Morbidly obese and Chronic illness - how to start?

[Valerrie]

Hi, I'm looking for some advice please.

I'm morbidly obese with a BMI of about 46. I'm 5ft1 and I weigh 17.5 stone. I struggle with my weight due to eating crap, comfort eating, convenience eating due to disabilities and no exercise.

I have fibromyalgia and a spinal injury, osteoarthritis all over, cervical spondylosis, Peri-menopausal, celiac and ibs. I'm 35

I know I need to change my diet. Due to the fact that I'm in bed most of the time, I find it too hard to go downstairs, stand and make food. This means I'm eating sugary cereal for breakfast, a sandwich my husband leaves me with crisps and chocolate, a couple of pieces of food and then a takeaway or something that can be oven cooked quickly for tea like gf nuggets and chips, steak and mash, ready meals etc. My husband is ill himself and works full time so can't spend much time cooking.

I'm now finding it difficult to just move the minimal amount. If I go downstairs and walk back up I'm incredibly breathless and my heart races and pounds. Even walking to the bathroom leaves me breathless.

I really want to tackle my problems but I don't know how. I have severe health anxiety so can't see a GP because I can't leave the house. My blood pressure is fine. If I start moving around and I feel my pulse elevate I have panic attacks. I'm limited to what I can do because of neck and spine pain and knee pain.

I'm so, so miserable and scared. I can't seem to get a grip and make healthy food choices but then we never have healthy food here. My husband does the shopping and he's underweight so buys junk. DD eats healthily but is starting to notice my poor choices.

What can I do? I've spent the morning in a state of extreme panic because I walked up the stairs and I thought my heart was coming out of my chest.

Also I've begged and pleaded with my husband to not buy junk and to help me and he does for a few days but he said it's just too stressful how miserable I get without junk snacks.

I'm so sorry - but you really do need to see a GP. Your health anxiety is your biggest problem just now. Can you phone the practice manager and tell them about your agoraphobia and near bed bound status? You might even qualify for gastric surgery, your situation sounds severe enough. Ask your husband to sit with you and encourage you while you make the call? Best of luck .

You have internet so as you are home you could make shopping lists and do an online food shop

Fruit bowl nearby for snacking

Look up some YouTube videos of weightloss success stories

There's lots you can do to start off.... good luck!

You can do an online shop for healthy food, as you know! Don't make excuses about that.

It actually sounds like you are sugar addicted..... you can break that

Have a look at slimming world online?

Look up 'debbiedoesslimmingworld' on YouTube..... she's flipping amazing and has spent the last year losing over 12 stone!!

Call the gp you are entitled to a home visit under these circumstances

You can do weight watchers online if you find it hard to get about. I lots 3 stone with them. Your husband is going to have to support you though, at the moment he appears to be helping you overeat

It's the sugar that's causing the problem, OP. If you could get rid of that in your diet, you'd have some tough days at first but would feel so much better.

Could you do an online shop to arrive in the evening rather than rely on your husband buying food? Could your doctor make a house call if your husband explained the situation?

Have a look at a book by Jason Vale. I've read this and I swear he's hypnotised me! He compares sugar and unhealthy eating to smoking and taking other drugs. However, you do have to go cold turkey. It sounds as though you know that something has to change - now is the time to do it while you're having those thoughts!

When you think about it, what is so scary about only being able to eat food that is healthy? His book is all about how sugar etc in food makes us addicted to junk food and fear healthy food. I was reading it and agreeing with him but now I've found myself avoiding rubbish food without thinking about it.

Make a start today - you're in the right frame of mind to make a change to your life.

Sorry I should explain I have been to the GP about the anxiety. I was referred to psychological services after a few breakdowns and I'm waiting for CBT, there's nothing more they can do for me at the moment. I didn't want to drip feed, my post was so long.

It is an excuse I know. We tend not to online shop because I've had to stop teaching and I'm on Pip now. We are really struggling with money so rarely have enough for a big shop at once. DH buys bits every day which works out cheaper for us, less waste and it means we can shop as various bits get paid in, his wages, child tax credits etc.

Please ring your GP and beg them for a home visit. Given you myriad issues I sincerely hope you will be granted one, as you clearly need to see a doctor.

And yes, do online shopping. Get it delivered at a time when your DH or DD can open the door to receive it, if you are bed-bound.

You do have choices and you can make changes, even from your bed. You're only 35. You have so much of your life ahead of you. Please get the help you need.

Most weight loss is down to diet, not exercise, so you can do this. Can you book a telephone appointment or Home visit to get the ball rolling?

Is there a self referral scheme for weight loss/healthy living in your area?

I'm definitely addicted to sugar. Recently if I don't eat straight away, I seem to be getting crashes where I'm shaky, cold and feel very ill until I eat again. This makes me panic so I keep shoving sugar in so it doesn't happen.

