Condom question

[cosmicdomestic]

I see that this topic is mostly female contraception but I have a "man" question so I hope it is OK to post here. I should say I'm a guy.
After 20+ years of non-condom use DW has come off the Mirena and can't have another (we are in our 50s) - we have good regular sex but I can't get back into condoms. When I was younger I used them and honestly could not tell the difference of with or without - and I thought guys who said that they could feel them were really selfish whingers. My previous preferred brand was Durex Fetherlite but they don't make those anymore. My problem is that I sometimes simply can't cum when we use them - I stay hard OK but I just can't stimulate myself to the point of ejaculation. To me, the Durex and Skyn brands I have tried seem tight at the top (my recollection is that Durex condoms used to be baggy at the closed end - anyone agree?). I can still cum as easily as before through masturbation or petting with DW and I seem to produce as much sperm - so I don't think I have changed. DW has no problems and she gets aroused and wet as before - so no changes in the mechanics of sex with her.

Has anyone else had similar issues and what are the best brands for sensitivity (there are so many and can't buy them to try them all).

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If you've found this page in search of condoms that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best condoms useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Durex thin feel I think is similar.

I'm only mid twenties so this might be a silly question, but can you not use them? Or is there a chance your dw can fall pregnant at the age she is?

Is it still necessary to use condoms in your 50s. Genuine question?

I was going to say the same sugar,

If she hasn't gone through the menopause then yes they will still need contraception

Guess so pixie I suppose the general assumption is that the menopause would have happened by 50s, my Mother is 57 but lives abroad so don't really talk about it.

Average age is 51 apparently so some will be later or earlier than that

Mini pill and mirena can be used until age 55

You could try the non latex ones. Look matey (I'm a bloke) if you are expected to take responsibility now get back into using condoms pronto. Your other option is the snip, and as a fella who was perfectly happy with condoms prior to the snip, I've had a dodgy snip and suffer terrible constant pain and have lost testosterone production so have to have big injections every two weeks. Oh and my pain meds stopped me ejaculating, we tried.

Use some more lube.

Given an option, get used to it. The snip can ruin your life. It's very nearly finished our relationship. We are fighting through it.

Read my thread about vasectomy then decide about condoms. My wife needed to stop hormonal contraception but she didn't like condoms, so surgery was it for me.

Try different makes or the sensation ones. Really. I can't recommend the snip.

I think you're in the minority though TheFuzz. I don't think that's the 'norm'. You were unlucky.

Bloody hell I too would have thought falling pregnant in your 50s is incredibly unlikely too. I am pregnant at 40 and the effort it took to fall and find and egg that wasn't damaged was extensive. Lots of miscarriages, not at a easy. To fall pregnant at 50 therefore without a donor egg must be a likelihood of less that 0.0001%

People do fall pregnant at 50 though. Surely it isn't worth the risk Who knew? Everyone's fertility is different. I fell pregnant first attempt at 39.

But there is a tiny window of opportunity in a normal month of a fertile woman. It would be so easy to avoid pregnancy using natural family methods in your fifties.

Obviously there may be particular circumstances in your wife's case, OP, but generally women can have a Mirens coil right up to menopause and beyond. Just in case she's heard otherwise and might want to get a second opinion. Failing that, would you at least consider vasectomy? I know a PP here has had a bad experience, but for the vast majority of people it's a straightforward, uncomplicated procedure and very effective.

*Mirena

At the age of 50, I honestly think you should just deal with using condoms. It's unlikely to be more than a couple of years until menopause now, you can just change your sex life to contain more petting.

I agree with those who suggest vasectomy, as I really don't think the whole burden of contraception should fall onto the woman, but I just don't feel that a few years of sex without condoms are worth it.

If you were my partner, I'd be buying different types of condom to try, getting you to read 'taking charge of your fertility' and not encouraging you to get the snip. The problem with the snip is thAt while its unlikely you'll be the unlucky one, the potential damage it causes if it goes wrong is not worth taking.

Try theyfit.co.uk - custom fitted condoms. They really make a difference and are a lot more comfortable for my husband than the standard Durex ones we used to use.

NaturaLamb condoms by Trojan. They are expensive, but completely worth it. My partner - and many others, it seems - say that it feels like they're wearing nothing.

They don't protect against STDs, but that's not the issue for you.

"I think you're in the minority though TheFuzz. I don't think that's the 'norm'. You were unlucky."

Yes, minority, but sizeable minority. According to NHS it's 10% who get those sort of enduring problems. I think the risks of vasectomy are routinely underestimated.

And of course, it takes time to clear the tubing. If unlucky, that's months (18 for us) By which time the menopause could be complete (one year amenhorrhea if over 50).

So I think the best option is trying lots of brands, and using lots of lube.

"It would be so easy to avoid pregnancy using natural family methods in your fifties."

Can I hazard a guess that you're not perimenopausal yourself, Whoknewitcouldbeso?

The whole reason my DH had a vasectomy was the utter impossibility of reliable NFP (after years of successful use) when the menopausal changes began.