Father in law won’t pay

[ItsDdayalloveragain]

me and my husband are in a dilemma as to what to do with my father in law who is refusing to pay for his wife’s care. Basically, mother in law is 88, had a fall at home, taken to hospital 8 weeks ago, and 3 weeks ago was transferred to a care home for assessment. She has undiagnosed dementia which nose dived following her fall. Nothing was broken when she hit the floor but she is incredibly unstable and now shuffles with a walking frame. My father in law, has and is a tight arse. We are talking about having no heating on to save money and sitting in a coat, eating food that’s gone off etc. They live in a rented house and pay full rent due to their savings being £160k. Me and my husband believe that mother in law is looked. After well in a care home as she’s warm, fed and has her meds regularly, she is supervised and checked in on regularly. But he wants her home, he says he’s not paying for care and is now trying to hide the money in different accounts to avoid fees. We have explained it’s 50/50 her money and it’s a deprivation of assets. He doesn’t care and said their (social services) are not having it. Any idea on what we can do to ensure mother in law has the care she needs? He is a very unloving and uncaring husband- no different to how he’s been the 40 years I’ve known him!

Tell the care home providers what he’s doing and that she’s been abused for a while. They will do the rest

Speak to social services this is financial abuse and elder abuse.

Have you spoken to her social workers to ask what to do in this situation, as he is neglecting her if he takes her home when she needs care.

You need to take this up with social services, or speak to someone like Age Concern - they’ll be able to advise you.

This. Take it out of his hands.

As above social services need to be aware she is being neglected so they can step in and take it out of his control.

He lies to them and says he is her carer!!! He told SS in front of my husband that he will stay indoors and look after her and that he does the cooking and cleaning, washing etc. he doesn’t do any of those things at all, and to be honest, she’s much worse and more in need than before she fell. He will hate her being home. It’s literally the case of he believes he’s worked all his life and doesn’t want to pay. He won’t pay for carers, or a cleaner (they have mice droppings all over the kitchen worktops) it’s awful. SS have said that this week she can return home as she is ‘medically fit. The care home is free at the moment but once discharged any care will need to be paid for. His response is ‘over my dead body’! Can SS enforce anything?? We have told them everything but they insist she can go home.

Keep reporting, with evidence. In writing.

Jesus SS will really do and risk anything just to save money

Can you tell them in a registered letter that if she goes home and he abuses her/neglects her after you have informed them of the fact, then you will hold them legally responsible for her neglect. Failing that involve a solicitor

Have you reported his abuse to the police?

Good job you’re there with your psychic skills and endless time and resources.

SWs try, I did until I stopped with SW. I’ve investigated financial abuse. It was unbearable in terms of expectations and workload then, more than 15 years ago. God knows what it’s like now.

If you have ever voted for any government that cut social care, YOU are the problem. Not SS. YOU.

I voted Labour up until photo ID was brought in then i didnt vote at all. We should be able to point out the shortcomings of an organisation without someone taking it personally and jumping down our throats Happens on NHS threads as well. Why the fuck would i vote for cutting social care when i have a disabled DH And a father who died from prostate cancer last year.

Yes we have said that we will hold SS accountable. SS have not even sent a OT to the house which is incredible because he’s a hoarder and she won’t be able to get around without falling and tripping. SS said that because she can’t manage the stairs she will need a bed downstairs, but there literally no room because of all the stuff he has. We have given them video and photo evidence of the conditions at home. They said that they have to follow the first line of trying her at home. Ss have offered to book carers to come and help but it’s way past all that now. I know that £160k is not much for endless years of care home fees, but it would get her started and I believe they take over once the funds run dry??

Can you explain your thinking on this? Given the OP is essentially about her FIL refusing to pay for care not adult social care?

If this concern landed on my desk my first question would be does anyone have LPOA for finances or health and welfare.

If you inform adult social care of your concerns she won't be going home until it's been investigated and there's been a best interests decision made on her behalf either by the LPOA if there is one or by adult social care/ the court of Protection if there isn't.

Adult social care ant do anything of they don't know about the concerns though.

His abuse needs to be reported to the police

Speak to the ward manager….request a discharge planning meeting….raise your concerns that this is an unsafe discharge and warrants raising a safeguarding referral

The police will do absolutely nothing about a man moving his own savings around from a joint account.

Does anyone have LPOA?

If no one does and there is a dispute about someone's welfare/best interests and your MIL has been assessed as lacking capacity then it should be referred to the Court of Protection for a decision.

MIL should also be appointed an independent advocate.

Has there been a best interests meeting?

thank you for your post. It makes sense as to what happens and In what order.
my husband and his brother have LPOA for health- but not finances.
SS have been informed by email several times about our genuine concerns. They said it went to a MDT panel and will let us know tomorrow the outcome. But we were warned that she will be sent home as a first line. They will do x 3 care visits. All of which is pretty useless because he WONT PAY!!
We are disgusted by his behaviour and yesterday he said he will get rid of some of the money and by a motorhome for himself to
go away in!!!

Financial abuse is a crime, and they do act. Moving money around is fine; but leaving your wife without access to her own money to pay for her own care is financial abuse. Financial abuse is a crime, as is elder abuse.

Some police forces are better than others but they do act.

Report his financial abuse to the police.

Also email your MP about the situation and the fact that SS are ignoring your warnings about the neglect, have refused to visit the home to see the state of it and that the hospital are going to discharge her to an unsafe environment because SS won’t do their job.

It's a safeguarding issue. SS are aware. They are right to send her home at this stage and they should pay for the csrers up to four times a day. The situation will be rwviewed and if conditions are insanitary/there is abuse or neglect they will get her back into residential care.

Meanwhile, let him buy a motorhome and bugger off with the money. That will mean there's no money for a care home and state will have to pay. Job done.

May I suggest the Hourglass services website? They specialise in helping with this type of situation. Good luck op it sounds very distressing. A friend of mine went down the GP route they referred her mother to a District nurse who seemed to have some clout with SS.