Advice for a total exercise newbie

[ConfusedAndStressed95]

I am in my early 20's and I need to lose half of my body weight and I have no idea where to start. Over the past few months I have completely changed my diet and I am losing weight slowly but I really want to get fit, but I'm terrified of joining the gym or fitness classes.

My friends are gym goers and have offered to take me and show me around and work with me but I really don't want them to. I don't want them to see just how unfit I am. I'm working towards the Couch to 5k but I'm unsure about what else I could do. I used to play rugby as a teenager but I don't know if I want to go back to that type of commitment until I can run more than ten yards without feeling like I'll pass out.

I'm looking at local fitness groups but they're mainly aimed at older people and I'm not sure I'd fit in. Ideally I think I'd like to go to the gym but one that my friends don't go use. It's likely that I'd pay for a personal trainer for awhile until I know what I'm doing but I'm really afraid of sticking out like a sore thumb or having people judge me. I know I don't look massively overweight despite needing to lose so much as I 'carry it well' and that people of all shapes and sizes use the gym but it's a massive irrational fear. How do I get over this and make the seemingly minor but actually monumental step into new and better habits?

This is the absolute, 100% truth...

No one at the gym cares. No. One. Cares. People are too busy dealing with their own shit to even bother noticing you. If there is the odd person who does notice you, they will be happy for you that you're trying to improve your health.

Please stop wasting your time and life worrying about what others may think. They don't know you and they don't matter.

You are very VERY lucky to have friends who want to help you progress on your journey. Take advantage of it! They love you for good reason. Take the leap and go for it. You won't regret it!

@Aquamarine1029, thanks. I needed to hear that. I'd love to go to the gym with my friends but the one who is really into sport and fitness would want to 'coach' me and I don't want that to become the dynamic. I do realise that I am very lucky to have friends that want to support me though.

most gyms as part of the induction will show you what to do, how to use the machines based on what you are trying to achiveve
so a personal trainer may not be needed

I am also a total exercise newbie. I've never been fit and so have had a lifetime of telling myself that I'm just one of those people that carries too much weight, that I'm no good at exercise, that I'm not the sort of person that goes to the gym. Well, I finally decided that I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and even if I didn't want to do it, I was going to do it anyway. I joined a gym, had an introductory PT session and I'm just going to keep on doing it as I hate feeling the way I have been. What has helped me is making a playlist of motivational speeches for fitness, there are loads on YouTube and I'm listening to them while I work out so I have a voice in my ear constantly reminding me to move forward.

Wishing you the best of luck, I'm early 30s and it's taken until now to finally get to the point where I NEED to make the change....I just wish I'd started earlier!

@Pepperwand, my housemate always invites me to the gym with her but I don't want to go with her. She is really really lovely thats not the issue. It's that she is really really fit and pretty and I'd feel like an elephant about to explode next to her. I know it's silly and I've no issue going clubbing or dancing or whatever with her but she's the sort of person who would make me feel intimidated at the gym.

Firstly what do you mean you're working towards couch to five k? Have you started? If not why not, and well, get started,,if you have started well done.😄

As for the gym, as pp said, no one gives a shit. I have a home gym, but there is also one in our office and when I'm work travelling I use hotel ones. I've seen many large people, very very large people, and they crack on at their own pace and no one looks twice.

I'd also add that size is no indication if fitness. I've seen some very slim people who ar clearly very unfit, I've seen some very large people who can seriously move. I've also seen more people than I can remember playing at it. Like getting on the bike, and cycling so slowly whilst watching thr tv that they may as well be sitting on their sofa at home (and yeah I know about hidden disabilities before anyone gets a bit righteous). I've also seen people come in, run for about two mins on the tread mill and then leave again knackered.

The point is, you get all shapes and sizes in the gym, as well as all levels of fitness.. No one is watching, everyone is focused on themselves, and not everyone in there is exercising like they have mr motivator shouting obscenities in their ear.

