Husband cheated with sex worker

[Crystaldaisy66]

’ve seen a few thread on this already so I guess I’m just another victim of the lovely adultworks website. Went away on business for a week (and flew my husband out for a surprise) but he came a few days after me and upon return I discovered he had ordered a prostitute of that website. I have two small toddlers and we were very happy. I’m beyond distraught and can’t eat. I have a full on job and am the breadwinner so must work. I have supported my husband for 8 years and provided him with a job doing what he loves. My money is now heavily tied up in a project he is halfway through and if he doesn’t complete it I lose my life savings. So I can’t sinply cut him loose as much as I want to. What would you do? I want a divorce because someone who does this when they’re really happy is not normal. Imagine when we’re not perfectly happy. I am so confused. I feel violently ill and can’t look at him. I wish I could leave the country and I would if I wasn’t stuck with this project. I can’t tell anyone and have no support. All my family is overseas and this is too humiliating to share. I am alone and I am suffocating.

I was going to but that’s not how you reactivate it- to reactivate it you need the user name (some pseudo name he made up) and password. So there is only one place that username is and that’s in his head and he isn’t going to give me that info

If you go into aw and say forgotten password it will ask for your email address. Just get his emails password, they will email nickname and password to the email address he is registered with.

No it doesn’t - when you do that it just says “the user with this email address has deactivated the account” which reveals there WAS an account but the slime ball deactivated it. To reactivate it you go to the reactivate account page which asks you for your site user name and password. Then you can send a link to your email. You just know your username in order to reactivate it and if you don’t you can’t. I think it’s designed to stop wives from simply doing that. Bastards. I hope the people who run the sight have miserable lonely lives. It is all men’s fault but essentially it provides a means to exploit many women (I’m sure 000.5% actually enjoy selling their body to fat ugly wankers but hey) - what it does do is rip families apart and result in broken homes. I have a little boy at nursery who apparently sits quietly in a corner and cries a lot. He is not like this he is the class clown. He knows something is wrong. This hurts children deeply for the rest of their lives. All for the gratification over three minutes. I honestly hate life and hate humans what’s the point??

Does he not get emails to his phone? Check the deleted folder on that.

Does it actually matter?

How do I check if my husband is using that site?? Please share any info.

I'm sorry you going through this - you sound like an incredibly strong woman. Please get yourself out of this mess as soon as possible. Do not stay for the children's sake.

Yes I’ve checked all his phone emails and so forth he isn’t thick he meticulously deleted every slither of that site - justbon this one occasion he failed to realise he was searching this escort site on non private mode.

worried1254 - the best way to just randomly check is (do you know you hisbands’ Phone password and if not why not?) I even did but didn’t check sometimes I did out of Boredom and never anything weird showed up but then again I never searched browser history.

If you don’t know his password I’d catch him when he’s busy as fuck like his turn reading a story or bathing or whatever and say “argh shit can I borrow you phone I want to google and my battery just died” if he is weird about it then why. If he’s ok woth it - check the safari browser and history tab and scroll through his last sites - try to just do this now and then because some men are literally addicted to it and other men just do it now and then. I’ve read thousands of threads written by jerks on these sites giving each other tips how not to get caught and rating them. They say stuff like “whenever the wife nags to much I just think I’m getting a wh*re tomorrow. Which helps me just switch off and nod at what she is saying”. My husband was always ok with me nagging and now I know why. But if only the pointless prick did anything useful I’d not need to. Why do these scum bags marry??

Anyway just had a talk woth husband - he confided in one of the issues is that I could make more effort wearing sexy lingerie and coming and surprising him. I actually wished I was filming him say it cos it was almost humourous. I said ohhh yeh so on top of my 17 hours days- cooking - ordering food- doing finances- helping you build the project- managing all the kids events- sorting all the household shit you want me to wander around in agent provocateur? Are you having a laugh. Are men honestly like this?

What a complete knob. I actually can't believe what they expect of us. They should try lightening our load a little.

Thanks for the ideas, I'll try to check his history now and then. To be honest I expect he browses privately though. He's not stupid.

Omg OP, he is a truly disgusting piece of work!

Sorry to hear about your little boy and sorry you are going through this. You sounds like an amazing strong woman, do not let this toad make you feel any less than the brilliant person you are.

I have no idea why some men do this, I had never heard of adult works or uk punting til now. Out of curiosity I had a quick look on the UK punting site. It was utterly disgusting and it makes me so ashamed that these could be men we live with, work with, friends etc who are on these kind of sites. Everything about it was just grim, the way they talk about women as nothing but a bunch of sex organs!!

I'm livid on your behalf OP, I hope you do what's best for you and your boys. Sorry I have nothing useful to offer but I'm wanted to give some support

He is a piece of work. Just like my ex. And yes, he does live in a fantasy world where you pay for everything and you surprise him sexy underwear and when you don't he can order a prostitute with your money.

Listen, you are in shock. You are in turmoil. You are disgusted by his behaviour - because YOU are a decent human being. Your hurting not only for yourself, but for your son - which makes it a hundred times worse.

All these reactions are completely normal. Give yourself time and take each day slowly. It is a mountain, but you can't move it yourself in a day. You need lots and lots of support and time.

You are not alone. Many women, unfortunately, have been through similar and I am definitely no stronger than you are. But we got there, and you will get through this. My ex is now just an unpleasant memory (I also had a child involved but he has had no contact for the last 10 years). I am now very happy, and you will be too. Your happiness does not depend on this life draining wanker.

If I could go back in time I would tell myself to stop obsessing with all the passwords and catching him out and making him own up. You are dealing with a cheat and a liar. You are not going to get the answers you want from him.

I'm so sorry op. What a huge shock.

You need some space to work through this in your head. Easy to say but it's just a waste of energy trying to get proof. You have enough proof. He's not the man you thought he was.

Get angry. Get as much support from friends as you can and then get rid.

You are already in a good position, truly. You have a good job. He's the one who is screwed.

Kick him out. Seriously. There will be a way with the property project.

.. And my ex also had prostitutes in our bed when he was too busy to come with me and our baby son to see family.

He was on both sites mentioned.

I kicked him out last night and he’s finally gone and I actually slept for the first time in a week. It’ll be hard dealing with my full on job and kids all day in the weekend alone but honestly returning to that sham marriage is just ignorant. I’ve advised him to consider an open marriage or just find a kinky AF woman who likes open relationships and mindless pointless sex with randoms. Once the novelty wears off that’ll get boring then what? Up the ante more? It just isn’t sound. I am not raising my sons to be these empty soulless jerk offs and the best way to do that is to be a strong woman and kick this Grimy sack of shit out on his own and hopefully he will be much happier with the freedom to go renting take out vag and purchasing consent from women. Win win really. Thing is even if i said “look I’d agree to you doing it occasionally if I was involved “ he still will do it behind my back. For these low lives I actually think the thrill of being married etc is part of it. There are tens of thousands of men on that site and they aren’t all lorry drivers. They’re our husbands, co workers, neighbours. They’re everyday men. That’s the reality ladies and I don’t know what the solution is. There is none but I hope to find the last remaining man who doesn’t have such insecurities that he needs to pay for consent rather than discuss the issues and resolve them with his so- called best friend. It’s a sad world!

Oh and if any pathetic scum from adultwork or ukp are reading this musing. Just know that some nagging wives will be just fine with kicking your sorry ass out when they find out. Not if, but when. Consider the consequences and if that’s ok for you- just leave now. Or is that too hard cos then you’d have to do you own washing and cleaning? Lol pricks.

Crystal you ROCK!

Good! Well done!

Don't pay his rent btw. He's not your problem any more.

Cocklodging twat.

Fucking brilliant. You are doing the only right thing there is to do.

Bravo 👏🏻

Being a single mum is tough but you have got this!

I know it’s hard. But that is not reason to live a fake life with a twat. I’d rather be alone and it be hard - than stay bitter and angry always guessing with no chance of ever meeting someone because I stayed with some arrogant sack of slime cos it’s more convenient. I’m also in an easier position than many mums who have sacrificed their own careers for their sack of shit husbands and rely on them financially. I have enough money at least which makes thing at least more comfortable though stil very hard. I have no excuse to stay and put up with it. I’m actually posting my divorce papers tomorrow incase I soften over time. Because there is no excuse for it. Ever. Take note any slime balls reading. Sometimes you don’t get your cake and to eat it too and I hope all your wives take inspiration from this post, to can your ass.

Well done Crystal!

I had a quick look at that UKpunting site & the discussion just seems to be like talking about women like product reviews on amazon. There's no filter there so all the contributors are presumably under the impression that their dirty secrets are just fine and dandy.

As for you wearing sexy underwear-wtf? When did he last wear sexy underwear for you?

Just come across your thread and am soo relieved to read you've kicked him out.

You deserve soo much better and you WILL be fine in the long run, be strong, and any time you feel yourself waver take a look at your 2 little boys and know you are giving them an amazing role model.

Could we get an update OP? How are you doing? What's happened since?

He is still out of the house but thinks it is all just temporary and once i have some space and see how silly I am being I will forgive him and itll all go back to how it was. He will be good for a year or so then when life settles in he can start whoring again.

Im meeting a lawyer on Friday its taken ages cos my lawyer has been in Thailand on holiday. Annoying. I have also reached out to some counsellers though it is him who should be going not me!

I go from being violently angry and disgusted that men can be so thick as to be perfectly happy and risk a perfect life, family etc for two minutes of excitement then to depression. But men are thick and they do all cheat. Its just whether or not they are caught and how frequent it is. They either have at some point or will at some point. Need to accept that.

I do accept it but I am still mad and also depressed at the life I have lost. But returning to this dead beat is ludicrous. I do know that deep down even when i am sad and consider briefly if a reconciliation is possible. I think he is a joke and irreparable as no one does that if they are happy - he just did it cos he could, which means he never will be happy. He will only cause me misery in the long term. So i need to mourn for the death of my family life and marriage and then rebuild a new life and be a positive influence on my children. Why raise kids to believe marriage is based on lies. No thanks.

I know also there are worse things in the world but how i respond to this is up to me. I chose to protect myself from further shame and hurt because itll happen again despite even his best intentions.

You sound incredibly strong. But you are absolutely right - a reconciliation would be ludicrous and it's no way to live. I'm a realist like you but don't believe ALL men are like this. There's a spectrum and unfortunately your ex is on the lowest end. What a piece of shit he is.

I'd also mourn for the life I'd lost. It's every woman's worst nightmare to end up in your position, to be betrayed in one of the worst possible ways. You can get through this though - and at the end of the day living alone for the rest of your life would still be far better than being in a relationship with him. He's sickening.