PND - coming and going?

[Verso]

I was diagnosed with PND a couple of months ago, and offered AD's (Cipramil). Anyway, I've managed not to take them yet, as DH has been on school holiday (teacher) so I've been getting more sleep and breaks during the day as well. I was wondering at the time if it was just pure exhaustion (I am BF so do all the night wakings).

Thing is, I've started to get worse again this past week. Couldn't get back to sleep this morning at 1am after feeding DD, and just ended up crying and crying. I had a bad birth and my body is pretty much ruined, which doesn't help.

Is it possible for PND to come and go like that, or do you think I'm just tired? Also does anyone know how bad the side-effects from Cipramil are? I'm scared to take it in case it either makes me worse or messes with my head so I can't do my job when I go back in October.

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I probably shouldn't have posted at a weekend. I think the boards are more active during the week. Thanks for your reply though, Lynny.

could your period be due Verso, making you feel worse?

I think it is different for everyone - some people have big ups and downs with depression, whilst others don't. are you getting proper treatment for physical problems following birth. any AD side effects are likely to be worst for the first fortnight till your body gets used to it, so probably more sensible to start taking them now, whilst your DH will be around during the day. I think you need to talk the AD thing through with a sympathetic health professional - HV/GP.

I have over the last ten years taken various ADs and have found them enormously helpful, so do think they are worth a try. I have never found that they messed with your head. You can feel a little worse the first few days you take them - more jittery/anxiety. I have only taken Cipramil (it's Citalopram isn't it??) for a week (then found out I was PG) but had absolutely no side effects - thought the mild nausea was due to the tabs but think it's more likely due to being 5 weeks PG!!!

Likely side effects I have found when you start an AD are: nausea/lack of appetite/sleepiness/insomnia/anxiety/upset tummy/constipation - these are only temporary and should last at most 2 weeks.

also have you spoken to anyone re:the bad birth. there are some useful web sites about traumatic births - birth trauma association/sheila kitzinger birth crisis website, and also babycentre has a couple of good relevant boards - one about traumatic births and one about your body after birth. some people find it helpful to go through their birth notes with a senior midwife.

hope you feel better soon.

Hi Verso

Sorry your feeling like this.
I agree totally with what Mummytosteven said. I was once told that when women give birth at one time or another you feel the need to talk about it. I think if you have had a traumatic birth this is even more true.

Do you have a good HV or GP you can talk things through with, maybe even take your dh so he can have some understanding as to what you are feeling/going through.

I suffer with anxiety which started 2 weeks after the birth of my dd. I won't go into all the details (don't want to bore you )
For me it does come in waves and it's always around the time of my period. I find now it's every other month which is very strange but I see it as a good sign that hopefully it's now on it's way out!

I hope you manage to get some help with this and you start to feel better soon.

Thanks for the replies. I'm BF so I haven't had a period yet, but I suppose it may be due. Not sure.

I've spoken to the Birth Trauma people and they asked me to do an interview for the Evening Standard because my experience was so unusual. I did do it, but thankfully they didn't publish in the end (I got cold feet so was quite glad they didn't).

I have a meeting with the head of midwifery at my hospital next week, and am going with my postnatal counsellor. I had a response to my complaint but they just said they'd lost my medical notes (which isn't true, because I had them in my hand when I saw my consultant this week!) and so couldn't comment.

Very scared about DH going back to work and me feeling like this... but not sure AD's are the right route. Would I feel normal on them? Glad to hear they don't mess with your head... Just want to feel happy about my DD rather than scared and anxious.

DH and I just had a huge row about his MS He was saying how he's scared he'll die by suffocating to death, and he can't cope with me being depressed and low as he needs me to be strong. I hadn't heard that was what can happen with MS but he says it's common to catch flu and die that way.

I totally freaked out... think I need to start those AD's soon.

I've called my counsellor and also the MS Nurse and left messages for next week. I think I need some more help here...

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sorry to hear of your husband's health problems. agree with lynny that it sounds like you both need support with what's happening in your lifes atm. hope that the counsellor and MS Nurse are of some help to you.

I certainly felt normal on ADs. I found that the effect of them was to gradually and subtly change life from unbearable to bearable over the course of a couple of months.

I'm getting more and more persuaded that the AD's might be worth a try. How long did you have to stay on them for? Were they difficult to come off?

