My neighbours in the flat above have a severely autistic child of around 4 years old. They really struggle and, having had an autistic cousin as a child and seen how tough my aunt and uncle found it, I completely sympathise. However, the child's stimming and meltdowns - and the parents' loud, angry responses - are slowly wearing down my physical and mental health: I am sleep-deprived, I've developed a twitch in one eye, I often feel tight-chested and short of breath, and I struggle to focus on my work or even watch TV in the evenings. This child has just as much right to a home as I do, and her behaviour is just her way of coping with the world, so I don't feel any right to be angry at her or to complain to the landlord who owns both of our flats. I don't know if there is realistically anything I can say or do, short of just moving, but that would feel like a huge disappointment (not to mention a stressful upheaval) having only just moved here 6 months ago after a very challenging and expensive flat search. With so few rental properties available, I felt an enormous sense of relief when I secured this place, and I've put in a lot of work to make it a home I can enjoy for several years, but now I am starting to worry about what living here is doing to me.
A bit more detail: most days I am jolted awake by loud screaming some time between 5 and 7am (it seems that the fact of simply being awake causes the child immense distress) and then throughout the rest of the day there are usually a few hours of stimming that takes various forms (banging on the walls or floor, monotonous moaning, or sometimes what you might call animal impersonations like barking, yapping, or growling). Most days this culminates in a meltdown of at least 30 minutes, during which time the child is overwhelmed with distress and will scream, cry, and throw herself around the flat. I've never heard screaming like it, and it sends me into a slight feeling of "fight or flight". My walls and ceiling shake and I tend to struggle to focus on whatever I'm doing, as she's audible over my work calls, TV, music etc even with noise-cancelling headphones on. What makes this worse is that the parents often respond with angry yelling, whether at the child or at each other. (Occasionally, while the father is out at work, the mother will just yell at people on the phone for hours on end - they are just very loud, angry people.) It is clear to me that they are overwhelmed by their child, or they are in denial about the extent of her disability, because I've often heard them trying to "count to 10" to get her to stop screaming. This feels unfair, as if they think she's a neurotypical child just having a tantrum or trying to get her own way, rather than someone whose brain is wired differently and cannot cope with her surroundings. On several occasions during a particularly difficult period, I heard them dragging her around and possibly even hitting her - which I reported to the NSPCC. They promised it would be looked into by Child Services but I'm not sure what's been done, if anything. Things reached their saddest and most distressing point when I recently heard the mother yell at the child "Fine, I'll kill myself and leave you to fend for yourself!" This child may not understand the words, but I'm sure she can in some way sense the feeling behind them; I think this stressful environment directly contributes to her meltdowns.
I wish there were something I could do, but I fear that letting them know just how much I can hear would entrench the shame and intensely private attitude that I believe they already have: they have never opened their curtains in the 6 months I've lived here and they often refuse to open the door to the postman, or even pretend to not be in when he knocks on their door. I worry about the anger-filled environment this child is growing up in, and that any potential conflict I create with the parents will just be taken out on the little girl. Is there anything I can say - to them, to the landlord, to the council - without making this situation even worse? Should I just stop investing emotionally and financially into making this place a home and accept that I need to move? I feel trapped not only by the circumstances but by the feeling of guilt that I am not even entitled to have these complaints in the first place, given the extreme challenges facing this family. I'd be really grateful for any advice, thank you.