Family member needs a place to live I have space but really don’t want to offer it

[bluehaze]

My cousin has been out of this country for years and not really been in touch. Now she is ill and broke and wants to come home. She is asking for cash for air fare and some money to pay off debts where she is. I think I am happy to pay for those things in the knowledge it’s not a loan.
However the difficult bit is that she will be then broke and homeless and ill so not likely to be working. I have a spare room but I am really reluctant to offer it.
This is because this cousin lived with me 15 years ago and was not easy to live with - didn’t help out, kept really late hours, was a bit of a bad influence on my kids.
Now I don’t know the nature of the illness, or anything else much but there have definitely been drugs in use throughout and I don’t want that around me.
I’d much rather help her find a place to stay but have looked at rent options and no one wants to rent to someone with no job or address in the Uk.
Has anyone had similar and found a good solution?

If she's making her own decision to come here then she needs to make her own arrangements. I wouldn't even engage in the conversation with her unless she is v v ill.

There’s no way I’d step in! Just say no. You can offer emotional support but this is not your mess to sort out!

Why would you even pay her air fare and debts? Just say no.

Are there no other family members who can step in? Just because you have a spare room doesn’t mean it should be you. She could stay on somebody else’s sofa, which would then be more clearly a short term offer.

No. You're already being generous, but you need to say no.

Why is it your job to look after them? You're acting like they were your dependent child.

Not your problem.

You cannot accept this - you will be sucked in and end up being the full time 'go to' figure on your cousin's situation and life. If you pay the air fare and debts, you are already accepting that role.

What about your cousin's parents? siblings? other family?

If you offer her a room she won't count as homeless and the council won't help her. She should go straight to the council when she arrives if she needs help woykd housing and is ill.

I agree
Once you bail her out she will keep wanting more. What will you do if she turns up at your house?
She sounds like a car crash you don’t want to be involved in

Maybe offer to help on the condition she gets a job and pays her way. If you pay her air fare she will expect you to pay for everything.

Don’t assume it’s a loan!

Nope. Paying off her debts and giving money for her airfare is incredibly generous. What happens after that is down to her. She's a grown adult.

She must know other people here?

You have done your bit and been kind and generous and have obviously helped in the past.

You are not obliged and it sounds like it could be very disruptive
To your family.

Frame your help. As i cannot help you with somewhere to stay but i am
Happy to help pay your debts and get you a flight. Full stop. Then would you like to come
For lunch and a catch up next saturday. So be friendly and helpful but set a firm boundary. It sounds heartless but you may regret it if you dont!

She has managed to live independently in a different country so she can sort this out unless she is gravely ill.

If you give her somewhere to stay i suspect she wont leave again. Plus if she needs council housing she may be better off pitching up at council offices genuinely homeless. You putting her up might mean she would be classed as making herself intentionally homeless if she left and therefore ineligible.

Drug or addiction charities or support workers may meet her as she lands to see what support she needs and maybe you could help arrange
This.

She may find its better to stay where she is. If she's been out-of the country for years she may fail the habitual test for benefits purposes. Meaning no help with housing and no benefits.

If you're happy to lose the money, fine but as for accommodation, no, no and no.

No no no ! You will be expected to pay roll her for good if you allow this . From the off she needs to get help from the authorities for housing and benefits otherwise she will just expect you to fund her and put her up and once she’s in your home you might not get rid of her .

Other family members are not interested. And can’t or won’t help in any way.
If I don’t help with the air fare she won’t even get to this country and I’m not prepared to say no to that. I dont expect to be paid Back.
It’s the living situation that I dont want to be dragged in to,
If she does arrive with nowhere to go how can she ask for government help? Is there a gov department to apply to?

Cross posted with your replies sorry. I agree I don’t want to be in the situation at all. I’ll make enquiries with the local council housing association. But have heard there are long waiting lists.

Are you certain she will use the money you give her for flights and to pay her debts or might she use it to buy more drugs? I would think twice about giving her the money and I certainly would not be offering her a place to stay.

Are you her only relative?

You haven’t heard from this person in years until she wants cash. I don’t know why you’d even reply. It’s so rude.

Is she returning in the near future? Does she have somewhere to quarantine on arrival?

Does she not have closer family that can help? It certainly doesn't sound like it should be up to you.

She can go to the local housing department and declare herself homeless.

I'm not sure how that works when people move back to the UK voluntarily after time abroad.

Also, to echo a PP she may not be entitled to anything benefit wise if she has been living abroad for a while.

This looks useful re her right to benefits having no paid national insurance etc

www.turn2us.org.uk/Benefit-guides/Right-to-Reside/Returning-British-Citizen