Lynny70 - thank you so much for your message. You sound as though you really understand!

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The MS nurse is coming round on Thursday, and I'm seeing my GP again tomorrow. Still not sure about the AD's, but fed up of bursting into tears all the time/getting angry/feeling a failure etc.

Bad night with DD last night so I might get quite low today as knackered. We shall see.

verso, how about planning a little visit to a friend with child/ren to coincide with when dh goes back to work? it will give you an outsider's perspective of your difficulties from someone who already knows you and has prior experience of children so can pass on handy advice. it will also mean that you do not have the other pressures of the home, shopping etc. and just looking after Anneke which will be a mini break for you. also, being away from dh will give both of you some respite from the daily difficulties as, correct me if I am wrong, you have little help in the way of family nearby so it possibly feels like you are living in each other's pockets. Dh probably needs the break too but cannot bring himself to admit it.

I've not seen any of your posts before, but how old is your dd? I had PND after the birth of my DS (triggered I think by the birth mainly), which did come and go to some extent. It was a lot better when I had support with ds, and if dh was around, but terrible when I was on my own.

I was prescribed AD's, but didn't want to take them, partly because of the possibility of passing the drugs on through breast milk. However, I don't think this is such a big issue as I thought it was, but my GP wasn't very well informed about the issue.

I do think that bfing can exacerbate the feelings, especially if you're doing night feeds. I was at my worst when ds was about 6-9 months because he was very hungry and feeding several times in the night (up until then he'd slept through). Once we managed to cut out the night feeds, things seemed a lot better, and I didn't realise how tired I had been until I wasn't any more if that makes sense?

I started to really get on top of things when I arranged activities for us to do every day so that I was getting out of the house. I didn't always feel like going, but they made all the difference.

If you can sort things so that you can start getting over the birth, that will really help. DS is now 16 months, and I'm just about there, and don't get upset by it any more. I belong to a group on yahoo (specifically for people who had c/s), but that has been great, seeing that I'm not the only one who feels like this.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

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Hmm I used to smoke, so maybe I do have an 'addictive personality'. Not sure about that.

Been v weepy this am. Fell asleep by accident then felt DH was cross with me so we bickered. I think we probably do need a break from each other but I don't see how I'm going to get it. My oldest friend is in Edinburgh and has said I could go and stay but when I mentioned it before to DH he accused me of 'running away', so I didn't go.

He told me the other day he's scared of suffocating to death with the MS, because that's how people die. I just couldn't cope with that and went into complete meltdown. Just screaming and sobbing and desperate.

Weird, but having DD has brought up loads of grief to do with my father and sister dying when I was young. I can't cope with the thought of DH dying young too. :sad:

Feel like such an idiot for going ahead and starting a family when we have this hanging over us. Eventually it will be me looking after both of them, and I really don't think I'm strong enough.

My mother tells me "you're a strong person" "you will cope" "God never gives us more than we can handle" - as though she won't permit me to be weak. When I was re-hospitalised after the birth she was in such denial she chatted with the doctor about getting a medical certificate for herself so she wouldn't lose the deposit on her holiday!! (I told her to go on it - and she did.)

Sorry. Just splurged. Best get on...

I don't think that smoking means you have an addictive personality. I think that the nicotine is addictive, and you don't have much choice. And if you used to smoke, then you've got willpower because you managed to give up.

Try and get away if you can, but only if where you're going is somewhere that you will be supported. It's not running away, it's just a change of scenery for you. DH will get this when he goes back to work. I stayed with my parents for long periods of time when DH was working long hours. It's lovely just to have somebody to hold the baby while you have a shower, or to bring you a cup of tea in bed.

Don't feel bad about starting a family when there are other things going on in your life. Your DH could be well for a long time couldn't he? You can't see into the future, so try and live for today.

If you're tired, then sleep. Always sleep when your DD does. If she's small enough, could you just put her into her cot to play while you have a rest? However, I did find that when I was v.down I was always tired. Making an effort to get up at a decent hour (not 10am!) and having a routine made me feel better. Go to bed early so you can cope better with the night feeds.

HTH. Take care

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Thanks, Lynny. That was kind of you.

Yes, the GP was great. She thinks my moods are completely normal, given everything going on in my life at the moment, so we're holding off on the AD's for another week or so.

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