How can my DH put weight on?

[Valerrie]

I've posted here for myself today and had some fantastic responses so I'm going to post for DH too.

My DH has lost a huge amount of weight in the last two years. We think this is due to giving up alcohol and stress because I've been very ill. He's been to the GP who ran tests and everything is fine. They prescribed him anti sickness tablets which don't work and meal replacement shakes which he hates.

Hes 6ft3 and weighs just over 9 stone. He's so painfully thin and is constantly aching due to what the GP thinks is muscle wastage because of his weight.

He feels sick a lot with stress so finds it difficult to eat. He's quite fussy, doesn't like a lot of foods that contain healthy fats like nuts and avocado and skips meals because he's running round as my carer and working full time.

How can he put weight on? He does an office job but spends mornings sorting the dogs, making breakfast and DDs packed lunch, my lunch, school run, work, school run, after school hobbies, cooking tea, dishes, laundry, more dogs etc. He's always exhausted and although I try and help as much as I can, I'm disabled and am often completely bedridden.

He flat out refuses breakfast because he can't stomach food. Would fruit juice help? Coffee with cream? I've suggested he eats little and often but said he's not allowed to snack at his desk.

What can I do?

Get rid of the stress feelings by exercise

Stress release hormones and to get rid of those hormones - that leave you feeling sick you can exercise ( which is good for you) then eat

My husband put on 3 stone taking hard gainer extreme from My Protein . Com

2 or 3 of those milkshakes a day will help him

My husband lifted weights to but the shear amount of calories and carbs in them will alone add weight

Mirtazapine? It’s an anti-depressant which could help your DH with his stress but more important for his situation is that it’s an appetite stimulant and can be prescribed for patients who need to put on weight.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirtazapine

Many years ago, my weight dropped to 6.5 stone after a bereavement and I was desperate to gain weight before TTC again. My sister (a nurse) recommended that I eat normal meals and have super-charged milkshakes in between. The shakes comprised a pint of full cream milk, a raw egg, a sachet of Banana Complan and a whole (peeled!) banana. Bung it all in a blender and blend till smooth.

I had 3 of the shakes each day, between meals. They certainly helped. I found that once I started to gain weight, my appetite improved as well. I gained 2 stones within about 3 months.

When he makes lunches for you and your dd does he make one for himself? Same with evening meal? Yes to hot drinks with milk and sugar and fruit juices in the morning if he can't face breakfast. Would he talk to a therapist? It sounds like he has a huge amount to cope with but neglicting himself won't help in the long run. He really needs to get to the bottom of why he can't eat normally.

To put weight on he needs to eat more. The stress means he has no appetite which makes it really hard to force yourself to eat. Can you afford outside help with some of the chores so he can focus on himself with exercise etc?

Thank you SO much for your replies so far. I'm going to look into everything tomorrow.

Unfortunately he's really difficult to get to the GP. It was hard enough getting him to have blood tests. There's absolutely no way he'd speak to a therapist. I've suggested it many times.

No, we can't afford help - I've had to give up teaching and claim PIP and his wages are only just enough to keep us afloat. There's nothing available for us with regards to social care aside from meals on wheels.

What kind of person is he op? Is he pragmatic? Sensitive? Head down, carry on type? He really can not carry on how he is. He is properly under weight and will make himself (more)ill if he doesn't start to eat. What foods does he like? Would cooking meals as a family appeal, could your dc help?

Hard to describe. Sullen and miserable, cares deeply but shows it in odd ways. Loyal. Head down get on with it but lets me know he's not happy about it.

DD loves cooking, when I'm OK I do cook with her. He likes junk food. Pizza and burgers, chips etc. Crap. He'll eat other healthy things but always chooses crap first.

Then order loads of crap for him, he's so underweight he needs calories above all else,

Then order crap. Or make it together. It sounds like you're going through a bit of a tough time, would he go for a pizza and a chill out in front of a film? Make burgers with mayo and onion rings. If dd likes cooking make it a family thing. If he's loyal and a head down type of person maybe a bit of fun would help?

My son was in a similar position, needing to put weight on. He went to the doctor who said "double carb to put weight on, reduce carbs to take weight off." So - garlic bread with lasagne, bread and butter with chips, Yorkshire pudding with roast potatoes....

Could he do that?

This is guidance from the NHS website for older people who are underweight:

How to eat if you've lost your appetite
As we get older, it is common for our appetite to get smaller and we may not feel like eating.
If you're underweight and your appetite has decreased, it’s still important to get all the energy and nutrients that your body needs. There are three ways to do this:

Switch to smaller meals and frequent snacks, so that you're not struggling to eat three large meals a day.
Increase your calorie intake by eating foods, like milky puddings and cheesy main courses.
Avoid filling up on foods that are high in saturated fat or sugars, such as sugary fizzy drinks, cakes and biscuits.
Tips to boost your calorie intake
Try these following healthy yet still high-energy meal and snack ideas:
porridge made with whole (full-fat) milk, with fruit or dried fruit on top
sardines on toast
peanut butter on toast
soups with pulses, pasta or meats
cottage/shepherd’s pie
beans on toast with cheese sprinkled on top
milky drinks as a bedtime snack
unsalted nuts

Add more calories from healthier foods to your diet to help you gain weight:
Sprinkle grated cheese on savoury dishes.
Add cheese or milk to soups.
Spread avocado on toast for a high-energy and healthy snack.
Pour white sauce (made with butter, flour and milk) on fish or vegetables.
Replace one cup of tea or coffee each day with a cup of warm full-fat milk.
Put milk or butter into mashed potato.

And some more guidance from Web MD:

Foods that pack a punch

Foods highest in calories and nutrients are those high in fat. Plant fats from nuts, peanuts, seeds, peanut butter, almond butter, avocados, hummus and oils are great sources of healthy fats loaded with nutrients and calories.

Animal fats provide nutrients and the same amount of calories as plant fats, but they also contain saturated fats, which can increase bad cholesterol.

Drink high-calorie juices instead of water and choose high-calorie condiments, such as mayonnaise, thousand island, and Caesar salad dressings.

Meal replacement drinks and smoothies are very convenient. Eat nuts by the handful or sprinkle them on top of soups, salads, cereal, desserts and casseroles for added protein, fibre, healthy fat and calories. Granola, loaded with nuts and dried fruits, is a concentrated source of nutritious calories, especially when eaten with full-fat Greek-style yogurt, which is higher in protein than milk.

Dried fruits are a concentrated source of calories that can be tossed on salads, yogurts, cereals, desserts and trail mixes or eaten alone.

Potatoes are a great vehicle for toppings. When you cook potatoes, add in flavoured oils, milk, cheese, chilli, vegetables and beans.

Another easy way to add calories is to drizzle olive oil on vegetables, salads, whole grains, soups, casseroles and stews.