"To have or not to have children?"

[Indecisivewoman]

Hello, people, can you help me? I am very, very, very unsure about having children or not, it's really a huge dilemma for me. I have considered many advantages and disadvantages from both sides, and yet I am still undecided. I am 38 years old and I feel I am at the age limit. As you all here are experienced parents, maybe you can help me. I read a lot out there that many people regret having children, but they don't talk about it. Can anyone here give me some guidance? I am afraid of regretting not having children in the future. And I am afraid of regretting having children. It's such a difficult decision for me! And I like children a lot! But I also love my freedom.

Thank you very much! Best wishes for you all.

@JorisBonson how can a family continue without children and grandchildren

Why does it need to continue?

And this wasn't your original point. You can have a stable, loving family without children. Children aren't a guarantee of that either.

Oh come on, this is a windup now. No-one can be stupid enough to think that a family is just children.

I'm allowed to have a view. Totally fine if others don't agree that most will regret now having their own children.

Everyone thinks their own opinion is right. It's not dogged to believe children are more important than any material thing, the sacrifice is worth it etc

We can all disagree - you can all make your own choices and live with the consequences. I wish you all well with your decisions.

Having kids is not the big deal people make it out to be. Humans have been having kids in difficult circumstances since the dawn of time. In times of famine, war, plagues.

For my family, we can no longer afford to go on holiday because it’s too expensive in the school holidays and I don’t like camping or caravan holidays, so we don’t bother.

Big deal. I don’t think the average British person enjoyed holidays until paid holiday was introduced in 1938. So it’s less than 100 years since the concept of holiday.

I don’t need holidays, concerts, meals out, theme park trips etc to be happy. I can enjoy nature and take a picnic. We’re lucky enough to afford a car to travel to different places.

We’re all different, but personally I’d rather have my kids than holidays and other luxuries.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain
Of course not - children grow into adults and will have their own children.

But I can say -that in my old age I hope to have my adult children and grand children around. I'd rather that than a cruise - that's my preference and what I value. Others are free to feel fulfilled by material things - you do you.

There's a couple of wholly unfounded assumptions about me in that post.

Ok- not many 80year olds have a career. And other 80year olds aren't going to be wheeling my wheelchair about.

Of course friends and hobbies at all ages is important - I just don't think they can replace family (in the form of children and grandchildren)

I've given my views - you're allows to think differently and give different advice. Hearing a multitude of views is the purpose of asking a question - why ask- if you only want one view?

Oh right - we're back to the 'my children are going to be wiping your arse when you're old' line, aren't we?

Where have I said that?
And they might actually- I will be happy to care for my parents that way.
Your crude, blunt phrasing makes me think you don't value care of your elders. Again, each to their own. You make your own decisions and I'll make mine.

My elders are all dead. And your crude blunt attempt at emotional guilt tripping over how I phrase things and the rest of it hasn't worked.

It's not emotional guilt tripping. It's my honest view and you choose how you respond to it. Makes zero difference to me if you choose not to have kids. I'm just saying my Jen view- I'm not attacking you for having a different view.

Thinking about the situation at population level, we are going to be in a lot of trouble if women of child bearing age en mass decide not to have children.

I do worry about this looking at the ageing population. As a society we need to make it much easier and less expensive to have a child.

It benefits the whole of society to provide free childcare, tax credits, child benefit etc, but we need to do more to make it more affordable and attractive.

Otherwise we will all suffer from measly pensions, poor care in our old age etc

Very low effort windups lately on threads like this.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain
My views are valid and not particularly out there or unusual.

You choose to be wound up for whatever reason. People are allowed to disagree with you you know.

I don't have children but would say if you are that unsure, don't have them. If I had wanted them I would have had them, but I wasn't sure and didn't. No regrets here.

Lots of people do, I personally don't but I'm not sure one viewpoint is any more valid than another in this case. The faux oh my goodness you must be on a wind up is very odd.

The poster has insinuated that people without children just want to go on extra holidays. If that's not a wind up then it's inflammatory and definitely on purpose.

@JorisBonson
Ok- someone else mentioned holidays first I think. Tell me what is replacing the children? Whatever it is- I find it hard to imagine I'd value it more than children.

Nothing is replacing children because children have never come into the equation (for those that have chosen not to).

You keep going on about how your opinion is valid but cannot see the fact that some people have a life without children. And not an Ab Fab style life, just a normal, fulfilling life.

@JorisBonson
That's great for them.

I'm giving MY personal view that I , ME, would never be fulfilled without them