Found out something about my friend

[frankiesamson]

A good friend of mine I've known for over a decade, whom I see almost every day, who supported me through some of my life's toughest times & I don't think I could have survived without her... and vice versa, opened up to me tonight about something apparently no one other than her has ever known about.

I promised her I wouldn't judge and that she could tell me anything.

Then she told me: during her divorce many years ago (her husband left her for someone else), her husband was out on a date with someone else & she felt so desperate she wanted him to come home to her. In order to get his attention, she told him their pet guinie pig had died (a lie). He agreed to come home.

So that he wouldn't discover the deception, she killed the pet. She was so ashamed she never told anyone.

How would / should one react?

I think you’re a bit of a shitty friend to be posting something you’re friend has shared with you in strictest confidence on a social media platform particularly when the likes of the Daily Mail love publishing Mumsnet stories

Oh ffs , it’s not social media it’s totally anonymous.

I couldn’t get past this Op. Its out with the realms of normal (even extreme, distressed) human behaviour. It was a cruel, psychotic act and I couldn’t be friends with someone capable of this, in any circumstances. I would suggest to her that she needs to speak to a counsellor , then let the friendship cool.

Wow that's proper fucked up. I couldn't be friends with someone who killed an animal.

It is not really anonymous because it is quite specific.

Your friend has told you something dark, possibly from a time when she was in a terrible place emotionally. She told you this in confidence and you promised not to judge. You know your friend and are in a position to decide whether you think this crosses the line in terms of things you’re still prepared to be supportive and non-judgemental about. Of course it’s shocking, but you gave her the opportunity to confess to you, as a close friend, in confidence, and sometimes people have things in their past that they are deeply ashamed of, and don’t talk about until they feel they can really trust someone.
I really think this is your call, based on what type of person you think she is generally. If she seemed to be bragging or strangely unemotional about killing the animal, I think that would be unsettling. Otherwise, I think that maybe you could continue to support your friend, as she has you through, as you say, your ‘toughest times’.

I could never get past this, it is just horrible. What will she do next time she wants attention?

I wouldn't end your friendship over this. But then, I grew up on a farm and I'm not distressed by animals being killed.

I do think she should discuss this sort of thing with a therapist. Perhaps you can gently point her in that direction, if you think she needs it.

If she'll do this what else would she be prepared to do would be my first thought. I wouldn't be able to trust her.

It's shocking but indicative of poor mental health. I certainly wouldn't judge and would feel touched she felt able to share.

I agree she needs help. That is really not a normal thing to do.

I wouldn't really judge. Maybe because I remember being so fucked up in a split, the pain and despair(it wasn't even that good a relationship ffs). Didn't kill any pets but did many other stupid things.

I don’t see life in such clear black and white terms in that ‘good’ people don’t commit crimes and ‘bad’ people do. People can react in extreme/ out of character ways dependent on circumstances.

^^ this.

But this is mumsnet, where all people who ever do a bad thing are evil, and former inmates should be immediately abandoned regardless of what they did or when.

I’d probably go back to her and say she’s clearly still upset about it, and had she thought of seeking some counselling in order to come to terms with what she did?

Jesus, how did she even bring herself to do that. I look after a friends guinea pigs when she's on holiday, and that is something else, it wouldn't be like killing a spider.

I would also struggle to over come this. How she cold heartedly killed the guinea pig I simply don't know.

I've reported this (first time ever) as I think OP's friend made a disclosure about a sensitive issue she herself has clearly been struggling with, asking OP not to judge, and OP letting random internet users judge instead. Unless a lot of the information in this post has been changed, although there is nothing to indicate this, I think OP has overstepped a mark, and overlooked other ways of processing information which she clearly found disturbing.

Whatever you think about your friend posting such a specifically identifying story on a public forum is a pretty nasty thing to do. You were trusted with someone's darkest secret and you've told the world,, unless you've changed every detail of the story you should be ashamed and asking for this to be deleted imo

OP don’t feel obliged to forgive your friends murderous act because she helped you. Many people like to kill innocent animals for sport, it may be legal but I don’t condone it.

I would also worry for any kids in her care. If you can do that kind of thing to a beloved pet it’s one step closer to being able to your child. And let us all remember there are mothers out there who do kill their children for one reason or another.

And for those saying it's like fox hunting or eating meat, cold heartedly killing the family pet because you want attention is nothing like that,

I really hope this isn't real, although It's disturbing what that says about the op if it's not, but this is shocking.

And for those saying it's like fox hunting or eating meat, cold heartedly killing the family pet because you want attention is nothing like that

If this is true, she probably smothered it with a pillow, which is quick and bloodless. She must have been desperate and unstable, but I don't find it as horrific as others seem to do.

your friends murderous act

It's an animal. Killing an animal, whatever it may be, is not murder.

How did she kill it? I get that she was in despair and now feels shame but how did she kill the guinea pig so that it fit in with the lie?

Yes, this really is an ethical dilemma. A real head scratcher.

. If you can do that kind of thing to a beloved pet it’s one step closer to being able to your child.

Oh do fuck off.

I'd judge her on the many years you've known her and all the things she's done in that time. Going through the devastation of her dh having an ow and being out with her is enough to unhinge the best of us. Out was a guinea pig not a child. We're a bit overly sentimental about animals in this country and I say that as an owner of 2 cats and a dog.

It is a guineapig ffs. How about all the animals that are tortured for the sake of make up and other beauty products?

It would have had a happy life, and a quick death. The poor woman was clearly in emotional turmoil and regretted her poor decision. It was not a dog or cat but a furry fat rat.

I bet all you guys holding your hand up in shock don't only eat free range animals. Or maybe the lot of you are vegan. Get some perspective or stop being a bunch of hypocrites.

I’ve been there, desperate to get attention from someone who had left me but to kill a pet? An innocent animal, just no. I couldn’t be friends anymore.