Female sterilisation - persuading GP

[Paperowls]

Help. What magic do I have to use to get my GP to agree to refer me for sterilisation? I have three kids and I do not want any more at all! I've never got on with the pill, so we use condoms. Fed up of the faff of this and I want to remove the fear of accidental pregnancy. I'm in my early 40s so the end of my fertility is near but the GP will not listen to my requests. I've just had another difficult consultation with her where she attempted yet again to get me to have a coil. I told her I will modify my vagina when there's an equivalent for men to modify their vas deferens! The other option she keeps pushing is the mini pill, despite the fact I've yet to have a synthetic progesterone that doesn't make me suicidal. She also suggested that I needed my husband's permission to be sterilised, which I can't believe is true.
What can I do? Is private surgery the only option?

Wow RNBrie. I think I need to move to where you are. It might lower my blood pressure.

And no one has had to have the consent of their husband for this?

Is your GP quite old? Years ago you had to have permission from husband. Pretty sure it's not a thing now...

And does the family planning clinic cover sterilisation? I thought they just did condoms and pills?

If you go for a consultation to be sterilised male or female you are asked that you have the agreement of your spouse yes. Surely you wouldn't choose to be sterilised without coming to an agreement anyway?

As others have said this is probably out of your GPs hands.

Most areas have criteria such as this for sterilisation on the NHS now

www.fundingrequests.cscsu.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Female-Sterilisation-Referral-Criteria-April-2011.pdf

She's one of those women who could be anything from 40 to 70.

But if it's out of her hands, then why doesn't she say instead of wasting my time and making me angry with her bullshit 'you might want another baby before you're 50' lines. And it doesn't seem fair that getting access to permanent contraception is based on where you live.

Blimey, I'm sorry I didn't realise it was now so hard. It was easy for me and that was years ago. You are at a surgery that only has one GP? Really?

Yep. The rest are nurse practitioners, not GPs

There are four other practices in my catchment area though. I'm just worried it will look a bit odd if I switch surgery, sign up, turn up and go 'hello, can I be sterilised please?' at my first appointment

In my case, after many many appointments and tears, I agreed to having the coil, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to 'hold' it in (previous operations on cervix) Gynaecologist knew this, but insisted on me having it. He put it in, it fell out less than a month later, and at my next appointment, I put it on his desk - (still covered in whatever - boak !!) That worked bloody miracles !!!

Paper it isn't worth changing if the system is the same... just ask your GP.... unless of course you want to move practices.

I would suggest that you say you identify as male, as that'll make them sterilize even women in their 20s with no children, but you'd have to get a hysterectomy in that case, I am afraid, can't just have the tubes tied.

Do go somewhere else. I think they'll understand, they must know how hard it is to get a sterilisation. You can be upfront about it "I was annoyed with my previous GP because she told me I needed my husband's consent to get sterilised."
If they think that's odd, they'll be no help anyway, and if they are reasonable, they'll understand why you had to change.

Why not try a non- hormonal coil? If it doesn't suit you then you then meet the criteria to be sterilised. If you don't have problems with it then you've saved yourself a slightly riskier procedure!

Paperwork, I am a gp and can say your GPS attitude is dreadful.
Single handed practices are not wonderful because you have no one to go to for another option.
I woukd strongly suggest you firstly contact your local ccg and ask them what the local guidelines are on referral for sterilisation. If any...
Secondly I would move surgeries... Ask around local friends if any others near you are well thought of. Try to find a bigger practice.
There is no reason you shoukd not be referred, and she certainly shoukd not be suggesting the mini pill if you had documented mental health issues with it before.

Thanks all. I think I might be facing a mix of CCG local rules and a non-sympathetic GP. I've just booked an appointment with the nurse at the practice to see if I can have a decent discussion about it, not one that descends into shouting 'but a sterilisation is dangerous! You might want more kids as you approach 50!' The other thing that made me laugh is that just as I was leaving the room she went 'oh, just remember to carry on using some contraception'. Oh yeah. I'd forgotten that I don't want any more children. .

I was sterilized at 33 after asking my GP and being referred immediately.
I was told if I got pregnant again I'd have to abort due to complex medical stuff which no doubt helped me get a yes and I was asked if I'd talked to DH about him doing the deed because they'd have preferred I avoided yet another operation but he's a big wimp and wouldn't do it it. I certainly didn't need his permission thank god or I'd have totally lost it.
Like you I couldn't tolerate anymore hormones plus it felt awful being asked to take contraception when originally we'd planned another child. Emotionally sterilisation can be a bit difficult even when you're 100% sure or as in my case simply don't have the option to have more children, so if you do have a few wobbly moments it doesn't mean you've made a mistake or anything.

I'm actually not emotional about the idea of ending my fertility. It will disappear within a few years anyway, so I'm just bringing that event a little bit earlier. I am very emotional about the idea of accidentally falling pregnant. This has been a constant worry for me since my last child was born. I long to be free of that fear.

I also love the story Whywont set out! If that didn't tell the doctor why a coil was unsuitable, nothing would

This is quite shocking. A grown woman, with children, who has thought this through, as a rational human being, to be treated like this by the doctor! I would definitely change the GP.

It took me 5 years of asking. It wasn't the gp who was the problem. You could try a sexual health clinic/family planning clinic they may be helpful as they deal with Drs referrals for sterilization in my area. The consultant said I was too young to make such a responsible decision. Then aged 28 in a 10yr+ relationship and never wanted more than 2 children,to also add that I suffered with PND after my youngest and I am still struggling with anxiety. I thought I was being responsible but ah well 😏 anyway it turned out after needing to see a gynecologist for a different issue I ended up asking them about being sterilized. To my surprise they gave me the ok to go on the list there and then and 5 months down the line I am 2 weeks away from the procedure now. Don't give up! I was not prepared to keep filling my body with hormones for another 20+years or risk pregnancy with condoms after the implant and injection proved to not like me. It seems like making choice for our own body isn't allowed anymore.