Genuinely you've nothing to worry about, so don't let fear hold you back.

Totally agree with @Aquamarine1029 , people are only interested in themselves. Personally I've never lost weight at the gym but I did C25K two years ago and have never looked back. I'm not good at running but can do a 10k with a strong wind behind me. I like being in the fresh air and choosing when I can exercise so they are other advantages. Obviously you should make sure you can be seen for safety reasons, but I prefer sometimes going out in the dark as I feel less conspicuous. Good luck!

Joe Wicks HIIT sessions, they're brilliant and you only need a small space to do them.

The thing about the gym op is not just it aids weight loss but it changes the way your body looks. It tightens everything up, gives a more toned appearance.

The benefits are huge, not just in terms of health, but also your overall appearance especially if you're on a big journey.

A personal trainer is a good plan, because you need to find what you enjoy doing. And do different things, so you might enjoy weights, or running, or elliptical, or rowing. Doing different things keeps it from getting boring, and if you do things you enjoy, it does not become a chore. You don't need to do anything uou don't enjoy and you don't need to do the same shit for hours on end or every time.

@Bluntness100, I've started. I walked 7 miles in one go yesterday which isn't something I've done before. I know size doesn't indicate fitness but she is seriously fit. She competes in many many different sports and lifts weights. I'd be one of those people going slowly on the bikes or run for two mins and then leave because I have no stamina or endurance. I have hidden disiblities and while I used to be very fit when I was about 14 this is the first time in 8 years I've been cleared for any sort of fitness and activity. I've agreed to go to ballroom dancing and cèilidh society with my housemate as she's been going for a couple of years and is very frustrated I've never been despite going to a performing arts school and dance class throughout my life. Which may be a fun way to get fit.

@PolloDePrimavera, I live in the safest city in the UK so I'm very confident about going out in the dark so the other morning I was out walking at 4 and I really really enjoyed it. I used to go mountain biking and it made me really really happy. But it's not something that I think I can get back into yet and I hate cycling on roads so wouldn't cycle otherwise.

@HollyBollyBooBoo, that could work. I've got just about enough room in my room to do them.

@Bluntness100, I would really need a PT. I lose motivation and give up really quickly especially if I'm not comfortable so having someone to keep me on track would be beneficial. I think I'll likely find a gym that my friends don't go to though and as cliche as it sounds I will likely wait till January because I just can't afford it right now and I'm not actually going to be in my city for 90% of December so I'd be wasting money till I get back.

@ConfusedAndStressed95 good on you, you've made progress already! It'll become a habit after not long and you'll get twitchy, wanting to exercise!

If you like dancing try zumba...great cardio and if you can dance you’ll feel better at it than those who can’t regardless of your size!

I do know how you’re feeling...being the “fat one” when everyone you are with is thinner and fitter is very bad motivation to go to exercise. Go to the gym by yourself and have a good induction with a trainer then do it alone. Audio books or music are good. And remember that 2 minutes on a treadmill is still better than 2 minutes on a sofa! Even if you start with very low intensity/short time you will get fitter and increase it slowly!

And I hate to push it but c25k really does work and doesn’t involve joining a gym! Start it now, do it 3 times a week and you’ll be amazed. A year ago I couldn’t run at all - yesterday I almost did 5k in under 35 mins (I know still pathetically slow to all the runners who think anyone can run 5k in under 30 with no training at all) but a major achievement for me! Ask for good trainers for Xmas...

Look up joe Galloway run/walk training...he’s an ex Olympian who teaches that you take walk breaks to improve...just like you do in c25k..

Swimming is a great exercise to start with - low impact on your joints, take things at your own pace etc. Then work up to higher impact cardio. But I completely agree with the person who said that no one in the gym will care, and will just be glad that you are looking to improve your fitness.

