Parents (80 this year) have no wills or LPA in place

[Missingducks]

My parents are 80 this year - relatively fit and active and comfortably off. Today they told me they don't have wills or LPA organised. Do they think they are immortal or that when they die / need help someone else will sort it by magic? I am hopping mad. And told them they are ridiculous to hide their heads in the sand and that we have had ours since age 40 and review every 8 or so years . Growl.

I think elderly people are reluctant to do anything very much because:

Dont want to think about dying and think ill health is for others to suffer from
Dont want anyone knowing how much money they really have
Dont want anyone picking over how they organise things i.e paying a huge unnecessary amount on house insurance
Too much effort and after all when they go others will sort out the mess they have left

Some of these reasons are of course understandable. BUT - its a horribly selfish thing to do whilst calling often their daughter for all sorts of things day and night.. 'Its not urgent but' That and saying you are always so busy!

In your situation I'd encourage them to sort this out, but would focus on making things easier for them whilst they are alive but unwell, or for the widowed spouse rather than making it easier for you/ensuring things are given as they wish when they have both passed.

I'd point out that if one of them should lose capacity and they don't have LPA sorted it will be very costly and time consuming for the other to have access to their assets/make decisions for them- which adds expense and frustration at an already difficult time. This happened to MIL when FIL lost capacity almost over night.
Also, if they don't have LPA and are very unwell no one can deal with things on their behalf without having to get them to give permission there and then, which is stressful when they are already feeling terrible. (voice of experience trying to cancel a holiday/arrange bill payments etc when DF was unwell).
If they have a will naming an executor and naming spouse as beneficiary when the first one passes dealing with banks etc is relatively simple. with no will there's another layer of admin/stress/delay even if the final result is the same.

Yes, and it causes huge problems if something happens. Even the spouse is unable to make any financial or welfare decisions without POA. They would only be able to access joint accounts. The process to obtain this when someone has no capacity is long, arduous and expensive. So, yes it is their choice but if they dont have it then there should be no expectation for family to sort out the inevitable shit show.

Dying, no not particularly complicated if few relatives. Becoming incapacitated with no cognitive ability is a hugely complicated, expensive and distressing for everyone.

I would look for some horror stories (probably find some on here) about what happens if someone doesn’t have POA and has dementia or suddenly becomes incapacitated.

I nearly had such a horror story, parents refused to have POA (though did have wills). DF had previously sorted POA for his mum so knew why needed. DF’s health deteriorated, cancer and start of dementia, then sudden decline. Went into hospital, talked about care/nursing home. Parents had separate bank accounts, DF had private pension, DM only state one. We couldn’t access DF’s funds, sort out finances. Bills all paid out of DF’s bank account. An already stressful time became even more stressful. Sadly DF died in hospital. Not sure how we would have sorted finances if he hadn’t died there. DM agreed to sorting a POA for her straight after he died

A family relative died intestate. Estate was split between his widow and adult DC, so didn’t all go straight to his widow (eldest DC then scammed his mum to get hold of her share too but that is another story 😡) Relative was an undertaker. Of all the people., dealing with death everyday, you assume would have a will!

Yes on the wills. My mum and husband’s dad don’t have one but we are both only children and they are modest estates so it’s going to take longer to sort I suppose but nothing we can’t cope with.

Thanks all, I knew I wasn't wrong to be cross but it's good to have it confirmed. And yes probably the will is a nice-to-have. But LPA is so so important and I will nag now until this is done. I mean for goodness sake they spend time choosing holidays, electronics etc and haven't spent any time on preparing to reduce stress for stressful times.

Sadly yes - a millionaire’s death is very rare