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Original poster

What to do? Condoms as contraceptive

42 replies

zeromn · 02/09/2023 06:54

I had my baby 3 weeks ago so it’s time to start thinking about contraception. The only contraception I’ve ever tried was the implant and it didn’t agree with me. The anxiety I experienced on the implant was unbelievable, to the point I had to see a therapist and a doctor and then ended up on anxiety medication. When it was removed I was like a new woman! But it did result in pregnancy. (I wouldn’t change it for the world, I am so happy!) I wouldn’t get the implant again, I’ve heard nothing but negative stories about other contraception such as the pill and the coil. To be honest I’d rather be on absolutely nothing, I feel anxious at the thought of the possible side effects and I really don’t want to mess with my hormones. But I suppose being pregnant would be worse. I’ve talked to DP about condoms, he said absolutely not! Because it doesn’t feel the same… , does anyone here use condoms as contraceptives? If so, how is it going? Am I going to have to give in and take something like the pill or refuse sex until DP agrees to a condom? I don’t know what to do. I really don’t feel comfortable taking anything.

OP posts:
NeverAloneNeverAgain · 02/09/2023 07:53

We used condoms after baby 3 who is now 11 as I'd been 'responsible' for contraception for the majority of our relationship. As I got older hormonal contraception didn't agree with me as much so we switched. We managed ok but bought them online as shop bought are generic sizes and they're a bit like clothes sizing - one size does not fit all! We did really well for years however now have a surprise 8month old so off for the snip he goes!

BeMoreBarbie · 02/09/2023 07:53

Also if you're going to do it prior to being fully healed (for example 3 weeks) defo use a condom. I had a c section and we very carefully had sex at 2/3 weeks after I'd stopped bleeding but I insisted on a condom as inside there is an open wound which doesn't need infecting. That includes where the placenta was attached for natural birth.

xyz111 · 02/09/2023 08:02

If he doesn't want to use them.... ✂️

TossacointoHenryCavill · 02/09/2023 08:06

Condoms work well if you use them every single time and they fit properly (they slip off or break more easily if they are too small or too big). But they rely on the cooperation of your partner. And it sounds like he’s not on board. Which is shit. You could tell him no condom=no sex, but the fact remains that if you don’t stick to it consistently you will be the one who gets pregnant and not him.
Maybe make an appointment at a sexual health clinic? Tell them about your history with the implant and what you want in a contraceptive for the next little while. In your shoes I would be experimenting with things that can be stopped easily if I had issues with anxiety again - like a vaginal ring (localised hormones so a lower dose) or a pill. If you’re breastfeeding then your options are more limited - eg. they would recommend the progestogen only pill over the combined pill because oestrogen can mess with your milk production.

OneMoreCookieMonster · 02/09/2023 08:16

First of all breastfeeding is not contraception. I know several women who were ebf and fell pregnant. You can be fertile before you have your first pp period. I currently know one and have knowledge of one other who for pregnant 6 wks pp first time they had sex pp and another who fell pregnant at 9 wks pp. And, that's just my NCT group.

I am currently on the mini pill after not wanting to do hormonal bc and not having had any hormonal bc for nearly 10 years. It's been absolutely fine. Had break through bleeding for a week after being on it for 2 wks. On it now for the last 9 wks. We're waiting on NHS and H to get the snip.

Contraception should be the responsibility of both partners. Just tell him how it is unless he wants another baby soon. And, if not having sex without a condom is what you want then thats the choice he has to make.

Don't feel pressured into having sex until you're 100% ready pp and your contraception of choice is in place.

LittleBearPad · 02/09/2023 08:21

I had my baby 3 weeks ago so it’s time to start thinking about contraception.

It’s only time if you really want to have sex. And your partner sounds thoroughly unpleasant.

Shoelaces7 · 02/09/2023 08:26

Used them for years - extra thin feel Durex ones. None have ever slipped off, burst, failed.

