How do you manage?

[wildfirez]

My father has been in hospital, but is going to be discharged very soon. He can’t live by himself anymore, so he needs to go into a care home, which he is resisting. I have two annual leave days left until Christmas. How do you manage to look for care homes and sort everything out for an elderly parent when you work full time, have children, and live 4 hours away? I don’t drive, so I have no car. I have a brother, but he lives in Australia. Thank you.

You may be able to take some carers leave?

Surely a lot of research can be done online?

Plus ring to see what their vacancies and waiting lists are like.

My friend wants their Mother in a local home as she is 3 hours away. She is top of the waiting list in their preferred home bit who knows when that will happen. My Father needed complex nursing care after discharge from hospital and a hospital social worker dealt with it all but it was 17 years ago so unsure if they offer this service now. The operation he had messed his mobility up so there was that as well.

I'm sorry - this is very difficult for you.
I would start by looking on carehome.co.uk - reviews on here are written by family members and friends of residents. Phone the ones you like the look of, speak to the manager and ask about availability. Then book visits, all to be done in one day. It's critical to look at how the manager and staff are and to talk to them - are they a team, do they seem happy, how do they interact with residents, is there high turnover? See if the residents seem content (can be tricky to judge as older people, especially on dementia and nursing units, can be sleepy all the time.) Ask about food (is it freshly cooked on site?), nutrition (e.g. when appetite is poor) and hydration. Find out who the GP is, how often they visit, how illnesses and vaccinations are managed, how end-of-life care is handled. Ask about communication - can you join relatives' meetings virtually?
There's a lot to being a relative/advocate/attorney for a care home resident. I hope you find the right one for your DF.

Thank you, I will look into it.

Thank you, I will be able to do some of this online. I will still need to visit the homes in person.

Thank you! This is very helpful.

Visiting the homes in person is the ideal but can be difficult. You could ask in local Facebook groups for the area your dad lives in for people’s experiences. There tends to be less fake reviews and more real life experiences from people.
it’s a really difficult time and I can understand why you would want to visit first.

Could he or would he move into a home near you? That’s what we did with my MIL who lived a 3 he drive away.

I get five days of carers leave each year.
It's for any caring duty, spouse, parents, grandparents etc (children are covered in different leave).

Any manager should work with you in this situation, you won't be concentrating while you've got this hanging over you.
Can you WFH/your dad's house? Can you make up some hours 'out of office hours' to give you time to ring around places etc during their office hours?
Can you swap shifts to give you some time etc.

Contact many by email and then visit lots in one weekend. Will he move near you?

Our local council has a list of home which have spaces. You they would be a good place to start. Also ask for recommendations on a local facebook group. The council also told me which ones they prefered.

You also need to ask a care home what info they need and make sure you get it from his named nurse so you can describe his needs to the care home on the phone. The care home will visit your Dad in hospital to decide if they can meet his needs.

If your father is "resisting" the idea of a care home, and still has capacity, you could make all the arrangements and still be met with "no" from him, so all your time would have been wasted.

What would he do if he had no children, or you both lived overseas? Could he do that now, maybe with the help of social services?

When my mother was in hospital and due to be discharged. I was contacted by the discharge coordinator at the hospital. Mum needed carers which we needed to pay for . The discharge coordinator gave me a list of care companies and we had to do our own research . The DC then contacted the company we were happy with .
I would speak to someone at hospital re your dad’s care . Are you self funding or funded by SS as that makes a difference.
regarding time off to research , I just took it as AL . Maybe speak to your boss or manager.
I’m so sorry for you . It’s a shit time . We had this with my late fil . He was initially in a home local to his home but we moved him closer to us . He had a SW and was funded by SS .

All employees are entitled to
carers’ leave, it’s a legal right.

But it’s like parental leave, which is also a legal right. Both are unpaid and not
everyone can afford to use them.

We were able to view care homes on a Saturday which helped enormously with the time off work thing. We did lots of research online and narrowed it to three which we visited in one day.

I would be wary of doing any of this if your Dad is refusing to go into a care home. If he has capacity he can just refuse and all your work will have been for nothing

Could you present it to your DF as respite care, to build up his strength in order to go home. It’s an approach which has worked in many cases.

Thank you. I can WFH, but I can’t stay at my dad’s house as I’m a single mum.

Thank you for the suggestion about local facebook groups.

It would be ideal if he did move to a home near me, but he doesn’t want to move or leave his home. I do understand why this is so difficult for him.

Thank you. He doesn’t want to move near me or leave his home.

Thank you for this.

I understand I could end up wasting time which I don’t have.

Thank you for this. He will be self funding to start with.

Sorry you are in such a difficult situation.