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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

DS(9) still can't swim after years of lessons - how to approach it and how to motivate him?

104 replies

Yesterdayyesterday · 11/12/2023 22:53

I feel so sad about this today. DS is in Y5 and I've been taking him for swimming lessons since Y1 and he is making such slow progress. He can do about 10m on his back and maybe 5 on his front but it feels so far from where he needs to be.

We've tried several different swim schools, for various reasons including scheduling and just trying to find somewhere that clicks. Recently I decided that the pool he was in (teaching pool) was too small and shallow as he puts his feet down regularly when swimming rather than doing the whole length.

So today I took him to the local council pool which is a full size one. Annoyingly I booked him on the wrong class - stage 2. I felt that was pretty humiliating for him as he was with a bunch of 5 year olds and it was too basic. The stage 3 class looked better but the kids still looked a lot younger.

I'm not sure what to do - try to get a stage 3 spot or do 1-1 lessons, or go back to the last place which at least was quiet and friendly. Also, he doesn't really enjoy swimming either so I need some way of motivating him to go.

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 11/12/2023 22:56

1 to 1 lessons are absolutely the way to go here.

Original poster
Yesterdayyesterday · 11/12/2023 22:58

I hope so. I'm just hoping that he will be motivated to try. Not that it is his fault - he is generally not that strong with sports etc. but he is going to have to really put effort on as it clearly isn't coming to him naturally.

OP posts:
SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 11/12/2023 22:58

1:1 lessons in a deeper pool as he will learn fast

Hollyhead · 11/12/2023 22:59

Watching with interest as we’re in a similar position. 1:1 didn’t work 🤯

Marmighty · 11/12/2023 23:00

What have the various teachers said about why he’s not progressing? What does he say about it?

Original poster
Yesterdayyesterday · 11/12/2023 23:00

Oh no @Hollyhead , is your DC still in lessons?

OP posts:
Gooseysgirl · 11/12/2023 23:02

If you can afford it, definitely 1-1 lessons. For group lessons if you are near London, I can highly recommend PoolSchools. We found LA lessons where we are we're completely useless - kids left frozen at the side of the pool half the time! After we made the switch to the company above, we never looked back... both excellent swimmers now.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 11/12/2023 23:03

1-1 lessons, or at a push 1-2, if there is someone appropriate to share with. DS1 was being really lazy, but when I signed up DS2 with a 1-2 instructor the idea of his little brother swimming better than him suddenly motivated him.

Whatever the blocker is, the individual attention of a swimming instructor is the way to go now, as they can help him push past whatever it is that is stopping him.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 11/12/2023 23:05

Have a look at independent schools/teachers that hire school pools (secondary school for the depth) for lessons, rather than clubs that use the council pools. They teach swimming rather than pushing competitions.

Boomboom22 · 11/12/2023 23:06

If he can do 10m on his back and 5m on his front without putting his feet down he can swim. I'd take him myself maybe twice a week with bribery, what does he want / need? A cool branded coat (ebay)? Game on the xbox? Yes, if you show me two lengths.
Different if he can't do it but from your posts, just do rewards.
To move up stages you have to do perfect arms in bs, fs and fc and my school butterfly too at 5m then 10m (which I never could do and my highest badge was either 5k or 10k).

Boomboom22 · 11/12/2023 23:08

5000m or 10000m so a good swimmer but I don't remember technique being such a thing. Much more how not to drown, how to undress in the water, how to scuba etc. But mine don't appear to do anything like that by yr6 and 7 tbh

Original poster
Yesterdayyesterday · 11/12/2023 23:14

He can do 5-10m, not 5-10k!

OP posts:
Hollyhead · 11/12/2023 23:14

@Yesterdayyesterday yes he’s at a pool that don’t religiously follow the stages. He can sort of do a width but not very well. He has a fear of being out his depth so just doesn’t try. Instructors are in the water though. I keep telling myself it will just click!

Finteq · 11/12/2023 23:15

You haven't mentioned it.

But have you ever taken him swimming.for fun?

Use a float.

Let him get used to moving around.

Get him one of those diving sticks. So he gets used to having his face in the water. Has he got goggles?

Mine was much better when she had goggles.

Mine learned very slowly.

But then after covid she didn't have lessons for a couple of years.

Then the waiting lists were too long. Over a year.

Her younger sister got onto lessons. And became really proficient.

Then older one really regretted that she hadn't enjoyed her original lessons- she used to cry a lot. Not put her face in the water. Cry when they ever tried to push her to the next stage. And really just didn't learn very well.

Then after about a few months of her sister starting lessons she started asking me to book her lessons because she really wanted learn- partly because she saw how good her younger sister was.

She restarted lessons less than a year ago and has progressed so much very quickly.

But it was because she was motivated and wanted to do well. If it hadn't come from her- I doubt we would have seen the progress we have.