My husband also does enable me to overeat. He buys me massive bars of chocolate and puts them in my bedroom drawer etc. I've sobbed and asked him not to and he knows how overweight I am and how bad it is but he still does it. I know I don't have to eat it but when it's there and I can't move to get something else I mindlessly shove it in.

My GP won't do a house call. I've pleaded and cried on the phone.

You can get very good gf ready meals called Kirstys from Sainsburys or Ocado - both of whom deliver. They are 300-400 calories each and long dates so you could stock up in one delivery for a few weeks.

MOMA do GF porridge pots so you could get those and just add boiling water, so no time at all to do.

But mainly I agree with others that you need to see your GP to start getting some help for your anxiety so it doesn't control you. They may also be able to refer you to an exercise group

Yes, the GP said I can see the nurse about diet but it's getting there. I'm terrified of leaving the house at the moment. I have done SW in the past and lost nearly 2 stone but I give up very easily, especially if I don't go to meetings, which is impossible at the moment.

My local group is very uninspiring too. Two hours of going through everyone's loss or gains individually and that's it. No recipes or interesting talks.

I feel like I'm making lots of excuses and I am, but I'm so miserable all I want to do is eat the three bags of crisps my DH has left next to me

You also shouldn't be peri-menopausal at 35 unless you have a family history of early menopause. Most women don't start getting peri symptoms until early 40s.

Your DH sounds like a feeder to me. Google it. Buying massive chocolate bars when you're seriously overweight is a form of abuse.

Thank you CMOT, low calorie ready meals and pots sound like a good idea. They'd be easy for me to do. I also like the idea of having a fruit bowl in the bedroom.

My DH said to me this morning that he's having trouble sleeping because I'm so wide. I need to sort it out.

Peri-menopause runs in my family. My mum was 34. I have terrible hormone problems that don't help my weight. It was only when I started taking clomid, then the mini pill and norethisterone that all the panic attacks and anxiety started.

I'll google feeder, thank you. He does have issues with being low level EA.

I think you are going to have to confront your husband

He sounds like he enjoys keeping you like this

But he's the one buying the food and leaving chocolate in your room!

A fruit bowl is OK but it's all sugar. Nuts would be better and really stave off your hunger.

He doesn't force me to eat anything he buys, nor does he force me to eat meals he's made. If he cooks and I only eat a bit, he's not bothered at all.

He does buy chocolate but I'm guessing in his head it's because he's replacing what I eat. If I didn't eat it he wouldn't buy more until I'd eaten what's here. If I try and do slimming world, he gets annoyed if I ask him to buy me junk and says I give up too easily.

I don't think he likes me fat. He doesn't ever say I look bad and this morning was the first comment he's made but he has suggested in the past that I should go back to slimming world for my health and that I'd be so much happier if I lost weight.

I think he's just trying to make me happy as I'm so miserable because I'm so ill all the time and I've gone from being a busy successful teacher to a lump who lies in bed crying all day.

Sorry to hear that things are so tough for you currently op but well done for posting

I think there are a few things you can do for yourself but given the fact that you have several health conditions, and you are anxious, I think you need to get some outside support. Ringing your gp (or getting your DH to or a supportive friend to ring them on your behalf) would be a good first step. And then they could help to advise you on diet and exercise and your anxiety and may be able to access some home support for you?

And in the meantime, how about you writing your dh a list of healthy items to buy? And meal plan for him by suggesting healthy, simple meals.

Or looking on-line for some psychological support? I have just Googled and "Mind" and "No more panic" look helpful.

Good luck op, you deserve a happier life, and you don't want things to get worse, so please don't be afraid to ring your go.

Good luck and keep posting x

Next to my bed right now I have a banana, a pear, a low fat yoghurt, three bags of wotsits, a multipack of flakes and a bag of marshmallows.

I have myself to blame here as usually I'll eat the crisps, a flake and some marshmallows as I fear my blood sugar dropping.

Thank you, you'd think because I'm so terrified of hospitals and heart attacks, I'd be able to stop this.

Would my GP maybe read a letter? I've tried calling a few times but I can't get past the receptionists. They know my issues but are so incredibly unhelpful.

I don't have any local friends either so I'm very lonely and I don't see anyone other than DH and DD. I'm alone all day while he's at work wallowing in self pity.

How old are your children op?

It sounds like he does like you being dependant on him though - he has all the control and he has none.
Drop the crisps down the stairs now. If there's chocolate in your room, drop it downstairs now too - you can take control of this!

How about downloading a mindfullness app and start doing that?
Look at some youtube videos of chair based exercises

You can start making tiny changes now - your illnesses and your DH don't get to decide what you do, you do, and you can do it