Parents retired early…

[WeepingAngelInTheTardis]

I dont know where this fits, my parents are in their early 60s so kind of fits? So sorry if this is the wrong board!

Both my parents took early retirement in their early 50s, they were warned by many family members not to do this but they had savings & assets and future proofed their home by moving to a bungalow. Fair enough.
However, since the COL I get constant weekly phone calls from them moaning about the prices of everything, politics and the state of the country & how they are struggling. (Will not touch their savings. Both will get large inheritances)
I am struggling to have any sympathy for them, Ive told them they could go back to work even part time but they wont consider it.
Other than ignoring the phone I have no idea what to do, Ive tried steering the conversation away but it always go back to that.
On paper they are quite well off but I feel like they want some kind of magic solution from me & its stressing me out.

@WeepingAngelInTheTardis do you talk with them outside of these calls

Can you be honest with them - tell them how they are making you feel? Other than that ignore the phone calls!

I would out poor them which shouldn’t be hard. “Oh my goodness yes everything is so expensive. Dave and I were saying we will be lucky if we get to retire at 67, we just can’t afford to put anything in our pension.” If they turn it back to them “ Gosh childcare is so expensive. You’re right everything is so expensive.” Eventually they will get the hint and move on to discuss something else.

Yes Ive done that before. I even agree with them & tell them oh yes we are struggling too but they just go on & on even though if they wanted too they could withdraw some savings.
Maybe im grouchy they are due alot of money in inheritance (theyve sat me down & told me this even though I told them I dont need to know) they never used to be like this but age & retirement has made them really bitter.
I do see them outside of phone calls, and they bring it up in person too, their favourite topic is the COL & a certain Mr Farage. Driving me mad!

My dad is older and retired about 60 when his pension pot bought him an annuity of about £30k /year. Back in 2001 that was pretty good. Now (funny old thing) it doesn’t go so far and he is increasingly stressed about money. If your parents are struggling now, they probs l’y need to go back to work! If dad had his time again I think he’d have gone part time for another 5 years or so.

Yep I have told them this mutiple times, even if one of them works part time even in just a shop or doing admin work it would really help them. They are both pretty skilled people.
There was no reason to retire (not medically unwell or needing to care for eldery parents) they just did. But its always some kind of excuse about not wanting too. I guess I just need to grin & bare it, glad im not the only one though.

I'd just start saying "Spend your savings" in a monotone, on repeat. Every time.

But people don’t need a reason to retire. I retired early and took a financial hit because I’d had enough of working. Admittedly I’m not moaning to my kids about it though! But people don’t have to justify it

That would make me very irritated OP. Just be blunt. Every time they mention the cost of things tell them it’s a good job they have savings to dip into. If they complain that they are struggling ask what they are going to do to fix this. If they don’t stop tell them to stop because they are boring you.

No they dont, but to then moan to your children about being skint when you have over 300k in savingsis taking the pee.

Put them on speaker rather than on headphones or holding to your ear. The distance really helps

Prop the phone up and do something physical, unload the dishwasher, dust a forgotten book shelf, sort wàshing, any chore that you stand a chance of completing so the time ticks a box.

Limit the time
Pretend you watch TV old school style, so 6 pm you need to catch the headlines/grand designs/Traitors

Or you are running a family Uber service
Or there's a delivery at this time of night. What are they thinking! Imaginary van drivers, honestly , feel so sorry for them.

Talk about the garden, endless cycle pretty positive, recommend garden shows, lights, monty fucking don
Events that are community but not necessarily family - remembrance, Park run, boxing day swim, football match in town, Christmas markets. My parents in retirement having ignored any group thing, got quite into first observing then attending all sorts of things. It was a pretty positive topic in a nice to get out even if it did descend into how much for a hot chocolate.

Best wishes!

They are grown ups. If they don’t like their current circumstances they have plenty of ways they could change it. Work a bit, use some savings etc
They sound bored and self absorbed tbh. It appears that moaning has become their new hobby!
You need to zone out and not take it’s a problem you need to fix.

That would drive me mad … how tone deaf when they own their home and have £300K in savings.

What do they do with their time? How do they fill their days … apart from watching shite online and repeating it to you?

It’s a mistake to retire early unless you’ve got lots of hobbies, willing to volunteer or can afford to travel etc.

but why do you have to listen to it. You have agency. If you carry on I will put the phone down. And do every time. You are right you can't stop them but you remove yourself.