Singleandproud · 11/12/2023 23:15

How often do you swim for pleasure as a family? If not regularly take him out of group lessons and take him yourself with a small pool ball for catch throwing it further and further for him to get, some weights for diving and swimming under water etc and play and have fun whilst building up his skills. Go when the big inflatable is out,they often make children swim a length before letting them on so you'll soon see if it's laziness or if he actually can't manage.

I only put DD into group lessons once she could swim a length of the pool and just needed her technique improve. Group lessons are pointless before then as they hardly get any actual swimming time. DD started lessons at 8, swam a mile 6 months later, joined the competitive squad at 9.

benjaminostell · 11/12/2023 23:19

Any chance you can go on holiday, somewhere with a pool, and just spend hours just playing in the water and try lots of fun things together? (Jumping in, diving for 'treasure..') If you are not aspiring for technical performance and just want your child to stay afloat and 'move' through water confidently - basically so he can save himself from drowning - then the best way imo is just exposure and plenty opportunities to try swimming without formal lessons. Parents can be very effective in teaching some
basic strokes in these scenarios, when all seems to have fun.
Proper technique will come later in life..
My kids are older now but like so many parents I also spent far too much time and money on lessons.
I grew up in a hot country, no one took swimming lessons. In my case my dad thought me into the pool one day and said go for it (he was thee to save me - no worries!)
Good luck 🤞

MercanDede · 11/12/2023 23:19

Perhaps he doesn’t like swimming because it is boring to do laps while you get criticised for your stroke form.

I would look into fun activities that involve swimming. Like the splash fun day at the pool with the giant inflatables. Or go to a pool with water slides. Or get him goggles and a nose clip and start him on retrieving things from the bottom of the pool (he start to do that from standing and work up to deeper water). He knows how to swim, he just needs a reason to build endurance and become a strong and confident swimmer.

Mossstitch · 11/12/2023 23:19

My youngest was like this at 9 but hated lessons so I made a deal with him to go with me once a week instead of lessons and he got to chose sweets after. In a very short time he was beating me and doing 50 lengths! He seemed to enjoy the 1-1 time and being competitive to beat mum😜

Ichangedmynameonce · 11/12/2023 23:25

If you can afford 1 to 1, do that.

We had some abd my DC progress was then so much faster.

Original poster
Yesterdayyesterday · 11/12/2023 23:26

Thanks all. We are very busy generally with activities etc so while we would go swimming as a family during school holidays, we generally can't fit it in otherwise. Having said that I may try to prioritise this on top of weekly lessons, I just think he won't want to go. He's not a massive fan of swimming generally.

I genuinely think he does have issues, I think the lack of motivation comes from not really being very good at it and hence not enjoying it very much. He's similarly not great at football for example, though he loves it. He isn't generally unfit, he just seems to have trouble coordinating his body or has poor core strength or something.

To answer PP yes he has goggles and is absolutely fine with face and head in the water etc and has been for a long time.

OP posts:
NicAndNick · 11/12/2023 23:27

My DS was 10 when we let him stop lessons. He hated going and was much the same. For us it was explaining to him that swimming was an important life skill and that if he wanted to go to a pool party/paddle in the sea he would need to be able to swim 25m well in 3 strokes (ie he could turn around and swim the next 25m if he wanted not just get there by the skin of his teeth!). Once he had a goal in mind for him to be able to stop lessons, he was much happier going and tried harder. I then did have to uphold my end and let him stop, but I am happy enough that he can do what is needed, and he was recently in top.set for school swimming lessons so can'tbe too bad! Some people just don't like swimming, which is fair enough, but I do think it's important to learn.

Singleandproud · 11/12/2023 23:33

If his overall coordination is poor and if he is generally clumsy and struggled to ride a bike it's worth looking into dyspraxia.

Swimming is an important life skill but once your happy he could save himself if he slipped into a body if water then move on. There are lots of other sports out there though, rugby is great and much easier than football really as the ball is much bigger to catch, you wouldn't need to worry about contact for a good few years. Rock climbing is good for building strength and coordination. Canoeing/kayaking/sailing are great once he can swim a bit better and might be a good carrot to motivate him with.

thinkfast · 11/12/2023 23:38

Swimming lessons often aren't much fun OP. Try taking him swimming for fun. With the family or with friends. A pool with a wave machine perhaps? Play games in the water. Get a few toys for him to dive down and fetch. Let him enjoy swimming a bit and he'll learn some naturally and be a bit more motivated to try in lessons too.

Original poster
Yesterdayyesterday · 11/12/2023 23:39

@Singleandproud it's definitely crossed my mind in the past, but he isn't clumsy and learned to ride a bike at 5.5. He doesn't show a great deal of urgency with physical things though and isn't very competitive in that sense. For example, he tends to ride his bike quite slowly.

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 11/12/2023 23:41

I did qualify with me and units of measurement on both posts.

If he can swim 5 metres he can swim, bribe him to do more. But if you're too busy to take him say twice a week for an hr for a bit then likely the pace will stay the same.

Usually in the holidays you can do 5 days 30 mins a day crash course and they learn very quickly then, a week is a long time and lessons are short.

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