Do I report my father-in-law for regular drink driving?

[misssapphire1992]

New to this but really need some advice! My father in law regularly drinks and drives. I refuse to get in the car with him (obviously) but his wife and son get in the car with him knowing he has drunk. My husband knows my views on this (my family were nearly killed by a drunk driver) but is not saying anything to his family about this issue and his nonchalance about this is frustrating. I could report him anonymously through Crimestoppers. The issue is, in yet another argument with my husband about this, I said if he doesn't address the issue with his Dad, I will report him myself. My husband said this is a breach of trust and would end our marriage! I don't want to cause issues in my relationship and cut myself off from the in-laws (other than this they are great), but, I feel so strongly about driving over the limit. What would you do?

[Igenix4]

Report him. Fuck what anyone else thinks. How would you feel if he killed a child? Or anyone for that matter and you had a chance to stop it?

[Pixiedust1234]

I would report. You have written that you were nearly killed by a drunk driver so i don't really understand you posting this question. You don't have to tell your dh you reported his father so just do it.

[worriedmamaxx]

@misssapphire1992

New to this but really need some advice! My father in law regularly drinks and drives. I refuse to get in the car with him (obviously) but his wife and son get in the car with him knowing he has drunk. My husband knows my views on this (my family were nearly killed by a drunk driver) but is not saying anything to his family about this issue and his nonchalance about this is frustrating. I could report him anonymously through Crimestoppers. The issue is, in yet another argument with my husband about this, I said if he doesn't address the issue with his Dad, I will report him myself. My husband said this is a breach of trust and would end our marriage! I don't want to cause issues in my relationship and cut myself off from the in-laws (other than this they are great), but, I feel so strongly about driving over the limit. What would you do?

Honestly, there is some absolutely dickheads on this app who think the Sun shines out of their arse but just ignore the ones like that you do whatever feels best for you

[IncompleteSenten]

I would.

When he eventually kills someone you can only hope it's himself and not an innocent person.

[misssapphire1992]

I'm posting the question just to confirm I am doing the right thing. When your surrounded by people (husbands family) who don't seem to have an issue with it, I am made to feel like I am exaggerating and doubt myself.

[Hoppinggreen]

You can report but they have to catch him in the act

[Brightblueskysunshine]

I think your husband needs to stand up more for his mum and also himself along with for you obviously.

Is he scared of standing up to his dad I mean are the dynamics weird between your dh and dad?

This is really dangerous but not worth your marriage if all is otherwise well between you both.
I would keep mentioning the statistics of drunk and driving to your FIL but there is really nothing you can do if mil, dh and FIL refuse to acknowledge it .

[StillWantingADog]

Absolutely report it.
however although it would be anonymous your dh might suspect it was you so think about what you’d say if that happened.

that said, whether you report it or not someone else might do so same scenario.

I hope I’m wrong but I suspect however nothing will happen without concrete proof.

[Bunnyishotandcross]

I reported my now exh for drink driving.. He lost his licence for 2 years. And I filed for divorce. No regrets.

[Hintofreality]

Report it before he kills himself or someone else.

[Rauha]

Report him.

[LightDrizzle]

Oh god! Please do😔

I’m fortunate enough not to have been effected by this directly but I know a woman who is still pretty broken after one of her twin sons was killed by a drunk driver within 10 days of his 18th birthday.

It is a terrible risk to take and we all have a responsibility to intervene and act when we see it, despite the scorn and anger we might incur. You are actually doing your FIL a favour too although he won’t agree.

I was looking at what I could do to inform the DVLA about my lovely mum when her driving was becoming frankly dangerous due to age and failing sight. Her sister and I were in agreement when thankfully she at last capitulated (not officially) and stopped driving. It’s a very difficult situation. My mum would have been beyond furious and seen it as an insult and a betrayal, but her safety and the safety of other people was more important.

[misssapphire1992]

Exactly. The drunk drivers rarely hurt themselves though, just innocent people. It's the fallout with my husband and in-laws that makes me cautious. If I report it and it is investigated, the police could turn up at his house and tell them of an anonymous report of regular drink driving, which my husband would very likely guess was me and chaos ensues. Perhaps next time I know he is over the limit and driving, I call 999 to catch him in the act?

