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Family planning

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Planned their pregnancy ? This is a LONG one.

41 replies

Evla21 · 06/11/2022 04:21

If a baby is an "accident", how do you prove it it was actually planned?

Let me explain...
I've been with my husband for 8 years. Got married 4 yrs ago. It became clear (and confirmed by my dh - I told him he was being stupid of course - and MIL, who makes it very obvious) that his sister is the favourite. His sist is the one who was planned. My husband and his brother were practice ones until a girl was born was born.
As a result my SIL has been the centre of attention. This first became apparent to me that this carried on by adults when me and DH got engaged and decided on a summer wedding..to which my SIL replied "oh I wanted to have our second baby that summer - she had a DS and planned a summer baby as her DH is a teacher).
My husband's moment taken away for the excitement of the prospect of a new baby..

My husband had begged me to try for a baby before engagement and I agreed only if we got engaged and started trying after getting engaged. We were anticipating a long period of trying as you can't predict there things. 6 weeks later. Preggo. (We discussed having 3 in total - privately)

Told family when we were 6 weeks along. Not long later..(2m) yes you guessed it, she announced she was preggo (Deffo planned as told me only took 1m to conceive). Already had her DS and another DS was born (again so she had two sons).

I was really happy but at the same time, sad that my DH had has his moment taken away - and mine too!.. again.

This was her second baby as I mentioned, (naturally DD wanted) She'd had her first baby moment. Her DS was born 8 weeks later, which now I love as our DSs are so close and so cute!!).
I was initially worried as she had another baby so my DS wouldn't be cared about as my MIL stated we had given her a second GS.

Last year we had our second - a DD! totally unexpected (we joked that DH family only makes boys) See above... About my SIL having been centre of attention since childhood)

My MIL was happy to finally get a granddaughter. As she craved that female bond with her daughter) - I get this totally. SIL was also pleased but always joked about having a house full of boys (she was gutted no DD but maintaied) - no more children!!! Lol. I didn't believe it.. discussed this with my DH.

My DD is 1yr old (when we were on holiday together)

We had discussed our 3rd to DH family and my MIL replied - why? You have a DS and DD.

Yes, you guessed it. Now SIL ""accidentally preggo! Conceived on hols, (holding out for DD- last attempt) but they had gone and given their baby stuff away... Knowing we've not long ago we had a baby and still have all these items.. hmmmm.

Pregnancy cooing incoming!!.. our DD sidelined (MIL lives and moved to be near her DD - absolutely get this) in the hope that her daughter has a girl. ( I think my MIL was gutted her DD had another DS and we had DD instead) My MIL already told us her first GS was her fave GChild!!

My SIL and her DH moved and got a bigger house- 2 extra bedrooms.
She knew we would like a third
We had a DS and DD. She has 2 DSs
She told her mum she needs her to stay in the country as she needs her (in-laws moving abroad)
She had finished her exams this summer and
My husband and BIL discussed having a vasectomies.. beforehand.

During this time SIL and DH told me (individually there's been cheating accusations in their marriage)
Her DH is on unstable medication..

I can't help but think history is repeating itself. I really got closer to SIL during hols so I'd be so gutted if this was was true 😞

Thoughts?

Am I paranoid?

I'm usually right about this kind of stuff.

OP posts:
DucklingDaisy · 06/11/2022 07:19

If your husband’s mother encourages her offspring and their partners to compete for her affection, you and your husband can choose not to take part. Plenty of people grow up fine without a close relationship with grandparents, if that’s your concern. Tbh it’s better that than your MIL openly favouring your daughter over your son. That’s toxic if they spend a lot of time with her.

Focus on your own family and your own collective happiness. Maybe you’re right about your SIL planning the pregnancy and maybe you aren’t. It makes no difference to your life. It doesn’t matter. It’s not really any of your business.

ittakes2 · 06/11/2022 07:19

I am sorry but you sound obsessed with it with you sister in law and it’s not healthy

Regularsizedrudy · 06/11/2022 07:24

Stop looking for validation from your MIL and get on with your life. Whether his sister is having babies to steal his thunder (a bit of a big commitment for a moment in the lime light!) or not really doesn’t matter. Just focus on your own kids and family.