I sympathise that they're moaning to you about the situation but £300m is nothing when you're not working and in your early 60's so I can understand them not dipping into the pot.
They could live for another 30+ years.
Going back to work is probably the only option but I can't imagine after being out of the workplace they're going to be sort after as employees and I expect as they retired so young they don't want to go back to that life.
What about getting an answering machine - then you can call them back when you have a mo and tell them you can't talk long the minute they mention money.

I'd set voicemail to kick in after two rings, and let them leave a message. Return the call with a whatsapp message, no talking. Do that for as long as possible. Ignoring is the only way, as long as they are well that's the main thing. Think of it as a whingeing child wanting to get their own way. What would you do there? Ignore I reckon 😊

I just wanted to say i totally empathise 😂. I thought this was just my parents. DM, when she calls, talks about a) politics especially reform b) money and savings.

My DM still works part time but she's had since my parents divorced when she was 50 to improve things financially, retrain etc. No, apparently she felt she was too old at the time, despite her looking back now and thinking gosh how young she was.

I went round the other week and was on her computer and came across the Telegraph subscription - honestly 5 minutes of reading that and I was like I know what the problem is 😂 She is reading too much news. I felt utterly depressed after looking at the paper for five minutes, she's reading it every day.

I went got her set up on FREE press reader, where she can read the Torygraph and every other paper and magazine under the sun, at no cost, saving about £300 a year. No, in the end she preferred the layout of the Torygraph.

I think sometimes my parents expect me to provide the entertainment - honestly I'm just staying afloat 😂 I like the idea of chatting about exciting things to get up to though.

Mainly I say I'm busy or change the subject. It was like this with Brexit - I honestly almost WANTED Brexit to happen 😂. There was indeed a gap, but then it was all about What's China Up To? I don't know, I just want to enjoy this life 🤣

Make wild suggestions to them :

Get a lodger
Petsit
Be a carer to an elderly person
Sell your knickers 🤣🤣

Omg the last one. 😂😂 i actually helped them get a dog (thought it would stop a lot of the moaning, and it did… for a while) they love the dog and go on walks every day etc, they do have hobbies especially my dad he does loads of volunteering.
Its a bit like maybe my mum is just angry at the world but its not my fault. I dont mind her moaning, but every single time is a no, no. I will put them on speakerphone next time and do some cleaning or something, hopefully that will at least drown out the politics!

Money takes on a different meaning to older/retired people. We compare current prices to those when we were up and about....and it is scary. "If it is like that now, what will it be in the future. I will need all my savings. Either of us may need care. Keep my savings."

Are they claiming any benefits they may be entitled to?
Are they really financially stretched, or is it their perception?

Probably there are lots of groups and activities around . Mens Shed , woman's guild, craft, walking football. It would give them the opportunity to speak to like minded people. Do they have their own circle of friends?

Not reaching out to other communities, lays a path to loneliness and despair. They are young enough to establish those connections before their
health may fail.

And most importantly encourage them to count their blessings. Not their savings, but their good health and the companionship of each other.

If you have time try to find out what is available, one or the other may
enjoy

Finally, I think that to ignore or distance yourself from their calls is not a good move at best,and cruel at its worst .Use the calls as a reason for them to join to join a group where they call speak about the topics.

I hope this helps. I am relating some of my own experiences of being older .

I hope all goes well.

People make decisions no matter what other people say to them, they’re just worried. Let them give out, we all give out about vol, their only difference is that they’re finished working

Mine is very like this, only older. They get worse with time!

It’s also crazy. The percentage increase on her pension far far exceeds my salary increases over the same period. Plus £££ in the bank and house mortgage-free.

I can’t stand this sort of thing. They made a not very sound decision. That’s on them. I would just cut short any conversation short if they start.
My mum is similar despite barely working her whole life. It’s ridiculous.

Sounds aggravating. Its the sort of convo we get from MIL and she's in her 80s.

I think of you retire early you have to have a plan..

Early 60s is not that much older than me and there's no way I'd go on like that to my DC - tbh they wouldn't put up with it.

Do either volunteer at all ? It might get them out, talking to other people.

Are they claiming any benefits they may be entitled to?

They apparently have £300k in savings and no health conditions, so they won't be entitled to any benefits