@PolloDePrimavera, I'm used to walking or at least I was, my mother had a holiday cottage on the Northumbrian coast so I'd walk for miles each day. The nearest village was a 12 mile walk if you didn't cut across the beach and I've done that walk a lot. It was a little disheartening to realise just how tired I was after 7 but I expected I'd be a lot worse than I was. I think once my stamina has improved I'd quite like running. I used to enjoy the treadmill.

@PetraDelphiki, I like ballroom dancing because the steps are easy to follow. I dislike the flailing around that goes with zumba, I tried it a couple of years ago and really didn't enjoy it. I have ASD and panic in visually busy places and ballroom/cèilidh at least they're fairly regimented and while cèilidh's aren't calm they're easy to follow and often paired which I think I prefer. Because I'd only dance with someone I'd trust and that prevents a lot of the panic. I'm going to go for another walk tomorrow, mainly because tomorrow I need to go into town and pick up cheese and wine for my housemate but I really need decent trainers. The ones I have have ripped massive holes into my ankles. I'm not so much fussed about being the fat one, I'm very confident about myself and my body because I'm overweight but I've a good body shape and I can dress well but I am bothered about being the unfit one. I'm very ashamed about how long I've let this go on and get this bad. I know it's not totally my fault and in part worsened by health issues I have no control over (4 types of scoliosis, ehlers-danlos syndrome which causes my hip to pop out, my heart was very weak for a long time thanks to an autoimmune disorder and over summer they thought I had lung cancer or COPD) and it's been up and down like that for roughly 8 years. I used to do running, hiking, surfing/bodyboarding, mountain biking, dancing, football, lacrosse, kickboxing, netball, hockey and throughout school I played on the boys rugby team because there wasn't a girls one but nothing in the rules saying I couldn't play if I got through tryouts. And now I can't walk up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath or walk quickly and it's really starting to bother me. I'm looking into kickboxing classes for adults in my city because I really enjoyed them but there don't seem to be many. Theres a couple of Judo clubs but in Judo there is a lot more physical contact and I'm not sure I'd like that.

@chocolatesaltyballs22, I can only swim in chlorine free pools. I'm very allergic. I quite liked HIIT/Cross training. I think the constant switching is something that works well for me but I'm not fit enough to do that again yet.

It's really hard because when I mentioned to my mum on the phone that my housemate has asked me to go to the gym with her she made a lot of sly digs and thought it was funny that anyone would think I'd be able or willing to do that. Part of me wants to go to show her I can but the other part of me wants me to curl up into a ball and hide.

Ignore your mum, she should be encouraging you. Show her she's wrong! Why would she want to drag you down like that?

Believe me I know how daunting it can be starting to exercise. I started my fitness journey nearly 5 years ago and it was hard. But the rewards are fantastic. I'm still a little overweight but the satisfaction I get when I come out of a really tough spin class and I survived is brilliant!

Go for it - you won't regret it.

Aqua is 100% right - "No one at the gym cares. No. One. Cares"

Everyone is so busy worrying about themselves to care about you.
Far from being a mean thing, it's actually very liberating!

My main advice however, is to find the thing that floats your boat.
Whether it is badminton, nordic hiking or bog snorkelling. Finding that one thing you love to do will be key to success and sticking with it. And that can be team pursuit, solo competing or a mix. There is no right or wrong option.

For example, I am not a runner. I have tried and failed umpteen times. I did C25k and hated it and loathed parkrun with a fiery passion. But stand me behind a barbell and I will try and pick up anything you put on it! We're all different and that's great!

Good luck in finding your thing.

(Oh, and all gyms/classes/PTs are not equal. Some you will begrudge going to, some will feel like a second home. Don't be afraid to try several)

I'd be one of those people going slowly on the bikes or run for two mins and then leave because I have no stamina or endurance

So? And then the next time, or the time after that, you leave after two and a half mins, and then three mins and then five, and you build it up,

Ignore your mum. Prove her wrong. Fitness is a funny thing, it doesn't take that long to build it up. A month after starting whatever you fancy you will notice a huge difference, and again a month after that.