Doowop1919 · 06/11/2022 07:28

You both sound ridiculous

RefuseTheLies · 06/11/2022 07:32

Can’t imagine giving this much of a shit about my SiL, or my mil for that matter.

eurochick · 06/11/2022 07:42

RefuseTheLies · 06/11/2022 07:32

Can’t imagine giving this much of a shit about my SiL, or my mil for that matter.

Absolutely this! Who has the headspace for this level of nonsense?

caggie3 · 06/11/2022 07:50

My SIL announced her second pregnancy 8/9 weeks after I told her I was pregnant with my first. Literally the only thing that occurred to me was that my son would have a cousin to grow up with and how nice that would be for him, and of course how happy I was for her. It honestly would not of even crossed my mind that she was stealing my moment and that's a very odd way to think.

In all honesty, no one cares about our pregnancies/babies as much as we do. Is my MIL probably less excited for my son (her sixth grandson!) to be born in a few months then she was for the first couple? Probably! But as long as she treats him kindly and doesn't make him feel any different to the others then I don't really have too much feeling about it. Dh and me are extremely excited because it is our baby. Focus on that, yourself, your kids. You're making your relationship with your in laws really competitive and over-invested and it'll turn toxic so quickly.

Mamoun · 06/11/2022 07:54

What? Very confused post in my opinion.
Try not to compare yourself too much.

CJsGoldfish · 06/11/2022 07:56

Your DH's family seem to have an unhealthy dynamic where siblings are ranked and are in competition with each other. Your MIL seems to be loving it having all her children doing the pick me dance
You get that? Really?
I don't see anything other than OPs weird competitiveness and almost obsessive paranoia.
I mean, come on. Asking how to 'prove' SILs 'accidental' pregnancy was actually planned. That's batshit crazy right there 😝
Do the participants in this 'reality' of yours know they are players OP?

Lcb123 · 06/11/2022 08:01

Gosh what an exhausting way to live. I can’t see anything wrong- sibling favourites and rivalry is common. Be grateful for what you all have and enjoy your own family

EvilRingahBitch · 06/11/2022 08:03

Read yourself back. You're seriously suggesting that two adults have decided to raise a whole new human being because they don't want their nephew to have too much of its grandmother's attention.

Get a grip.

Safetyinformation · 06/11/2022 08:03

I’m confused- are you saying that BIL discussed having a vasectomy but SIL got pregnant through an affair? Or am I adding a new dimension to the story??
Either way, you do seem way too invested in your SIL’s life.

Katthecatlover · 06/11/2022 08:05

Your family gatherings must be a laugh a minute! Just think beyond competitive child rearing you can look forward to endless rivalries about who’s dc masters the viola or speaks fluent Mandarin first. There are at least a million more important issues in the world to get yourself so wound up about, let it go!

LolaSmiles · 06/11/2022 08:15

You get that? Really?

I don't see anything other than OPs weird competitiveness and almost obsessive paranoia.

I mean, come on. Asking how to 'prove' SILs 'accidental' pregnancy was actually planned. That's batshit crazy right there 😝

I do. It has a lot of features of golden child dynamics.
MIL has her own issues about wanting a girl of her own, then wanting girl grandchildren is odd. But then I've known people have 4 children holding out for a girl. Some people have issues.

The OP is equally bizarre for wanting to prove whether her SIL's pregnancy was planned.

In time this will end up with favouritism from grandparents, endlessly reading into everything, comparison and competition over who can pass their piano exam, who was given the best Christmas present, and so on.

The OP and her DH are better off stepping back from the whole shit show and focusing on their own children. Then she can stop concerning herself with MIL/SIL.

BiscuitLover3678 · 06/11/2022 08:26

This is so strange and intense! If she is changing her baby plans to copy you WOAH that is weird and sad. Also she might just have changed her mind. Having a kid is a massive thing as you know.

Just let it go. Either she has major problems or you do for constantly thinking about it. Focus on your own family! Don’t waste your time.

HoppingPavlova · 06/11/2022 08:31

No idea what your question, or indeed the issue is?

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