Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Elderly parents

Father in law won’t pay

77 replies

ItsDdayalloveragain · 02/11/2025 23:11

me and my husband are in a dilemma as to what to do with my father in law who is refusing to pay for his wife’s care. Basically, mother in law is 88, had a fall at home, taken to hospital 8 weeks ago, and 3 weeks ago was transferred to a care home for assessment. She has undiagnosed dementia which nose dived following her fall. Nothing was broken when she hit the floor but she is incredibly unstable and now shuffles with a walking frame. My father in law, has and is a tight arse. We are talking about having no heating on to save money and sitting in a coat, eating food that’s gone off etc. They live in a rented house and pay full rent due to their savings being £160k. Me and my husband believe that mother in law is looked. After well in a care home as she’s warm, fed and has her meds regularly, she is supervised and checked in on regularly. But he wants her home, he says he’s not paying for care and is now trying to hide the money in different accounts to avoid fees. We have explained it’s 50/50 her money and it’s a deprivation of assets. He doesn’t care and said their (social services) are not having it. Any idea on what we can do to ensure mother in law has the care she needs? He is a very unloving and uncaring husband- no different to how he’s been the 40 years I’ve known him!

OP posts:
rickyrickygrimes · 11/11/2025 10:38

OP - are your DH and his brother making any progress to get a dementia diagnosis for his mum? We had a slightly similar situation with FIL, who had a bad fall and really went downhill quickly. He was in hospital for a couple of weeks, and the Dr in the hospital told us and wrote in his notes that he had early dementia. She told us that this would be important to get the carers in place for him, and that a formal diagnosis might take a long time (I think the waiting time for an assessment is over a year now 🙄). It meant that during this period DH and SIL could assume the POA for his health in order to get the carers organised (in Scotland so personal care is fully funded by the LA).

ItsDdayalloveragain · 24/11/2025 20:39

rickyrickygrimes · 11/11/2025 10:38

OP - are your DH and his brother making any progress to get a dementia diagnosis for his mum? We had a slightly similar situation with FIL, who had a bad fall and really went downhill quickly. He was in hospital for a couple of weeks, and the Dr in the hospital told us and wrote in his notes that he had early dementia. She told us that this would be important to get the carers in place for him, and that a formal diagnosis might take a long time (I think the waiting time for an assessment is over a year now 🙄). It meant that during this period DH and SIL could assume the POA for his health in order to get the carers organised (in Scotland so personal care is fully funded by the LA).

Sorry for the delay in my reply. Mother in law has no formal diagnosis, but all health professionals have said that she has dementia. MIL is still on the dementia ward in a Care home. They have now been offered sheltered accommodation, with x 4 carer visits. FIL has said he will not pay for the carer visits because it’s too expensive. Social services have said he will have to pay. MIL fell again in the care home yesterday and is in hospital. So she is looked after at the moment. It’s all a nightmare and I wish to god that it ends soon!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread