My situation is:
My father is dying. We have only a few days left with him. We’ve been nursing him at home for the last couple of months because that’s what he wanted. He’s now pretty much out of it and we are managing his pain with the nurses. It’s been a long summer and my siblings will have to return to their families
My mother has Alzheimer’s and dad and I have cared for her for the last few years. She doesn’t understand what is wrong with dad; she can’t cook, write, read properly or reliably dress herself; she sometimes doesn’t know us. She is continent and can still take enjoyment in life. My eldest daughter (11) loves very much her and they are very close.
She cannot be alone at night and will need some supervision throughout the day. We currently have carers 15 mins x3 a day. She is not safe with knives, kettle etc. but potentially will sit and watch the TV or look into space. Not sure.
We live right next door with a gate between us. We are renovating our house and it’s quite extensive. We will eventually have 5 beds and two living rooms. It’s very slow because we are (literally) doing it ourselves. Probably at least another year until we finish. Mum lives in a 5 bed house. Lots of space. But full of 50 years of marriage. Full of hazards. Probably needs work.
The care home is £2k+ a week and the waiting list is determined by need. There is only one care home in this part of this area that is at her level. The other one is for people with medical needs. There are no places at the moment. The next nearest care home is 60 miles away and also has no spaces. If I don’t take her they will put her in respite but it might mean moving her very far away or it moving and changing or ??? Really don’t know.
My head is mush. Do we move in with her? Does she move here? Do I put her on the waiting list? Should I look after her myself? How do I tell her when my dad is gone? How do I manage her care? What am I not thinking of?
Wwyd?