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Mental health

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Original poster

Feeling so fed-up with my life I just want to run away

76 replies

Squirrel3 · 20/08/2005 13:32

Anyone who has read my threads in the step-parenting section will know what a bad time I have been having since returning home from holiday early, it seems like everyday something else happens and I can't see it getting better.

My family is splintered, so no support there, dd has huge problems too and is (of course) expecting me to support her, dp is being a complete @rse and causeing me more grief, I need to cry, grieve, scream or shout even but I can't because I have to 'keep it together' for everyone else...

Feel like just running away and letting them all get on with it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 13:43

P.s its difficult to talk to someone who is being so, so, I can't think of the right words to describe him ATM.

The way he has treated me since Gdad died, I must admit has made me 'distance' him, IYKWIM.

When things like this happen you turn to your family and friends for support and you partner should be right there, Before this happened I thought that I could trust dp if anything like this was to happen to look after me emotionally and (not to be all wise and say all of the right things and do all of the right things) I just expected him to be there for me, not to make things more difficult. I don't know if we could ever get that 'closeness' back again now.

I guess I'm feeling a bit betrayed in a way.

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Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 13:44

dropinthe, thank you

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dropinthe · 21/08/2005 13:44

Again!By someone who SHOULD love you.

dropinthe · 21/08/2005 13:47

Look-I may have to get off here v soon as my youngest as awoke and hates me on here-if I do its not because I don't wish to talk anymore ok?I have no good advice to give because yours' is a unique situation but I do know the need to have a sympathetic ear sometimes.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 13:49

Its ok I understand, I'm a Mum of two, Grandmother of two and a stepmum to four, I know what its like, thank you for caring enough to post.

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Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 13:51

P.s I don't feel quite so 'raw' at the moment, just very down.

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jabberwocky · 21/08/2005 16:32

Don't know what really to say at this point. Is he just so uncomfortable being around grief that he can only totally withdraw do you think?

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 18:08

He popped in for a while and appologised for deleting the video, he said he had been in touch with tech services to try to find a way of getting it back, but it can't be done.

Then he was off again, don't think he is being like this because he feels uncomfortable as when his X-wifes' father died (not long ago) he was very supportive and said and did all of the right things for her, so its just me...

My Uncle phoned me to make sure I was Ok, which is a nice suprise as we havent had much to do with each other since I was a little girl. At least one member of my family actually cares, I talked to him about it being harder to cope with losing Gdad with the family being so 'splintered' and he told me that if ever I wanted to talk I could phone him. I was really touched, don't know if I will take him up on the offer because I don't really know him now, but to know the offer is there means a lot.

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emmatom · 21/08/2005 19:03

Hi squirrel, I'm in and out all day so only posting as and when I can.

Going back a few posts, you definitely didn't alienate me or anyone else, I'm sure.

Sometimes, it's easier to off-load to face-less unknowns anyway, as you then don't have the further guilt of worrying anyone closer to you, so it's not pathetic of you to off-load at all.

Good news about your uncle. I wouldn't be surprised if there are other relatives around who, if they knew how you were suffering , would reach out to you.
The problem with us women, is we don't like to admit needing help, see it as a sign of weakness. And because you've been holding in all your stress and worry because of looking after your Grandad, they all probably think you're a coper. It is not a sign of weakness to need help and you should ask. When your uncle makes contact again, or you call him, tell him, honestly, how bad you are feeling.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 19:17

Thank you emmatom for getting back to me, there are no other relatives else really, there is another Uncle but he didn't even go to the funeral, not sure why, another family feud I think. Its crazy, why are some families like this? or is mine particuarly bad?

I don't understand why the family is like this as my Grandparents were caring, sometimes strict (all children need boundries), but they were always loving and fair.

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emmatom · 21/08/2005 19:21

Reach out to this uncle then. Phone him and talk, like he has offered and take it from there.

What's the latest on partner.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 19:32

I don't know where he is, he will probably come in late then go straight to bed in the spare room again, get up tomorrow, not talk to me, go to work, come home, not talk to me... well you get the picture. Why should it always be me that tries to talk to him to try to sort things out? Only this time I'm not sure that I want to, I've seen such a different side of him, I honestly didn't think he could be like this.

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emmatom · 21/08/2005 19:35

You can't carry on like this then. He reaches out or he goes, doesn't he. You've tried the reaching out bit.

Have you tried the 'that's it, it's over, pack your bags, I really can't take any more, and I mean it this time' approach and changing the locks sort of thing. Would you really do this?

Also, as mentioned before, would you consider a chat with the Doc, who could offer some help?

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 19:36

Maybe I will take up my uncles offer, we are going to scatter Gdads ashes together, some here (with my Nan) and some in Wales where he was born and grew up.

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emmatom · 21/08/2005 19:38

Good for you. I really don't think you have anythin to lose by doing that, and hopefully some good will come from it.

Have to go again for a bit, but can still 'pop in' as and when.

Take care and have a good evening. I might be able to be back on later.

dropinthe · 21/08/2005 19:40

Am still thinking of you Squirrel3 although posting on lighter threads! Be strong whatever you do!

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 19:43

Sorry posts corossed, my tying is a bit slow atm because of the broken fingers.

I had seen the Dr before gdad died and he sorted out some counselling for me but then Gdad went and my dgd was diagnosed as having the same condition as dd, dp was being an @rse... and I know it sounds mad but I didn't feel up to meeting a stranger and going through all of it with him/her, I know that that was probably the time to go but I missed the appointment, the Dr will probably moan at me for wasting the appointment.

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Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 19:47

I know you are dropinthe thank you, sorry my typing is so slow I can't keep up with you.

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Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 20:07

emmatom, I haven't actually told him to go, he's not been around for long enough for me to say it!

He mumbled his appology about deleting the video through the bathroom door while I was in the bath then he went out again.

I know he is being a pig and I don't know if we could ever get back to what we were after this, but I don't know if the grief is colouring my judgement about wanting him to go, I'm confused i don't now if this is the right time to make this decision or not.

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littlesteppers · 21/08/2005 20:12

hi squirrel.

im really sorry your going through what you are at the moment, i really feel for you.

i know sometimes the hardest thing to handle, is trying to work out dp has changed all of a sudden.

thinking of you.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 20:21

Thank you littlesteppers, I don't feel quite so alone now, what would I do without MN?

Men eh? and they say that we're confusing!

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kath4kids · 21/08/2005 20:57

oh Squirrel big hugs.

Glad that u enquired about the counselling coz that was what i was going to suggest.

As for making life changing decisions maybe now isn't the best time but I have to be honest I think your dp needs to know what you are feeling.

Men are very good at burying their heads in the sand, but like you say he did and said all the right things not so long back.

You have got enough to deal with at the minute without having to be worried about him you need to know whether you have his support or not. You deserve more than this.

Here if you need me.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 21:10

Thank you kath4kids, I know you are a SA officer, if you could remember me/the family/the situation in your prayers, it would be such a comfort to me.

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kath4kids · 21/08/2005 21:12

no probs. Here if u want to talk

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 21/08/2005 21:17

Thank you so muc kath4kids, but I'm so tired now, the stress of all of this and not sleeping last night has worn me out. I'm not thinking clearly, I think I need a good nights sleep, maybe things will not seem so bleak in the morning.

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