I was about to say you've been through a lot and your DH should compromise. But you shouldn't have to suffer in order to have your partner wear a condom and wearing a condom isn't a compromise. It's the easiest, least invasive method of contraception with no side effects for either of you. It's a no brainer and I can't really understand why any man wouldn't just wear one when the only other option is much more severe for their partner (hormonal contraception).

Confetto · 02/09/2023 09:04

OneMoreCookieMonster · 02/09/2023 08:16

First of all breastfeeding is not contraception. I know several women who were ebf and fell pregnant. You can be fertile before you have your first pp period. I currently know one and have knowledge of one other who for pregnant 6 wks pp first time they had sex pp and another who fell pregnant at 9 wks pp. And, that's just my NCT group.

I am currently on the mini pill after not wanting to do hormonal bc and not having had any hormonal bc for nearly 10 years. It's been absolutely fine. Had break through bleeding for a week after being on it for 2 wks. On it now for the last 9 wks. We're waiting on NHS and H to get the snip.

Contraception should be the responsibility of both partners. Just tell him how it is unless he wants another baby soon. And, if not having sex without a condom is what you want then thats the choice he has to make.

Don't feel pressured into having sex until you're 100% ready pp and your contraception of choice is in place.

There are many medical papers that show breastfeeding has similar efficacy to hormonal contraceptives. It only works if you are feeding very very regularly though, with absolutely no expressing/missed feeds. As I said, I used it alongside condoms. Condoms were the contraceptive, breastfeeding was my back up.

Sueveneers · 02/09/2023 09:06

He either gets the snip or uses condoms. It's not fair that you take all the risks and give birth to his child, and he has nothing at all to worry about. You've done your bit. The snip or wearing a condom is the very least he can do since you bore his child. He is a lazy arse and I'd be saying you won't have sex without a condom. Put your foot down. Why the fuck is everything womens responsibility and these lazy arseholes get away with making us have chemicals and hormones in us or objects inserted in us? It's all one way and it's misogynist and not right. You've done your bit. Time for him to take on some of the responsibility. Stand your ground. NO SEX until he either fixes himself or uses a condom.

helpmum2003 · 02/09/2023 09:12

OP I agree that it's not unreasonable to use condoms. Other options - breastfeeding is 98% effective as long as you are fully breastfeeding including through the night. The copper coil has no hormones and doesn't affect them. It can make your periods heavier so many prefer the hormonal coil which releases a small amount of hormone into the womb, very little gets into the blood. Coils are very popular post natally. You only hear the bad experiences on line.

helpmum2003 · 02/09/2023 09:13

Should add for the breastfeeding method baby must be under 6 months and you should be haven't having no bleeding.

helpmum2003 · 02/09/2023 09:15

Any bleeding sorry!

Also do not use lube in condoms, they are much more likely to come off.

I work in sexual health.

katienana · 02/09/2023 09:19

I take a pill called milinette and have no issues on it at all, I like being able to run packs together to delay periods. In your position I'd speak to the nurse/midwife about your options but as for your dh it's no condom no sex.

ThomasHardyPerennial · 02/09/2023 09:26

Have used condoms for 17 years, and no problems with them. Your DH can fuck off with the "feels different" rubbish, he will get used to it. He would rather you suffer with your mental health, than do his bit? What a child.

Whataretheodds · 02/09/2023 09:55

@BeMoreBarbie I don't recall them slipping off more than using without. It's been a while since I was using contraception!

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/09/2023 10:04

We used them after DD as I didn’t want to go back on the pill. Stopped to ttc, straight back on them after DS, DH has had a vasectomy and we’re still using condoms till he gets the all clear. I have more than done my bit for our family, condoms and vasectomy were his ideas. They’re absolutely fine. No accidents.

I wouldn’t want to have sex at all with someone who insisted contraception was my sole responsibility when I’m only fertile a couple of days a month and he is 24/7…

I got my periods back at 4 months and 3 months consecutively despite exclusive breastfeeding. I knew each time that I’d ovulated and it was coming a couple of weeks later but you’ve got to be very careful.

pinkfondu · 02/09/2023 10:24

Well if hormonal contraceptives don't agree with you, and he won't use condoms then that leaves you with the coil or the cap or abstinence

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