Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Husband cheated with sex worker

100 replies

Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 10:07

’ve seen a few thread on this already so I guess I’m just another victim of the lovely adultworks website. Went away on business for a week (and flew my husband out for a surprise) but he came a few days after me and upon return I discovered he had ordered a prostitute of that website. I have two small toddlers and we were very happy. I’m beyond distraught and can’t eat. I have a full on job and am the breadwinner so must work. I have supported my husband for 8 years and provided him with a job doing what he loves. My money is now heavily tied up in a project he is halfway through and if he doesn’t complete it I lose my life savings. So I can’t sinply cut him loose as much as I want to. What would you do? I want a divorce because someone who does this when they’re really happy is not normal. Imagine when we’re not perfectly happy. I am so confused. I feel violently ill and can’t look at him. I wish I could leave the country and I would if I wasn’t stuck with this project. I can’t tell anyone and have no support. All my family is overseas and this is too humiliating to share. I am alone and I am suffocating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 17:46

He is not a SAHD at all. He’s building this house we bought which he begged me to do. I wasn’t sure because we had to remortgage everything and risk our life savings. It was a house that we have only just bulldozed so if I sell it today it’s work nothing. In addition he’s half way through a basement and because of the insurance restrictions etc no developer would take it on. I can’t hire another company to complete it because I simply don’t have the funds. In fact, I don’t have the funds to fill complete even if he does it. I pay all the mortgages I pay the kids child care, all food, his phones his car, his petrol and all his food and expenses. He works on the projects and I plunge all my salary that’s left into keeping it going. in between one project he didn’t work for six months- for two of those months maybe less actually he did mind the kids before they started at nursery full time. He complained and to this day tells me about the two month sacrifice to his life he made doing it. I thought the boys needed some time at home as I’d just returned to work from mat leave and my baby was only five month old and my husband was not working so why the hell pay for child care if he is free? But he welds that over me often. So anyway that’s why I supported him - he does add value to the property ehichbin turn will yield an income. I’m just yet to see it since it’s all wrapped up in the project at high risk. So when it’s complete I’ll sell and likely need to split the house proceeds with him and walk away. He will not even be able to get a mortgage since he has no job and doesn’t have any kind of credit. He wanted to build houses and no one was dumb enough to give him money to do his grand designs except old muggins here. I put all my career into giving him one and making him happy and fulfilled in his job. Being his own boss etc while I had to tap dance at work to make the finances work. I don’t think he really appreciates the risks and hard work I’ve put into his overall personal happiness. I will never be enough so what’s the point. He is a good dad but even part of me thinks he can’t be a truly good dad if he’d hurt his family like this

OP posts:
Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 17:48

Caked up - why did you leave if you didn’t have irrefutable proof??

OP posts:
twinkle999 · 26/04/2018 18:11

Are you sure it’s worth nothing? It’s a development plot with planning permission presumably so must be worth something.

It’s easy for me to say OP, but I might rather walk away with nothing than fund his vanity project now. I would certainly not be keeping in him in pocket money.

Is the development plot in joint names? Or just your name.

He sounds like a total arse, even if he hasn’t shagged a prostitute.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2018 18:15

In which case I would continue living with him, severely restrict his personal spending money and wouldn't have sex with him, until the house is built. When does he think that'll happen?

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 18:21

It will take over a year. Nightmare

God that adultwork site you don’t need any password linked to an email so my idea of resetting the password and it being linked to his email does not work - these sites should honestly be banned it destroys fucking families

OP posts:
NumberFrame · 26/04/2018 18:23

op your Dh decided to ruin your marriage the website facilitated it.
You deserve better than this

katyonamission · 26/04/2018 18:34

Why did someone report this post? 😂😂😂😂😂

SomeKnobend · 26/04/2018 18:39

Get someone else to take over from him, suck up the cost and get rid of him ASAP. He's not making any money, you're paying him anyway, and he's siphoning off extra. Plus he will owe you maintenance for the children unless he takes them for 50% of the time - in which case he will be paying for that 50% of the childcare.

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 18:57

All property is in my name - since he has bad credit from before we met I’d actually have less chance of mortgaging if I involved him. I actually paid off all his loans- thousands on parking tickets and student loans. Women can actually be extremely thick. As I write this I realise what an idiot I am

OP posts:
twinkle999 · 26/04/2018 19:19

Thousands on parking tickets???

cakedup · 26/04/2018 21:16

why did you leave if you didn’t have irrefutable proof?? I didn't straight away. But there were other similar suspicious situations which he always denied. Thinking about it, the lying is just as bad. If you're going to do something like that, at least own up to it and let your partner make an informed decision. I actually set him up in the end...pretended to be someone else on MSN chat and he fell for it.