Go for it.

I'd be one of those people going slowly on the bikes or run for two mins and then leave because I have no stamina or endurance

As Bluntness says, so? It never gets easier, you just get better!

In my HIIT classes we often use equipment. When I started there I was using 7kg balls. 18 months later I am doing the same exercise but with 23kg balls!

I'm a PT and go to the gym daily and if someone judges you they are the kind of person that will find fault with you no matter what. If I see someone who isn't obviously a regular gym goer it needs to lose a lot of weight I always am so pleased for them that they have made that first positive step.

Couch 2 5k is brilliant. We did it last year, both middle aged and fat. Now we do Parkrun every Saturday (highly recommended).

I've joined the local gym and do Zumba and Pilates. Also Water aerobics sometimes. Go for it!

@chocolatesaltyballs22, I didn't get it either, especially as shes very concerned about my weight and fitness. I think she said it without thinking but she consistently tells me to go on a diet and lose weight but by saying "I'd pay good money to see that" referring to me at the gym shes basically saying that she thinks I'll make a fool of myself. I know I've not done any activity or sports in years but it wasn't completely through choice and she knows how fit I was in the past and that I like being active. I enjoy the endorphin rush and I'm really competitive so loved that side of things because I was good and enjoyed winning. I think I'd probably enjoy spin classes but I want to improve my stamina first.

@BuzzShitbagBobbly, there are lots of things I liked doing. I lift occasionally at home, admittedly my weights are only 10kg but its about as much as I can mange right now. I love walking and hiking, I'd really like to do the Three Peaks Challenge. I like Rugby, Hockey, Football, Mountain Biking, Rowing, Surfing/Bodyboarding, Kickboxing, Ballroom and Scottish and social dancing, HIIT/Circuit Training. I also weirdly loved doing the beep test. I think I either need the intensity of playing a team game or rapid burst of different activity or a sport where I can get an adrenaline rush or like walking and hiking can be alone with my thoughts. It's just a terrifying thought to picture going. I think part of it is shame that I've let myself go so much and that I don't want to see proof of how unfit I am. It's really difficult to face that.

@Bluntness100, that's true and I suppose considering how low my bar is currently any progress I make in stamina will become obvious to me very quickly as long as I keep going.

@BuzzShitbagBobbly, I get that and it's really cool that you can progress that quickly. When I started lifting with my damaged arm I could only lift 2.5kg and now I can do it with 10kg instead. It's still difficult but my grip and mobility in my left arm in now almost on par with my right again.

@Bloomburger, that's how I would feel about someone else. I usually don't have such poor confidence but I think it's mainly because I am judging myself from when I was healthy and able to do exercise after 8 years of being unable to do anything and against my very sporty and healthy friends who haven't had the physical health issues that I've had. Which isn't fair to them as they are incredibly sweet and lovely and supportive and nonjudgmental even without knowing that I want to get into fitness and my poor fitness level.

@beguilingeyes, thanks, I'm looking into the different gyms and their prices and packages but I'm avoiding the ones that my friends are going to for now. Once my fitness improves I may go to the gym with them instead.

I think part of it is shame that I've let myself go so much and that I don't want to see proof of how unfit I am. It's really difficult to face that.

It is and I understand. I was the fattest woman when I joined my gym and I am still the fattest now, by a country mile! Just a bit firmer round the edges!

The only thing I can tell you is the fear of taking that first step (literally and figuratively) is far worse than actually doing it. Once you are in, you will look back at yourself and wonder what the fuss was about.

It took me a good 2 years(!) to pluck up the nerve to join my place. I regret my dilly dallying sorely as it has helped me so much in body and mind.

You've listed loads of things you want to try, so now its time for the big girl pants and a deep breath. BTW, I started with spinning too. It kills you the first few times, but like I said earlier, it never gets easier, because you just get better and push yourself harder!