DS(9) still can't swim after years of lessons - how to approach it and how to motivate him?

[Yesterdayyesterday]

I feel so sad about this today. DS is in Y5 and I've been taking him for swimming lessons since Y1 and he is making such slow progress. He can do about 10m on his back and maybe 5 on his front but it feels so far from where he needs to be.

We've tried several different swim schools, for various reasons including scheduling and just trying to find somewhere that clicks. Recently I decided that the pool he was in (teaching pool) was too small and shallow as he puts his feet down regularly when swimming rather than doing the whole length.

So today I took him to the local council pool which is a full size one. Annoyingly I booked him on the wrong class - stage 2. I felt that was pretty humiliating for him as he was with a bunch of 5 year olds and it was too basic. The stage 3 class looked better but the kids still looked a lot younger.

I'm not sure what to do - try to get a stage 3 spot or do 1-1 lessons, or go back to the last place which at least was quiet and friendly. Also, he doesn't really enjoy swimming either so I need some way of motivating him to go.

As long as he can swim if he falls into water and does not drown - that's enough! He probably doesn't like swimming or being in water - have you thought of that?

Is he tall and skinny/long legs. They often find it harder to learn as their legs sink! Once they master the strokes, they are fine but learning can be trickier which is demoralising.

One to one in a deep ish pool helps. They often make rapid progress one to one. (Swimmer teacher here ! )

@Yesterdayyesterday I was your son, many many (many!) years ago. Hated lessons. Hated being taught at school. Didn't want to get in the pool. My dad took me to a local pool so it was just the two of us. Didn't rush, didn't worry about me not being able to swim. Did the thing of being just in front of me holding his hands out ready to grab me if I needed it (and he did, too). Eventually, and I still remember the moment now, I got it. Went from floundering and spluttering to full-on swimming in moments. Don't know how or why, but I do know his calmness and focus on just not worrying about it was a massive help. Loved swimming after that, but I really appreciate that he never made me feel pressured or a failure (not saying that you do btw). Some people just take a bit longer and proper lessons aren't always the answer. I know they weren't for me. Good luck 💐

This is worth a go I reckon.

He clearly loathes swimming, so you are essentially flogging a dead horse by making him continue with lessons. If the bribe doesn't work, then I'd honestly let him stop now, but you really need to start going swimming as a family for fun far more often.

I think it is similar to reading. Some kids absolutely loathe it and think of it as an unpleasant chore rather than something they would do for enjoyment. You need to make it fun.

@Singleandproud if overall coordination is poor and if he is generally clumsy and struggled to ride a bike it's worth looking into dyspraxia

This.
Had same with my DS and is now on dyspraxia assessment pathway…other signs for us were late to start walking, join pains post moderate exercise, poor hand writing, weekly accident slips from school, difficulty with climbing frames.

My daughter is Dyspraxic - she cannot swim more than about 15 metres. Maybe look for places that are used to dealing with SEN. The first school my daughter went to was all focused on technique - she couldn't breath and do arms at same time.

She needed somewhere that worked with her to just swim even if she didn't look the best.

I would like her to be able to swim a bit further and maybe I will get her classes again but for the moment she is happy in the water and can swim a bit so I just accept that!

For a start I'd stop any further group lessons. Either 1:1 lessons or you take him in the deep pool .
I'd prioritise this over other activities.

Does it matter if he can't swim?

I'm 52 and can't swim even a stroke so he's doing better than me!

We had this with our eldest son after 3 years of lessons- all arms and legs, didn't like swimming much but he had to learn as we live by the sea. When BOTH his younger siblings had caught him up in lessons the swim school pulled me aside and said he was not going to pass and they were concerned his confidence would be shot to pieces when his younger siblings overtook him and moved to the next level that term.

The school said they would pass him at the same time, as long as we agreed NOT to enrol him for any other group lessons. By then he could swim the basics, we agreed, continued family swims, and he has improved over time so he's safe (very inelegant though). It will never be his favourite thing.

I couldn't swim until 12 - that was mostly due to me being freezing cold at the pool and not wanting to get in! My junior school had a pool but I left there still unable to swim.
My mum said my lips turned blue and I was shivering at lessons so she stopped making me attend. My aunt had a hotel with an indoor pool and literally made me learn - threw me in. But she had it heated for me.
When I had kids I wanted them to swim as early as poss so they both had lessons as babies then 1-to-two - daughter with a friend and son with his cousin in a local hotel's pool. It was warm and not open to the guests / public, so just them in the pool. Both able to swim confidently by the time they had school lessons inY2, so were in the top group.
I still don't enjoy swimming unless in a very warm sea and am rubbish, never learnt to dive, but survived large waves in Australia so it's ok. Both my children enjoy swimming so I'm glad I had them taught from being babies.
I hope you find a teacher but 121 is definitely the best option (in a warm pool)

I also took them to the local 'fun' pool regularly to add enjoyment. One with a wave machine, flumes etc.