[PuttingDownRoots]

Do you think, deep down... your husband would prefer him to get stopped as someone reported him

Or after he has an accident hurting his family and/or other people?

[NomadicSpirit]

Someone I know was a regular drink driver. Someone just waited to see their car in the pub and tipped off the police and left it to them. They got banned. Obviously didn't take any of the blame themselves and blamed the person who reported them.

[Jijithecat]

Crimestoppers is anonymous. They do not reveal the source of the information to the police.
As others have said the police need to catch him in the act, so if you know that he regularly drinks at a certain pub and leaves there at a certain time please provide this information along with the numberplate of any cars that he drives.

[Garlicbutter23]

You can report him anonymously to the DVLA. From there, they will investigate (ask him to complete some forms & maybe a test or two, speak to GP etc.) before they full on take his licence away.

It can take some weeks but he will not be permitted to drive during the investigation & the authorities (police etc.) don't need to be involved this way.

Hope this helps & good luck with a very tricky situation.

[280NeuerNamen]

Yes, absolutely. I speak as someone who lost a close friend to a drunk driver some years ago. I'll never forget the distraught call of his wife phoning to see if he was at our house as he was late home from work, she knew there was a local accident but police had closed the road and wouldn't let her see if it was him.

Our local police force has a drink driving hotline, yours may have the same.

[ChocSaltyBalls]

I would definitely report him, as for your husband, well he’s as bad as his father tbh.

[ChocSaltyBalls]

@Garlicbutter23

You can report him anonymously to the DVLA. From there, they will investigate (ask him to complete some forms & maybe a test or two, speak to GP etc.) before they full on take his licence away.

It can take some weeks but he will not be permitted to drive during the investigation & the authorities (police etc.) don't need to be involved this way.

Hope this helps & good luck with a very tricky situation.

That’s more for medical issues. Drink driving is a criminal offence and someone needs to be caught in the act at the time, of course the police will be involved

[Emptycrackedcup]

@misssapphire1992

Exactly. The drunk drivers rarely hurt themselves though, just innocent people. It's the fallout with my husband and in-laws that makes me cautious. If I report it and it is investigated, the police could turn up at his house and tell them of an anonymous report of regular drink driving, which my husband would very likely guess was me and chaos ensues. Perhaps next time I know he is over the limit and driving, I call 999 to catch him in the act?

I think this, so it's like he got pulled over by mistake. And don't tell your husband (assuming you will be ok to keep this from him).

[LadyGAgain]

You have more than a FIL problem. Your DH is also a problem.
100% you should report your FIL.
I don't know whether you have children but if one was killed by a drunk driver would your husband feel differently then?

[Garlicbutter23]

@ChocSaltyBalls

That’s more for medical issues. Drink driving is a criminal offence and someone needs to be caught in the act at the time, of course the police will be involved

Alcohol & drug related driving are treated as medial issues by the DVLA, I used to work there for all my sins

[Hoppinggreen]

@Garlicbutter23

You can report him anonymously to the DVLA. From there, they will investigate (ask him to complete some forms & maybe a test or two, speak to GP etc.) before they full on take his licence away.

It can take some weeks but he will not be permitted to drive during the investigation & the authorities (police etc.) don't need to be involved this way.

Hope this helps & good luck with a very tricky situation.

Really?
So on the basis of one phone call the DVLA will do all this?
I can believe it if it was a report of being medically unfit to drive but I very much doubt it for an allegation of drink driving.
I think they would have to be caught and breathalised etc so OP needs to contact The Police when she knows he is doing it

[custardbear]

Yes, do. I was in a car park and a drunk driver reversed into me, backed out and in to the spot next to me again and didn't realise he'd even hit me. We exchanged details and I used that to call the police. My car wasn't damaged but he was clearly off his face and very 'oh it's fine don't worry..' hhmm if you hit a car and didn't realise then what about any unsuspecting child or adult