has been so horrible to me, I don't understand why, the latest row today is so silly, dd's washing machine gave up this morning but we have an old one that works in our shed so I asked dp if he would take it over to her as he has a large truck for work and it made sense for him to take it rather than to try to squeeze it into dd's car (also she can't phycically put it in there and I can't as I broke a couple of fingers on wednesday) but he moaned and said that he was GIVING her a washing machine its up to her to collect it!!!! We landed up rowing about it and he has now threatened to put a hammer through it to solve the problem!!!!

I need him to be supportive ATM not to make things more difficult, every time I think that I can begin to grieve for my grandad dp makes things harder for me and I get so angry that I have to somehow 'swallow' the grief, I've got to the point now that I don't think I can hold it in any longer but dd will arrive soon and I will have to be 'cheerful' for her and do her washing and help with the children.

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Easy · 20/08/2005 14:43

write your dp a note. Tell him you feel very down, ask him WHY he is soo difficult with you atm?

Leave it where he'll see it, go somewhere to meditate on your own, and let him come and find you when he's ready to comfort you.

I often think men just don't know how to relate to us when we're down, and getting aggressive is just their defence mechanism.
Or is he just an a?se ?

Squirrel3 · 20/08/2005 20:48

Easy, I think that my dp is a total b@rst@rd not just an @rse.

My mobile phone was playing up and before it went completely I sent a video that I took of my Grandad smiling at me to dp's phone. My phone has since died completely and I have just found out that he deleted it today.

I will NEVER forgive him...

Thats it end of our relationship I cant see anyway we can fix things now, its the last straw!!

I think I actually HATE him.

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Squirrel3 · 20/08/2005 21:26

emmatom, yes a black hole type of place is just the right words to explain where I am right now, the hurt is almost unbearable.

The past six months have been so hard and throughout I have tried to be strong for everyone else and now I need a little TLC and it seems that no-one gives a sh!t.

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Squirrel3 · 20/08/2005 21:28

Except the other stepmums in the step parenting section but they are not about this weekend...

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emmatom · 20/08/2005 23:04

You shouldn't have to put up with this, from him, should you.
Can you tell him to foxtrot oscar and if so, are you in a position to cope financially, etc. on your own.

Emotionally, you'd be better without him wouldn't you, as he's providing no support whatsoever, quite the opposite in fact.

Have you ever told him to leave before?

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 07:58

emmatom, no I haven't told him to leave before, before my Grandad died he was kind and considerate, it seems like he has undergone a complete personality change just when I neded hm most.

I'm not really in a position to cope financially on my own but I will cope somehow I'm sure. I'm usually such a strong person and I will cope with anything life throws at me.

Losing my Grandad is hard, he was ill for a long time and I know he was ready to go, it was the best thing really because he was suffering. I guess the past few months are 'catching up' with me, I tried so hard to stay positive and up beat for him when deep down all I wanted to do was scream at God "its not fair, why are you letting him suffer like this?"

My Grandparents were the only people in my family who cared about me, my childhood was shall we say less than happy, my father was abusive to the point that I was stabbed by him on two seperate occasions and I suffered a brain injury from him throwing me against a wall which resulted in mild epilepsy (the good thing being I haven't had a fit for years). My mother was and still is cold and self absorbed (infact that description of her is being very kind), I left home on my 16th birthday.

Sorry I'm rambling, I just wanted to make the point that my grandparents home was my only refuge and as my Nan died a few years ago and now I have lost Grandad I feel so alone.

The funeral service was lovely, a fitting tribute, but dealing with my family was awful, I had to sit and listen as my mother was proudly telling distant cousins that she is a great- grandmother when she has shown no interest in them whatsoever (not that I or my dd would let her anywhere near them), she even put dgs's life at risk even befroe he was born. My older brother has hemaphelia, which means that dd, myself and my mother could be carriers. When dd found out she was expecting a boy the question of hemaphelia arose. The hospital tested dd but the results bame back inconclusive so they tesed me, same result. They asked me if I could talk to my brother to find out the details of his condition but as my mother threw him out when he was 16 and I hadn't seen him for years, I didn't have a clue where he was.