My son (11) is similar. Recently started 1-1 lessons after not making much progress at all in group lessons. The new instructor immediately picked up issues with his core strength. He also finds it hard to kick his legs whilst on his back without making it look as if he’s riding a bike. They are coming up with strategies to try and help. Agree about a proper OT assessment. My son generally has issues with his motor skills (was extremely prem) and I do suspect dyspraxia.

Both of my kids hated swimming lessons with a passion. The council run pool was too cold, they couldn't do what they wanted to do and they had to get up early on a Sunday morning.

They go swimming every Sunday with their dad who has them included on his gym membership. They've come on leaps and bounds since then because they actually enjoy it.

It sounds like your DC can actually swim. Not every child is cut out for a million extra curricular activities. Let him find a hobby he actually enjoys.

Obviously this is the high cost solution but a fortnight in a villa with a pool (with a deep end) sorted my two out. They could swim just about but far from confidently and with no joy before that.

Sounds like he can swim, just isn't clocking with lessons. So as pp said, start going for fun at least once a fortnight OR go to a water park for a holiday

I'm curious about the taking them for fun - I also have a tall 9 year old and in our local pools it's impossible to swim more than a body length or two in family sessions as there are so many people around, balls being thrown everywhere etc. So I'm not sure how he would make any progress doing that or are other people's pools quieter?? I can't take him to lane swimming as he's not quite ready for lengths. Mine is doing ok now in group lessons after struggling for a long time so am leaving him doing that for now but I have wondered about taking him out. He's done a lot of dancing successfully so I don't think general coordination/strength is a problem in our case but I was interested in a pps comment about being tall and thin and sinking - i think that might not have helped him. One of our local pools has over 7 years beginner sessions so they're not with the little ones and I considered that at one point.

I think you need to try 1 to 1 lessons.

That is a lot of lessons you've done so far to be where he is. Private will likely be more efficient in learning.

I'd also take him swimming as much as possible outside of lessons.

1:2:1 lessons with a good motivating instructor.

I bribed mine with money as he was motivated £5 for a width out of his depth. £10 for half a length and £20 for a length. I would have offered more! but when he was ready.

recently I discovered he had hyper mobility in his hands and ankles and that was part of the issue, he also has hearing / deafness issues.

In the summer we have a beautiful outdoor heated pool near the sea with plenty of our door space and it is a sun trap. £5 a day. So I took him and his sister everyday and the rule was he has to be comfy if I wasn’t in the pool - eg well within his depth - we brought lots of small floatable throwing toys and he loved it - no pressure. In July he asked to swim a width and did and in august a length and did. No pressure at all.

If he can only swim 5m he's not really ready for the big pool, it will be exhausting for him if he's not an efficient enough swimmer, and likely put him off even more.
I'd put him in the friendly lessons, and if possible take him swimming once a month yourself and try to incorporate some games like chasing a ball pit ball that's floating along.

He will get there in time, just give lots of praise and keep it fun so that he's relaxed. Often trying "too hard" at swimming makes them fail, as they then rush their movements and flail in a quicker less efficient way.

If he can only swim 5m he's not really ready for the big pool, it will be exhausting for him if he's not an efficient enough swimmer, and likely put him off even more.
I'd put him in the friendly lessons, and if possible take him swimming once a month yourself and try to incorporate some games like chasing a ball pit ball that's floating along.

He will get there in time, just give lots of praise and keep it fun so that he's relaxed. Often trying "too hard" at swimming makes them fail, as they then rush their movements and flail in a quicker less efficient way.

I think that, given how much time and money has already gone into this, a last push with 1 to 1 lessons with a recommended teacher who has experience with helping learners with issues would be worthwhile.

If that doesn't work then consider why it is that you feel he needs to be able to swim. If you go sailing or kayaking regularly then maybe it's worth persevering but otherwise there's no point in putting in so much effort and getting so little improvement back out. Let it lapse, just swim for fun with floats etc, and if he feels he needs to learn in future he can do adult beginner lessons.

My dd did a 9+ learn to swim course, 6 weeks and she was swimming

agree with @OpenLanes for ways to motivate and enjoy being in the pool
@sawnotseen
But OP has been taking to swimming lessons since baby. Same for me, 2DS both in lessons since babies (from about 3 months old). one can swim a little bit and is now 10 (dyspraxia eventually revealing itself as the explanation), other DS was swimming like a fish by age 3. Both love being in the pool and have a splash around so nothing to do with fear or cold water or poor teachers. Difficulty with coordination and core strength can prevent some children from perfecting the art of swimming.

True, but there might be a happy medium. The pool he is in right now it is too tempting to just put his feet down and push off. I've seen him once or twice swim a bit further, but it isn't consistent because there is an easy way out.

Yes I totally agree as the family fun sessions are usually in the teaching pools. There is a session in our local big pool though so it might be worth trying. Or I was thinking of maybe getting a membership for a local hotel pool which is 15m long and 0.9-1.4m deep, so should be best of both worlds.