Found out something about my friend

[frankiesamson]

A good friend of mine I've known for over a decade, whom I see almost every day, who supported me through some of my life's toughest times & I don't think I could have survived without her... and vice versa, opened up to me tonight about something apparently no one other than her has ever known about.

I promised her I wouldn't judge and that she could tell me anything.

Then she told me: during her divorce many years ago (her husband left her for someone else), her husband was out on a date with someone else & she felt so desperate she wanted him to come home to her. In order to get his attention, she told him their pet guinie pig had died (a lie). He agreed to come home.

So that he wouldn't discover the deception, she killed the pet. She was so ashamed she never told anyone.

How would / should one react?

Oh my bloody word
I’m pretty Unshockable
But this has shocked me to the core

It speaks volumes about YOU that you are even asking the question.

@TanteRose

That is really shocking but I guess she must have been very emotionally unstable...**

^Oh yes the emotionally unstable card. No, I don’t buy it.

I wouldn't feel able to judge someone who was probably in a desperate state.

I would be shocked if I were you OP, but personally, although I don't condone it I wouldn't judge. Although I am a pet owner. After all, I'm not vegetarian and I would kill a cockroach or mouse (which is a very close relative of the Guinea pig) if it was in my house.

We’ve all been dumped , we’ve all been desperate. 99.9% of us would never convert this into murdering a pet for attention. I can’t believe his would even occur to someone. Seriously not right.

Fucking hell.

I bet all you guys holding your hand up in shock don't only eat free range animals

You can't seriously think this is the same as killing your family pet. How fucked up is that.

That would end the friendship for me. I couldn’t spebd time with someone who treated their family pet like that. Animal cruelty is well and truly one of my red lines.

I find it really heartless and weird. I wouldn’t be able to look at her again. Much better if she had said “oh look, I was wrong, he/she’s alive!” I know sounds absurd but as someone else said killing a family pet deliberately is something and I think a lot of people just wouldn’t have it in them to do that.

It's easy for us readers, to say what we would do with that information. The reality, your dilemma, is a really tough one, as you say how invaluable she has been, as a support, in your life.

I really don't know what I'd do. I know what I think I'd like to do. Good luck, op, I don't envy you one bit with this.

I bet all you guys holding your hand up in shock don't only eat free range animals

I’m vegan actually but thanks for checking. Not that it should make a difference - she killed a PET to manipulate a man.

I think it's pretty key to this that the OP had invited confidence of a secret (which was clearly going to be something quite difficult to confess/hear) and promised NOT to judge. I think the OP needs to decide where the line is beyond which they cannot keep a promise to be non-judgemental (clearly, for many posters, the killing of an animal, however long ago, would fall into this category), and take that into account when deciding whether to offer a listening ear in future.

This would be a deal-breaker for me.

Being desperate for attention, broken hearted etc - yep, I get all that.

But deciding to strangle/smother the pet guinea pig to back up a lie you've told? That's really cold blooded.

thats disgusting end of friendship no two ways about it

We are not talking about a serial pet torturer here.

She was in a deep dark pit of despair and was watching the love of her life, father to her kids, lifelong partner, romance other women.

In desperation and despair we've all done silly, wrong, morally reprehensible things. Made bad decisions.

I don't think you can judge her on one (horrible) act at a torrid time of her life. When you've decades of first hand experience of her normal nature - which by your own words is kind, supportive and loving.

I couldn't be friends with this woman after knowing this.

You said she supported you through the worst of times and you couldn't have survived without her. Why the fuck are you posting this on mumsnet so people can call her a "sick animal killer" ???

She is your closest friend. You speak to her everyday. You know her, we don't. Does she still need help now or is she confessing something appalling to you from years ago because she now has clarity about what was obviously the absolute darkest of times for her?

Wow I wouldn’t like to cross her OP. Bunny boiler.

I think it's pretty key to this that the OP had invited confidence of a secret (which was clearly going to be something quite difficult to confess/hear) and promised NOT to judge

Yes, but she clearly didn't expect to hear the woman murdered the family pet for attention. How the fuck do you not judge that. Anyone who says I won't judge is clearly not expecting to hear something as sick as this. It's abnormal in the extreme.

Yes it’s bad but if any of us are meat eaters surely it’s hypocritical to get all pearl clutchy about this?

In desperation and despair we've all done silly, wrong, morally reprehensible things. Made bad decisions.

I don’t think that’s actually true.

So your best friend tells you something in confidence after you've promised not to judge her. You promptly judge her and post about it on a public forum. You're really not a good friend.
She was very wrong to do what she did but it seems she wasn't in a good place mental health wise. The incident is obviously playing on her mind, some confidential counselling might help.

In order to get his attention, she told him their pet guinie pig had died (a lie). He agreed to come home.

See, I thought OP was going to stop at this point and I was all fired up to say, "meh, not that terrible in the grand scheme of things."

Obviously she didn't stop there.

Does she seem otherwise sane mentally stable now, OP?

Has she ever done anything you thought was a bit/seriously off piste?

So your best friend tells you something in confidence after you've promised not to judge her

OP was perhaps naive to say she wouldn't judge her. It's impossible to not judge someone in some circumstances. And why wouldn't you judge someone - at least silently - who admits to doing something sickening?

What if the friend had admitted to killing a person? Would you still be saying "ooooh, your best friend told you something in confidence and your promised not to judge her?"

Yes it’s bad but if any of us are meat eaters surely it’s hypocritical to get all pearl clutchy about this?

If you can't see the difference I really hope to fuck you don't keep pets.