Horrid aging mother and her requests

[Edsgreendress]

Hi everyone,

I’m struggling with how to handle my mother’s behaviour lately. She’s becoming increasingly difficult, that is: more argumentative, easily angered, and she ignores things that need to be fixed around the home, even though money isn’t the issue.

The part that really hurts me is how she acts whenever my partner comes to collect me. She doesn’t say anything directly, but her whole demeanour changes. She goes cold, silent, and visibly bitter. He’s never done anything wrong, but she clearly resents my relationship and treats me differently because of it.

Normally, I’ve always been happy to help her with things like online shopping or topping up her phone. But at this stage, I just can’t stomach it. She’s frequently cold or paranoid toward me, yet still expects me to help her. I know from experience that saying “no” outright would only cause an argument, so sometimes I make small excuses instead (like saying something’s out of stock or my app isn’t working).

I work full-time and live at home, so I do get some peace while I’m at work but when I get home, she’ll likely start asking again.

How do I manage this situation in a calm, self-protective way? I don’t want constant conflict, but I also can’t keep giving in when she’s treating me with so little respect.

If this is the OP I suspect it is, she will not come back to this thread but will disappear and then pop up again on a new thread with yet another user name and post yet more variations on the same complaints about her mother, who she suspects of having dementia, and who irritates her by refusing to deal with a leaking oil tank and various other household issues.

If it is the same OP (apologies if I have this wrong) she gets the same advice every time: a) move out so none of this is your problem any more, and b) contact the GP about all the odd behaviour of your mother's, so they may call her in for an assessment. She has been getting the same advice for two years or more, under different names, but always ignores it.

The mention of a partner is new, however, so maybe this is not the same person, or maybe the partner is new, which might be why she hasn't reappeared for a while.

No matter what, I think the advice is still the same: move out, and contact your mother's GP about the suspicions of dementia.

I too wondered if it was the same OP …

@SoloSofa24 ah I do remember that poster and you're right she isn't interested in hearing advice. I don't know if it's the same poster here, but could be.

It's a million times more difficult because you live with her. I dont think there is a solution unless you move out