The GP got in touch with my mother to try to find out and she told him that my brother didn't have hemaphelia and I was lying, she then wrote a very nasty letter to my pregnant dd 'congratulating her on the origional way she had found on informing her that she was going to be a great grandmother', we did not ask the GP to do it and FFS she had never shown any interest in my dd anyway. The GP didn't believe her and did his own 'digging' and he found out the my brother did indeed have hemaphelia therefore she had put my dgs at risk, they had to take extra precautions during the birth because of the risk of him bleeding out and test him as soon as he was born. Fortunately he didn't have it and it all was ok, but it could have been so different if the GP had taken my mothers word for it and he did have it.

I'm rambling again, but I've got to get it all out, even if no-one listens.

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Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 08:06

oops sorry, just re-read that, the 'even if no-one listens' sounds so pathetic...

I'm not usually so pathetic.

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Caththerese1973 · 21/08/2005 08:19

squirrel3 it sounds like your dp just does not realise that in essence, you have lost a parent rather than a grandparent - no wonder your grief is so intense.
Is it possible that he accidentally deleted the phone thing? Or did he do it to spite you?

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 08:27

I don't know if he did it deliberately or not, he has just changed so much lately, before Granda died he would never have said that he would 'put a hammer' through the washing machine to solve the problem, he would have just taken it over to dd. I do so much for his children and I do it bcause I want to and he used to be the same with mine.

The past month I hardly recognise him.

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Caththerese1973 · 21/08/2005 08:45

well before going into 'I'll never forgive you!' mode you should probably ascertain whether or not he deleted the phone on purpose! Do you think his personality change has anything to do with the fact that he can't handle you being in a state of grief and not focussing entirely on him? I might be a cynic, but most men are terrible self-centred and expect to be 'number one' in their wives' and partners' minds.
My ex was even jealous of our toddler dd.
I am not condoning or making excuses for his behaviour, just proffering a (somewhat embittered) perspective.

emmatom · 21/08/2005 10:35

Morning Squirrel, have you considered Caththerese's comments? As she said, it's no excuse for his behaviour, but could he have accidently deleted your photo and is he being totally insensitive because he just can't deal with your deep distress?

If that's not the case I can't believe what a bar steward he is being.

You've been holding so much in for the sake of your Grandad, now it's time you had the help you need.

I'm so sorry to hear of your background, no-one whould have to go through what you did.

You've not mentioned getting medical help. Is that an option, someone to talk to about all this and who is in a position to offer further options for you.

Have you said straight to partners face, 'why have you changed suddenly, I need the support you used to give, has anything happened to make you into this different person?'

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 10:44

Emmatom, I don't know if he did it deliberately, he hasn't spoken to me since yesterday morning, he slept in the spare room as he has done ever since Grandad died.

When he moved in with me he promised that I would never have to go through bad times alone again, yet here I am alone turning to a computer to talk to faceless people I don't know, almost begging for someone to talk to me, comfort me in some way. Has my life really resorted to this? No-one to talk to, no-one that cares, its so pathetic, I feel so bloody worthless

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Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 10:50

That last post wasn't meant to be insulting to anybody in any way, its just ...

Crikey, I hope you know what I mean.

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Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 13:10

Sorry, I've alienated everyone on MN, I think that you are all wonderful, what I was trying to say was that its sad and pathetic that I have to turn to people that don't know me for support when it should be my family and my dp who are there for me.

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jabberwocky · 21/08/2005 13:28

Squirrel, I'm sure you haven't alienated everyone , you're having a hard time right now and that is where MN is at its best.

Was your dp very close to your grandfather? Is he going through the grieving process but in a different way than you? Would you feel able to talk to him about it?

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 13:33

Phew, thank you Jabberwocky, my dp never even met my grandad, he never came to the funeral, he didn't even come to the wake afterwards to support me although I asked him, he said he couldn't because he had to go to work.

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dropinthe · 21/08/2005 13:35

I wish I'd been around to talk to you this morning-you really do need to talk don't you?
It doesn't matter if it is to a screen-ANY comfort you can get sounds better than the little you are getting from your partner.Has he really not got a clue about your need to grieve?

dropinthe · 21/08/2005 13:35

I wish I'd been around to talk to you this morning-you really do need to talk don't you?
It doesn't matter if it is to a screen-ANY comfort you can get sounds better than the little you are getting from your partner.Has he really not got a clue about your need to grieve?