Will try and keep this brief.
Dad - 73, advanced MS. Until 3 weeks ago could do a few steps, could get upstairs to bed with help. Catheter, often doesn’t make the toilet in time for #2. Needs help moving, cooking, bit of feeding, catheter care, dressing, showering. Independently could take a few steps, make a cup of tea in a lidded mug, bring to his chair, pop on the TV. Diabetic, obese so moving him is a challenge. Fairly frequent falls.
Mum - 66, in good health until last week. Dad’s full time carer - has done all the above for him for years.
3 weeks ago - Dad into hospital after stopping breathing. Diagnosed with sleep apnea. Mum gave CPR. Was getting better in terms of oxygen but mobility decreasing massively in hospital. Developing bed sores. Mum having to change his catheter in hospital as nurses not familiar with (external catheter pouch). Dad looking like he’d be out this week but already aware mum and dad would need external care support as dad has deteriorated during time in hospital.
This week - mum, massive fall. On stairs up to bed. Has broken her neck, collarbone, rib. Will recover, but incapacitated in a different hospital right now and won’t be out for at least a week and won’t be able to provide care for weeks (months?) and certainly not to the tune of anything near what she did before.
Dad and mum (mum in particular) have been very stubborn up to now and managed alone with scant details provided to us, but it’s very clear that what ‘worked’ (I use the term loosely) before now no longer does.
Dad desperate to get out of hospital, his mobility is declining by the day. No way can he do this without either a residential setting or a lot of carers. Sister and I both have preschool kids and jobs, live nearby but can only provide limited support.
Where do I even start with getting care for dad (I think mum should be ok in time but she’s clearly not at all to be considered for any kind of caring role now, and very limited caring role in future once recovered).
I’ve asked Occupational Therapy in his hospital to redo a care assessment taking my mum out of the equation for what can be offered. Hopefully this will happen tomorrow. Have researched potential rehab options nearby but tbc on if they’ll take him. Everything moving at a glacial pace and dad is declining in mobility day by day.
Can anyone point me where you go when this happens? I want to talk to someone about setting plans in place so he can get out of hospital but don’t know where to start.
sorry if it’s garbled. I don’t know where to start, my mum has been holding it together so long but with a broken neck it’s very urgently time for us to start taking over. We’re in Surrey, if relevant.
It’s been a horrific few days and I could rage at my parents for their lack of planning but now is not the time.