AIBU to ask my DH to get the snip?

[katenins]

So DS 3 is now 1 and we've decided we definitely don't want anymore children. I'm currently on Cerelle (mini pill) as I'm 40 soon so too old for combined pill now. I'm not getting on with it, moody, weight gain, spotting heavily etc. etc. I've been trying to get DH to consider having the snip, but he won't even entertain the idea. He says why don't I get sterilised?
I feel that after 3 children, first a horrific birth with 3rd degree tear, 2 c-secs, years of pregnancy and breastfeeding that my body should now be left alone!
Apparently he's worried about the op hurting a bit !! He has no concerns about not being able to have children if at some point in the future he may want more....
We're at complete stalemate now and it's getting to me

after 3 children, first a horrific birth with 3rd degree tear, 2 c-secs, years of pregnancy and breastfeeding
Does he really think it's OK for you to go through another operation just because he is afraid of a little pain? I actually think I would be really upset if my dh thought like that. I had 3 sections myself and when we decided our family was complete dh took himself off voluntarily for the snip. He said I had done my bit for our family, now it was his turn. I personally think it's very selfish of your dh.

What demented said. You can take the combined pill till menopause as long as you don't have a condition that precludes its use.

I'm with you. I had our third in March and DH had agreed to get the snip. He has now changed his mind. I've told him that I'm done he agreed but due to getting pregnant 3 times on different birth control condoms doesn't cut it for us. I've told him straight that having sex means we will most probably have a 4th child in the next 2-3 years. We have the money and the house for it, we just don't have the time.

Well if he doesn't like condoms and won't get the snip then I'd go with the no sex option.

Yeap that's what I'm doing. Makes for interesting times! Bloody stubborn man.

Whist yes you have done you share in birthing three kids you can't force a grown man into surgery.

I'd say to him it's condoms or surgery or no sex. He can pick.

What Aye says. My dh said it was his turn and I had hypermesis gravidarum both pregnancies so he decided it was his turn as we didnt want any more dc.

I have the copper coil and bloody love it. No hormones, had it fitted by my OBGYN and after the initial fitting have experienced no side effects other than a slightly heavier (but not more painful) period.

I didn't want hormonal coil and didn't want DH to get the snip as I thought he was too young. Is that not an option?

I don't think your DH is being unreasonable to not want a medical procedure though, you can't demand that someone have the snip if he doesn't want one.

There is no way I would consider taking the pill up to menopause!
The coil worked for me for a while - it's possibly worth a try.

But if he refuses the snip, then it's condoms or no PIV.

DS was conceived when I had a mirena inserted. Not going to rely on a coil.

"I don't think your DH is being unreasonable to not want a medical procedure though, you can't demand that someone have the snip if he doesn't want one."

As he won't use condoms, he is effectively demanding that OP risk
a medical procedure (abortion) or medication (pill). Unless he wants to opt out of sex.

Cock.

What a wimp. I don't think I'd even want sex with such a chicken tbh. He needs to man up big time.

Maybe a few other friends will have it and reassure him it's ok? After the first child wave, then the second / third child wave, all our friends seem to be drawing a line under their children producing years and getting done

Just don't tell him that it doesn't always work and DH had to have it done twice...

What a wimp. I don't think I'd even want sex with such a chicken tbh. He needs to man up big time.

Oh how lovely

So basically he wants sex but isn't prepared to take any responsibility for contraception. Would put me right of sex if my DH did that.

I agree with Penfold and others.

If I were you I'd go off the pill and not have PIV sex unless he's wearing a condom.

In fact I was like you and I did do that and my DH chose to have a vasectomy.

Google no-scalpel vasectomies. Don't know if the NHS offer them yet but my DH insisted on paying privately so he got to choose a surgeon who really knew his stuff. Minimally invasive - he barely felt it. I attended with him to drive home but he was fine to drive. We even had sex the next day to reassure him that everything was working.

He sheepishly admitted afterwards that it was probably 1% of the pain/embarrassment/risk of ongoing problems as me having gone through pregnancy and birth 3 times.

I've more or less stopped posting on here. I would strongly recommend not having surgery for either party. It goes wrong quite often. 1 in 10 snips end up with long term chronic pain.

I've had this 4 years now and further surgery, injections, drugs don't stop it. The damage done has left my testosterone half of what it should be, no sex drive. I tried replacement therapy but levels were up and down, more down.

It goes wrong. We hardly ever have sex as I am not interested. It's both physical and mental. I can't help my T levels that are way below the replacement threshold but the endo doesn't give a shit. We both regret the choice we made.

Don't have surgery.

PS typical attitudes here. It's minor surgery but carries a big risk that the GP will not tell you about. I no longer trust GPs ever.

My partner was ready to have it last year. He got to the clinic and waited to be seen he told me he saw a man with his wife hunched over (Violins playing). He went in and they couldn't perform the procedure because he has a cyst. The have booked an appointment for him to go to the hospital to get the snip and have the cyst removed but he wont go.

If a woman has this procedure there is more risks than a man having it done.