Found out something about my friend

[frankiesamson]

A good friend of mine I've known for over a decade, whom I see almost every day, who supported me through some of my life's toughest times & I don't think I could have survived without her... and vice versa, opened up to me tonight about something apparently no one other than her has ever known about.

I promised her I wouldn't judge and that she could tell me anything.

Then she told me: during her divorce many years ago (her husband left her for someone else), her husband was out on a date with someone else & she felt so desperate she wanted him to come home to her. In order to get his attention, she told him their pet guinie pig had died (a lie). He agreed to come home.

So that he wouldn't discover the deception, she killed the pet. She was so ashamed she never told anyone.

How would / should one react?

Christ I'm so glad you're not my friend. What an utter betrayal!!!!!

I'm hoping you changed a lot of detail and she doesn't find out you pasted her deepest darkest secret all over the internet.

That's a good point BigusBumus

This is just so very odd! Like the script of a poorly conceived comic noir type film. Totally bizarre.

Given that a) she’s a good friend, b) it was over a decade ago, c) she’s obviously remorseful and sorry about it and d) she’s confessed to killing a guinea pig and not a child, I’d be inclined to say something platitudinous to her and minimise it. But it’s still very strange! Why would the guinea pig send the husband rushing back? And how, if it’s a loved pet, could she actually bring herself to kill it? Odd in the extreme.

If it was a choice between killing all my pets personally, or my daughter being raped, I know what I'd choose

What a ridiculous comment. In what works is that an actual situation?

Well, imagine being in the Arctic and running out of food. And all you can do is eat one (or several) of your beloved dogs for food. Which has actually happened.

For me? Dog's a goner.

I assume this was her child's guinea pig though, which makes it even worse.

I work in cancer research (note not for CRUK) and have to dispatch small animals on a daily basis. Its obviously more shocking because it’s a pet but it’s not that much further down the line than what I do. I’ve had a lot of people I’ve met tell me that they could never do what I do but I’ve never been called a murderer (except by crazy protesters) and it’s certainly never been suggested to me that this is a gateway animal and I could potentially be murdering my kids next .

She is seriously fucked up. People saying that she was in the deep depths of despair and traumatised so it's understandable. A man had left her. Big deal it happens all the time.

The fact that her ex came running to her when she said that the pet had died also suggests that she had an closer than average attachment to the animal anyway. Which makes killing it even the more fucked up.

As someone who effectively kills animals for my own ends by eating meat, I couldn't feel too bad for the guinea pig.

I would look at her differently though because it is such extreme behaviour. No matter what state of mind I was in, I would never do that.

I found this pretty shocking and agree with PP that she could have just feigned a miraculous recovery of the guinea pig rather than actually killing it.

Thinking of pets I've had, it really is inconceivable that I would have been able to kill any of them in any circumstances (except getting them put to sleep by a vet if in pain, for instance).

But I'm really interested to know if she had children / whose guinea pig it was.

IMO killing a guinea pig that was a family pet (e.g. one that the kids love) would be EVEN WORSE. Because that's damaging her children too.

But if no kids, then was it the husband's guinea pig?

If not, I'm not sure why that triggered him coming home?

This may be callous, but I think if OH had left me and was dating other women I'd get pretty short shrift if I called him sobbing because a guinea pig had died.

But if I told him I told him the kids were upset because a guinea pig had died, that might prompt an immediate return.

@Natalia, I agree that this is very odd, but don’t think anyone (including the friend herself) would try to claim that killing the gp was a rational act. It’s possible that OP’s friend was going through some sort of breakdown when she did this. OP hasn’t come back, so we don’t know how likely this is, or whether the friend has displayed a cruel/sadistic streak at other times.

Its obviously more shocking because it’s a pet but it’s not that much further down the line than what I do

You are of the opinion that humanely euthanising animals to aid in cancer research is of the same ilk as killing the family pet for attention? Seriously? That's your opinion?

Of course animals are killed, they are bred for meat, used for medical purposes, and the euthanasia should be humane, but if you cannot see the difference or any shade of grey between that and personally killing your family pet for attention then I can only pity you.

Where has the OP gone?

I just don't believe this.

If this is true then she's a heartless piece of shit and I wouldn't want anything to do with her ... a crappy cousin of mine once tried to give her dog away on gumtree and I couldn't speak to her again. All those saying 'it's just a guinea pig' are as disgusting as she is imo - heartless and unfeeling

I’m going against the grain here but I would say this wouldn’t alter my opinion of my friend in any way except to feel very sad for her that she was so desperate as to do this. She must have been in a really bad place, she clearly feels really guilty about it and she needs support not judgement. Sounds like it was a complete one-off. Doing one bad thing doesn’t generally make you into a bad person. Stand by your friend OP and try to help her. And get this thread deleted it’s way too identifiable.

You know, the law recognises the difference between plotting or committing a crime for gain or out of malice and crimes committed 'while the balance of the mind is disturbed'. I can imagine that this woman was in such intense distress that she'd lost her grip on reality.

I also have some sympathy for OP choosing to post this. To a greater or lesser extent, MN can feel like an anonymous safe place to ask other people's view on something that has upset or scared you.

Not read full post.
But that is mental.
Ffs the world's mad!

I think you've learned your lesson: never tell someone they can tell you anything and you won't judge.

I'm kind of envious of all the people who've had such a straightforward experience of life that they can see things in black and white and say 'I would never...'.

Wonder if there'd be as much empathy for a fella who did the same?

Sorry, that's a lie, of course I don't need to wonder.

... hummmm .. tell everyone on mumsnet - so they can be horrified and judge her instead ..
Wouldn't be how a friend would act surely ?
If I was your friend I'd be mortified at you doing this !

If I was your friend I'd be mortified at you doing this

Why? Nobody knows who the friend is except the op.

If the papers pick up on this....the people involved are likely to wonder if it is their story. It's quite specific!

Poor little GP.

Hairy little thing aren’t they....🤔

I would still be friends with her. Absolutely.She is shocked herself. She is processing what her relationship did to her. She has a kind of ptsd from it. She is ashamed. Be kind. Be tolerant.

^ This.

She isn't bragging about it, it's something she sees as her most shameful moment. I wouldn't judge, but I would advise she seek counselling to process it.

I'm surprised at how many posters are saying they'd never be friends with someone who 'killed an innocent animal'.

All animals are innocent, and humans kill thousands if not millions of animals every day. There is no real moral difference between this and abbatoirs, grouse shooting, deer hunting, fox hunting, splatting a spider in your house, and plenty of other activities that are seen as socially acceptable. They are all innocent animals.

I'm a veggie, but I'm not going to pretend that I'm so perfect I can judge someone for what they did at their lowest moment, when they obviously feel deep guilt and shame.

She’s disgusting. Poor animal. Never let her babysit your kids or pets.