Elderly GF suddenly needing care but possible deprivation of assets issue

[ThisBreezySnake]

Hi, my GF is 93 and has been living alone since my GM died 8 years ago. He has always been fit and well and was even driving up until recently.

He has been slowing down over the past few years but nothing out of the ordinary other than ageing.

A Couple of weeks ago he fell at home and hit his head, it was a small cut with lots of blood but despite my best efforts refused to go to hospital. I got my nurse friend to check him out and all was OK.

Since then he has become almost a shell of himself, he is unsteady, cannot use stairs, cannot go to the toilet alone etc.

On the day of the fall he went to stay with my Dad, they have a somewhat tumultuous relationship, neither are easy people but I would say my Dad is the worse of the two (I don't get along well with him either).

GF has another son but they are estranged and don't speak to one another at all.

After a few days at Dad's I was phoned to come urgently, Dad said GF had hit him for no reason. GF says this is an exaggeration and Dad had pushed him to his limit (I can well believe this).

GF insisted on returning home and I was going there at least twice a day to check on him. He does not have a downstairs loo but told me he was managing to get upstairs.

On Friday when I arrived in the morning, he had knocked a table over and there was faeces on the floor. It also transpires he has been urinating in tupperware and pouring it down the sink instead of using the toilet.

He begged me to let him live with me. I don't have a spare bedroom (it's me, DH and 2 young sons). We both work and boys are in full time school.

I brought him home and he has been sleeping on the couch, I take him to the toilet and he calls me in the night when he needs to go. I'm exhausted.

He is willing to have a care assessment and I am waiting on a callback from the LA.

BUT, some years ago (10ish) my grandparents signed their home over to their 2 children (my Dad and brother) to avoid inheritance taxes. This is nothing to do with me, but would that be deprivation of assets?

Quite frankly it doesn't bother me if it was but will it affect/hold up any care plan for GF, i just want the best for him ASAP.

He needs to go to hospital and be checked out if he has deteriorated that acutely after a minor head injury. I would suggest a CT head to rule out a chronic sub-dural haemorrhage.

Health professional working with elderly here. He needs a medical assessment to see if there is an illness causing a sudden change in his functioning . If he hit his head 2 weeks ago and is now confused would need to be sure hasn’t got a subdural hemetoma in his head.

It’s possible that your local authority would consider it deprivation of assets. But that shouldn’t stop you getting your GF to somewhere where he can be safe and looked after properly. Having him in your home is obviously not something you can do indefinitely, whatever his wishes and however good your intentions. You have your own life and family to consider. (But do get him checked out for head injury.)

Yes, firstly, what they said up there 👆. Secondly, to answer your question, it would only be deprivation of assets in the case of care needs, if it could have reasonably anticipated, at the time, that he would need care. As you say that wasn’t the case, maybe not. However, LAs can, and do, investigate cases like this and they may still do so even if it turns out not to be the case. It shouldn’t have bearing on your GFs needs being met in the short term though.

I agree and that was also the advice of my nurse friend. But he is absolutely adamant that he won't go and short of dragging him there (which we physically can't do) I can't see how it's possible.

I do agree but GF is refusing to go to hospital. The decline is purely physical and not cognitive, he is sharp as a tack. The faeces on the floor sounds awful but it was a small amount that was dry and hard, he hadn't realised it had happened and had rolled out of his pyjamas (sorry if tmi)

I agree, it's made me a prisoner in my own home, I love him dearly but it's not sustainable him being here. All I want is to help him, thank you

Thank you for the advice, I just want to get him access to the right help as soon as possible!

I have no idea about the deprivation of assets part of your post but it sounds as though he needs to be seen by medical professionals as soon as possible.
I know you said he adamant he won't see anyone but could you phone 111 and explain the situation, they will be able to advise (or send an ambulance if deemed necessary)? Or contact the GP first thing in the morning, and book an appointment on your GF behalf?

Sorry I should have said in my original post that whilst my GF refused hospital my Dad did ring his GP. They said that they recommend hospital and therefore there was no point in them conducting a home visit.

It's unlikely the local authority would consider it DOA.

Even if they did it would only matter if he went into a care home but there are lots of home care options they would look at first anyway.

Not that any of it will matter if he doesnt get some medical attention soon.

The local authority can look as far back as they like. They would be curious to know of the arrangement made for signing the house over and the reasons behind this. Presumably your GF has not been paying his sons any rent? In terms of delays it would just be a case of how fast they could establish the facts of the situation. The care assessments etc take a long time regardless of this.

Don't let this stop you getting a care assessment however. It may be worth looking into home help car companies too as they may be able to provide care that allows him to stay at home. It's pricey but no where near as expensive as staying at a care home.

Has your GF got enough money to go into assisted living? There are some lovely places (well in my area) where people rent an apartment or bungalow but have access to alarm buttons etc. They all come with food options, socials etc - they are like fancy care homes but offer more independence. They so cost a bit per month though

All I know is that it was done through a solicitor because GF and GM (who was alive then) always wanted them to gave the house and thought it would be easier if they did it at that time (all were on speaking terms back then)

No, he does not pay any rent to his sons. I have tried to discuss care at home with him today but he is adamant he does not want that and if he cannot stay with me then he will go into a home. He has always been a very stubborn person.

In the event of a care assessment you would need to declare that he signed the property over to his sons and the authority would want to know the reasons why. We had similar with a relative who had signed a property over 16 years prior. If he is still living in the property now I think it may be considered deprivation of assets and the authority may have grounds to include it in an assessment. This would only come into play if he needed a care home though and could not fund himself through the money in his bank account.

No, he has a about 5k in savings and then it's just his pension and attendance allowance, i doubt that would begin to cover it.

Yes i do not think he would have enough money to pay for the entirety of care himself. My view on the whole house debacle is if they take it they take it, I just need something to happen quickly, possibly even respite for now!

It is likely to be considered deprivation of assets.

sounds a terribly messy situation, sorry OP.

You need to contact adult social care and make a referral and get some practical advice. I feel for you, it’s really hard. We had a very similar situation with my nan.

Thank you, i know :( I'm just picking up the pieces here of things that were done when I had no idea. Feeling rather alone considering I have a Dad and uncle who are more than capable of helping with it all but choose not to.

Don’t worry about the deprivation of assets issue for now. What’s done is done & the local authority will need to go through their process

the important thing is to get him assessed. I know you say he’s sharp as a tack but bluntly a man who is urinating into bowls and pouring them down the sink & cannot see or does not want to see that living with his GD & family in a 2 bedroom house is a non starter is not perhaps as sharp as he once was

hes scared & he can’t think straight. He needs to go through all this was social services. If he does need a care home leave social services to have it out with your dad & uncle re deprivation of assets. They’re well used to doing it

Thank you, i have made the referral and rang them again today to express urgency but as the team do not work weekends they have advised me to ring back in the morning which I will do.

How long did it take for then to assess your Nan?

Your first port of call is a care assessment. Make sure they understand living with you is not sustainable long term.

Just to say @ThisBreezySnake youre a star to be dealing with all this & GF is lucky to have you 💐

I will thank you, it definitely isn't sustainable, my GF and children are upset. I'm walking around like I'm stuck in a nightmare whilst trying to juggle work and the kids being off :(