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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Husband cheated with sex worker

100 replies

Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 10:07

’ve seen a few thread on this already so I guess I’m just another victim of the lovely adultworks website. Went away on business for a week (and flew my husband out for a surprise) but he came a few days after me and upon return I discovered he had ordered a prostitute of that website. I have two small toddlers and we were very happy. I’m beyond distraught and can’t eat. I have a full on job and am the breadwinner so must work. I have supported my husband for 8 years and provided him with a job doing what he loves. My money is now heavily tied up in a project he is halfway through and if he doesn’t complete it I lose my life savings. So I can’t sinply cut him loose as much as I want to. What would you do? I want a divorce because someone who does this when they’re really happy is not normal. Imagine when we’re not perfectly happy. I am so confused. I feel violently ill and can’t look at him. I wish I could leave the country and I would if I wasn’t stuck with this project. I can’t tell anyone and have no support. All my family is overseas and this is too humiliating to share. I am alone and I am suffocating.

OP posts:
DarkNightDelight · 26/04/2018 11:09

My ex did this, he enjoyed sex with new people Envyhe did it several times and always tried to minimise it.

I left and he's still doing it now. That site has hundreds of men joining each day, it's very popular and it's like you said as easy as ordering a takeout.

Do what's right for you, he knew the risk of you finding out.

Smileallday · 26/04/2018 11:20

I really feel for you, trying to get through something like this is not easy. Do you think this is the first time and a one off to try or could he have done it before. Maybe if a one off you could try and get over it as him wanting to experiment, it’s a shame when there are children involved. Stay strong op x

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 11:32

I’d like to think it was his first time but I don’t believe that your first time you’d be so planned and prepared as to get cash the day before, then come home sober at noon and in a calculating way, peruse a website you clearly know all about. Maybe if you were drunk and been alone for a while and made a foolish error of judgement but stone cold sober in cold light of day? That’s too brazen for a first time. He should have been on site working not at home full stop. So he returned for this reason. A little treat before heading to the states and why not? I’m sure he went to their apartments on other occasions. I’m trying to get EE to send me the phone records for these days plus other times I was away but ffs it is a drama and they’re taking forever - I am the account holder of his phone so have access but they are so crap it’s taken days and many calls to arrange and still not got them.

OP posts:
MissWilmottsGhost · 26/04/2018 11:40

I think all men cheat it’s just whether and when they get caught

I don't think this is true at all.

Don't think there is no point leaving your DH because all men are the same. They are not.

Flowers
Smileallday · 26/04/2018 12:53

It sounds like your gut feel is telling you it’s not the first time. When you put all the reasons as you do it does seem it was planned and he knew what he was doing. I really hope for your sake the phone records tell you something else.

notapizzaeater · 26/04/2018 12:57

Regardless whether it's the first time or not, it wasn't just a ONS he'd met in a pub, he'd planned this and still went ahead and did it. He will be minimising this - he's following the script

LovelySouffle · 26/04/2018 13:08

Reporting.

TheSecretMole · 26/04/2018 13:15

Why do you even feel the need to put “Reporting”? If you want to report something, just do it. Don’t be a twat for no reason.

pumpkintree · 26/04/2018 13:19

have you noticed any money going missing?

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 13:24

Why reporting?

OP posts:
Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 13:25

I have to send him large amounts of cash all the time because he pays builders and so forth a lot of materials in cash and so forth so I send it without question and often receipts aren’t provided. So £100 siphoned off here and there is never know

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 26/04/2018 13:29

Apart from using prostitutes he's a cocklodger. You've been supporting him for 8 years and have dumb your life savings into some vanity project of his?

Get a solicitor and a good one.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2018 13:50

I agree. Get a solicitor onto this. He's a cocklodger and he's a bloody liar, too.

Was this woman going to come to his home? That would be unforgivable for me.

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 14:02

Yes In our bed while our little boys were around the corner at nursery.
He denies he actually went through with it and says he same to his senses and cancelled. I can’t get the EE records apparently without a court order so I’m gutted so now have to either believe him or trust my gut.

OP posts:
twinkle999 · 26/04/2018 14:45

Ask him to show you his phone records. If he won’t show you you have your answer.

TeeBee · 26/04/2018 14:53

Well, I think he's demonstrated how much he can be trusted. Why are some people such low life shits? I'm so sorry OP. I would definitely be working out how to get rid of him. You deserve so much more than him.

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 15:40

Yeh tonight I will do what a poster above suggested. Email the site that I forgot my password and then test it and check his account - that won’t be definitive though as you don’t need to join the site to order them their numbers are all presented

OP posts:
Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 15:42

He deleted all his call records and texts already and EE hasn’t stored them and can’t give them to me without a court order. So I am screwed my only choice is believe him which is a fools game - or try to get him to show me the person he phoned and cancelled but the issue with that is he can purposely select the wrong girl who with say she didn’t come over because she didn’t!

OP posts:
DairyisClosed · 26/04/2018 15:51

I would stick it out for a year. Stop supporting him altogether. Get an au paid so he can't claim to be a SAHD when you divorce. Get the money back. And then leave.

Original poster
Crystaldaisy66 · 26/04/2018 16:22

The only way he can move out is if I pay for his rent somewhere. His job is building our house so makes no money other than what I give him. He has not worked for a normal employer in ten years and in between doing things I support him. So once this project is done I don’t know how he’ll get a job having no real CV I will need to wait till this stupid house is done and sell it immediately and split it with him and get out. The kids unfortunately mean I’ll never completely rid of him. My heart breaks for them.

OP posts:
twinkle999 · 26/04/2018 16:36

Wtf has he been doing for ten years?

Is he a stay at home dad?

twinkle999 · 26/04/2018 16:37

How much will you lose if you pull the plug on him being a “property developer”.

Or could you complete the project yourself?

As really why the fuck should you find this shagger playing at having a proper job.

Claire90ftm · 26/04/2018 16:38

You're upset so you're going to feel that way. But you're wrong, not all men are nasty scumbags. Also if you forgive him (which is a big no) you'll be communicating that it's OK for him to cheat because you'll let it go, you have too much invested right? So why wouldn't he do it again? The same would be true. Do you think he was thinking about how much he loved you/respected you/how sorry he was when he was sleeping with her? No, you didn't cross his mind. You need to get angry and stay angry about this because he doesn't care. He got his way and if you let it go, he will have had his cake and eaten it too. The fact that he even ORDERED a hooker would be enough for me. They're only hired for one purpose so that would be the end of it. We get treated how we allow ourselves to be treated. Respect yourself enough to expect better because you deserve it. You deserve someone who loves you and your children. Someone who wouldn't even dream of hiring a hooker, let alone going through with it. A real man wouldn't do that. I wish you all the luck, OP, and I hope you make the right decision.

twinkle999 · 26/04/2018 16:38

So basically he has spent £200 of your cash shagging a prostitute?

I would not be giving him any more money OP. You are a dripping roast for this dickhead.

cakedup · 26/04/2018 16:50

Not sure if this is helpful but just wanted to say I've been in a very similar situation with now ex (10 years ago). Same website. Same lie. He said he didn't go through with it, just made the appt (I saw the confirmation on his phone). I was expected to believe he had visited a friend that night instead and the reason I couldn't get hold of him was because his phone was out of battery (which never happens).