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Family planning

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No unplanned pregnancies or scares

27 replies

ConfusedAdult2001 · 17/11/2022 07:15

I (21F) have a 4 month old baby girl with my husband (27M). The pregnancy was unplanned, as I was on the pill (and taking it religiously), and we currently aren't planning for any more. I'm back on the pill and breastfeeding as well as insisting he pulls out if he doesn't want to wear a condom (I got pregnant on the pill once before, not trying to get pregnant again so soon after already having a baby). He no longer wants to pull out, we don't use condoms; he insists we'll be fine as in over 3 years of me being on the pill, I never got pregnant, and me now being back on it AND breastfeeding, I likely won't get pregnant.

I have my own reservations in all of this: sex is still somewhat painful after a vaginal birth and 3rd degree tear, no hormonal birth control is 100% effective, I don't like having to decide whether to keep a baby, abort them, or give them up for adoption.

Not to mention the fact that if I do get pregnant and I want an abortion, he literally told me to not tell him anything about the whole situation.

I don't care how slim the odds are, I don't like having that heavy decision weighing over me, the person literally carrying and developing this new person.

I've only ever been on the pill and hear horror stories about any other hormonal contraceptives. Any advice?

OP posts:
ConfusedAdult2001 · 17/11/2022 13:20

Pantst · 17/11/2022 07:42

He won't do the necessary to avoid pregnancy, but won't support you or have anything to do with it if you get pregnant or decide to abort?

He is awful, horrible. Can you see how horrible that is? You are 21. You've got a hell of a lot of years ahead of you, do you really want to spend them with this man? Being treated in this way?

I had thought about this a number of times... And then I got pregnant with little to no support network of my own

OP posts:
ConfusedAdult2001 · 18/11/2022 02:31

RandomMusings7 · 17/11/2022 07:53

OP, you're so young... please don't let yourself be anchored down as a mother and nothing else. Get a degree, work as many hours as possible and carve out some financial independence. It's so easy for women to get stuck and trapped in unhappy marriages because they had babies and became the default parent and nothing else. Before you know you you're 30 with 3+ kids and no prospect of handling life separate from a husband that you resent.

Be smart.

I am currently preparing to go back to school, I do work full-time right now, and am essentially doing all I can to establish my own independence and make sure my daughter and I have everything we need, seeing how I don't like fully relying on someone else for things I need/want

OP posts:
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