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Original poster

Is 45 too old to have a baby?? honestly.....???

56 replies

Lalala15 · 23/07/2017 19:45

So I currently have 4 year old and 2 year old and i've just found out i'm accidentally pregnant at 44! it's not my proudest moment as at 44 you'd think I'd be more careful.
Anyhow, I'm sorry to anyone who disagrees with abortion and yes I do understand i'm playing with life however i'm very close to booking that appointment and it was my immediate intention but something is also holding me back from doing it.
Obviously I wasn't young when I had my other two but 42 still felt ok to have a baby now I feel 45 is really pushing it. I would be 50 when my youngest starts reception! As well as the baby I'm really worried about my own health for the sake of all my babies.
My 2 and 4 year olds are so so close too, they are best friends and everything is happy i'm scared of upsetting the harmony.
I just want to do what is right for us as a whole family.
My partner says he will support me in whatever decision I make but thinks it should be me to make it.
Has anyone else been in this scenario?
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 23/07/2017 20:29

I'm 44 and pregnant (unplanned). I'm going ahead, but had my prenatal tests come back positive for anomalies I would have terminated. OP do you want this baby? Do you want to be pregnant?

PuckeredAhole · 23/07/2017 20:33

Can I also add that as usual, no one is thinking about it from the child's point of view. Who wants a 63 year old parent at 18? Growing up a few of my friends had really old parents. So when I was 13 my mom was 37 and their parents were in their 60s and retired! It's definitely not something I would have wanted as a child.

DaisyDando · 23/07/2017 20:34

I don't think it's too old, but I also think it's entirely your decision.

ladystarkers · 23/07/2017 20:34

For me ues its too old. Im 39 and feel too old.

SerfTerf · 23/07/2017 20:36

I think it's how YOU feel that counts OP

Crispmonster1 · 23/07/2017 20:37

I had my 3rd and 38 and I am bloody knackered. I was fit and healthy, not I'm binging on sugar and coffee to keep me going and have little time for exercise. I think I'm happy!! I wasn't going to have it but I think he knew I needed to him. Our family is very much complete now. Make sure you have emotional support, finance and practical support if you choose to go ahead with it.

20nil · 23/07/2017 20:37

It's only too old if you think it is.

happy2bhomely · 23/07/2017 20:40

45 would be too old FOR ME. By the time I am 45 I will have a 28, 25, 20, 18 and 15 year old! (Touch wood) I might be a grandmother by then!

But I can't see why 45 would be too old for anyone to have a baby if they want one.

Surely that is the important question? Do you want another baby? It sounds like you are maybe looking for 'good enough' reasons to not have it. It is ok to just not want to you know. It is ok to think of yourself and your existing children.

InvisableLobstee · 23/07/2017 20:41

I don't think having a parent in their 60s in your teens is necessarily worse for kids it all depends on how the parents behave. If they stay reasonably current and treat the kids ok then it's no worse than a younger parent. Kids always think their parents are old anyway.

JustDontGetItAtAll · 23/07/2017 20:44

My Dad was 45 when I was born. Was bored as a child as they were preparing for retirement. Very bored and couldn't relate on any level. Lost him when I was 26. Miss him like mad. Now resent parents.

Just stating facts. No opinion. Just pure facts

3boys3dogshelp · 23/07/2017 20:45

I think it would feel too old for me as my eldest will have (hopefully!) left home by the time I'm 45. However one of my mum friends had her children at 42 and 45 and is very happy and one of the best mums I know. Far more patient and settled than me certainly. As your others are only young another baby could fit in well.
You also need to decide whether you want a child at all. We have found three massively more work than two and although we love him very much it has been an incredibly difficult few years. Our others were 5 & 3 when the youngest was born. 3 years on and I feel like we're just coming up for air!!

growinglavender · 23/07/2017 20:47

Of all the undesirable traits I can think of parents to have, being old isn't one of them!

Littleraincloud · 23/07/2017 20:48

You're not too old otherwise you couldn't have conceived. I can't advise on age but in terms of age gap I have two the same age as yours and would love another, three isn't a crowd its a spare playmate when ones busy! If you'd already got much older kids and were preparing to see yourself in the role of granny I would perhaps think you would find it hard but with the ages you have to my mind I feel a third will just slot in after the first few difficult months are over x x x

Littleraincloud · 23/07/2017 20:48

Sorry for the x x x I just really feel for you

LiveLifeWithPassion · 23/07/2017 20:49

I know two people who had babies at 44. They don't seem too old and are fab parents.
I've got a childless friend and at 45 is desperate to get pregnant.

sallyokkay · 23/07/2017 20:49

Congratulations. Age is just a number. If you have looked after yourself and stayed young, you will be fine.

mayhew · 23/07/2017 20:50

I'm told the likelihood of a natural successful pregnancy after 45 is around 1%. I've been a midwife a long time and I've had 4 at 50+ with a successful outcome at this age without IVF etc.

mayhew · 23/07/2017 20:53

One of my friends had a natural first pregnancy at 46, 47 when the baby came. Her only regret was that she didn't have a second one. Daughter is 15 now. No problems that I can see.

clumsyduck · 23/07/2017 20:54

I'm over 15 years younger and had dc 2 decades earlier than you are now ( intended as coming from the other end of the age range and not to be rude !) and truthfully no I don't think you are to old .

It's happened so clearly biologically you aren't to old . There are zero guarantees in life there really aren't . I was at school with kids who lost there parents who were in there 30s . I know people who are my age now who can't have kids . I know an amazing switched on fit and healthy 91 year old .

It's your decision. Do what makes you and your family happy Wishing you all the best .

Congrats Flowers

Saffirebleu · 23/07/2017 21:00

It's not too old at all if YOU feel this is right.

Daffydil · 23/07/2017 21:05

45 would be too old for me to plan to have a child I think.

However, if we had an accident and I found myself pregnant at that age I doubt I'd have an abortion. I'm very pro-choice, but I just don't think I could do it.

(I'm almost 40 now, with a 5 yr old and an 18 month old).

MotherFeeder · 23/07/2017 22:18

No! You have a 4yr old and a 2yr old - if you can look after them then you can look after another baby.
I too am an older mom - do I have more or less energy I don't know. Do I love my child any less because I'm older NO! Do I think I cope better than a younger mum YES
Congratulations!! Your body says you can do this. You are blessed.
How do you feel in yourself?

userblahblahwhatever · 24/07/2017 07:38

Too old for me but I had all my kids a lot younger and I am younger than you and feel knackered!

But do what is right for you Smile

Whatthefoxgoingon · 24/07/2017 08:03

Well your body is still young enough to conceive so if you want another child, what ever not?

And a big yes to whoever said kids think their parents are decrepit no matter what age they have them. They are never going to be young and cool to them so don't waste a moments thought on that!

catsanddogsfightless · 12/10/2017 18:40

Hugs.
As a woman with unexplained fertility my feelings are mixed. i do envy you being able to conceive not once but three times. On other hand, I perfectly understand not wanting to upset the harmony you already have with your 2 DCs. We live in a time when mostly it is OK to consider and use termination. Go with your gut instinct on this one. Are your DC too young to have a conversation on say other families they know where there are 3 or even 4 children? I wonder what their thoughts would be on sharing their parents with a new sibling. I guess they might be too young to have an opinion. Maybe try to sound out a vague opinion from your DC? That sounds awful but i hope you get my gist.

Your DH/OH sounds kind and is supporting your right to time and space and freedom and is listening to you. He sounds kind.