Even with the house project considered, surely you'd be better off without having to pay for the upkeep of this man-child? Really op, you need to cut him lose. He is draining of you emotional and financial resources.

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 23:41

Yes parking tickets. He’d just park anywhere and get a ticket and ignore it like it was not real then they’re quadruple till they racked up to the thousands. He lived in a fantasy land and has no clue on finances.

I went to the website and added his email address and cocked send me user info and the prompt came up “this user has recently deactivated”. Lol I confronted him (as you must verify your own email to have it registered) and he denies it’s him and yet only he can have the hotmail address. So he has deregistered. Denying that too. So annoyed I wasn’t more patient about snapping him out. I know what he has done and now have a mountain ahead of me to move

OP posts:
NellMangel · 26/04/2018 23:51

Yuck. Sounds like my ex. He was just curious and cancelled. Then I told him that I'd seen his phone records, every time I was away there was a series of calls to brothels. Our son was 18 months.

We've split and the first year was hard, but I now feel like I dodged a bullet. I thought we had a good relationship but it was all a lie.

Men like that cheat because they can. Not a reflection on you, and nothing you can do to prevent it. I hope you get rid of this loser.

Good luck x

Alpineflowers · 27/04/2018 00:23

Years ago, before widespread online prostitution, I had a friend who found a kind of ticket in her husbands trouser pocket. She asked us, her group of female friends, what it was. One lass said 'its a docket from a brothel' and it was then obvious, but only to some of us, what it was. It was some kind of system where the punter paid at the door and then presented the ticket to a prostitute for proof of payment, or something like that.
I remember thinking at the time how organised it is and wondering just how many men are doing this.
Nothing changes. Only now it's done online.

twinkle999 · 27/04/2018 07:28

Well he doesn’t need to have clue about finances does he, as you sort it.

Seriously who does that. Just parks where he wants and then doesn’t even pay the tickets - he gets you to pay them.

He has zero respect for women and zero respect for you OP.

Really if you stick with him now you are mad. I would not be financing his hobbies any more OP. Don’t use the sunken costs fallacy as a reason to stay. You are worth more than this and can bounce back from this.

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 27/04/2018 10:03

I know I’m just going to have to but I see a huge mountain ahead of me I feel suicidal

OP posts:
twinkle999 · 27/04/2018 10:54

I think if you feel that way you need some real life support. Can you tell a trusted friend?

katyonamission · 27/04/2018 10:56

What is this website?! I think I must live under a rock.

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 27/04/2018 11:05

It’s called adultworks and thousands of men are on it and hundreds join every day. Most of them are happily married. You would never in a million years suspect my husband and there he is. I urge you all to one day randomly check your husbands browser history or phones. I know it isn’t nice but if they’re not on the site there is nothing to worry about right? Thousands of married men in London. Why not yours? It should be banned.

OP posts:
flubdub · 27/04/2018 11:09

Hugs OP.
I don't really have any advice as I'm not sure what I would do in your situation, but you sound like you are a very strong woman with your head screwed on. I'm sure you will make the right decision Thanks

Beaverhausen · 27/04/2018 11:09

OP if he just deactivated the profile he has 30 days to reactivate. So I suggest you get him to reactivate and see if he has feedback whether he made any bookings, emails etc.

As for the project is there anybody who can take it over from him? Can you get a new builder to take over?

I would cut all his funds and ensure he provides invoices for anything he might need with regards to the house if he needs to continue.

Kick him out and let his family know why. Here are ways around this, you must be a strong woman going by your comms, you will feel down but don't let it get to you. Get even!

But firstly cut any access he might have to any of your funds. With regards to help wig kiddies and your mom get a live in aupair who can help you wig regards to the day to day running of he house. There are some brilliant agencies out there.

Frosty66612 · 27/04/2018 11:10

The adultwork members also use UKPunting which is a forum for them all to discuss how much they cheat on their wives. It’s sickening stuff to read and there are thousands of members

SunnyTikka · 27/04/2018 11:31

OP, just forget about the website, it doesnt matter about it now, whats done is done and you cant change it. What you can and should do though, is get to a solicitor. He needs to stop sponging off of you.
By the way if you are the account holder for the phone you dont need any court order. All you need is to open an online account with EE and link his phone to it if you pay the bill. All the old bills will then be on there.

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 27/04/2018 12:02

If I read UK punting I’d probably die right now. That’s disgusting gloating about it. I’m trying to get him to reacticate the site but he’s flat out denying he’s ever been on there even though his hotmail address is registered as a user well it was on Monday but I couldn’t get the password and then on Wednesday it says this user has deactivated their account so he’s lying but as long as he is he doesn’t need to show me the extent of his acts

OP posts:
Beaverhausen · 27/04/2018 12:23

Get his hotmail password and reset the as password