Saying they are poor but they are not?

[Orangesandlemons77]

I keep getting told by elderly MIL how poor she is 'on the breadline' but she really is not.

She owns her own house, gets her state pension and her husbands from when he was employed, then also gets attendance allowance, which adds up to quite a bit.

Bit she keeps going on about every penny and how much things cost, the winter fuel allowance etc - she has quite a bit more than we do and we need to budget for four.

Anyone else got this? What is it about I wonder?

Is your husband concerned about his mum

My GP would like to prescribe medications to help with the ongoing side effects from some other medications, and has recommended I get these privately. I use PIP for this

Although what this has to do with my elderly MIL I really am not sure about!

I think lots of older people - like my own parents - are only just managing. Mine are definitely poor, and put just over the limit for some benefits by their teeny savings. I think they'd be worse off if they owned a house (they are in a HA property) as they could be wiped out by a maintenance issue.

They are in their late eighties, prices are going up and up, and one of them is quite disabled. It's not like they can go out and earn more money! They are claiming everything they are entitled to (including the higher rate of attendance allowance) and still feel very worried about money.

Yeah, I know a retired couple who have heating off , lights off, don't go out and spend much money, no holidays really, brand new bmw and big 4 bedroom house, most rooms not used. Both good pensions, asking where's best to put money, moan about heating allowance that has gone and cost of living.

My gran does exactly this ! Has an absolute fortune in bank. Owns house outright, full state pension, attendance allowance and my grandads private pension. She acts like she’s on the breadline. She’s got well over £1000 left every month after her outgoings.

No one in the family understand her constant moaning about being poor etc. I believe it must either be delusional or the fact everything costs a lot more and they just can’t get their head around it.

Why does it matter? Elderly people get more anxious about things and, with the cost of living so high and a fixed income it's understandable that she is feeling the pinch like most other people. The elderly are more likely to voice this stuff (or 'moan' if that's how you see it) because they have less in general to occupy themselves.

Smile, nod and empathise. Stop taking it personally and accept how she's feeeling. It makes for a happier life.

Yes DH is a bit concerned. he doesn't spend as much time with her though.

Another things is she seems to make up stories about people kissing her and telling them they love her? For example at the bus stop / on the bus?

Another relative thinks this might stem from missing her husband or a needing to feel loved.

Nots are if any others have seen this in elderly relatives, or with dementia?

I guess it matters if it is to do with depression or dementia which might need treated?

Thanks for the replies, she is fine regarding money, I am wondering about 'delusions of poverty' and possible early dementia perhaps

I wouldn't jump to conclusions regarding dementia.

I've been thru this countless times with various elderly relatives and it's my impression this fear of running out of money is very common.

If you're on a fixed income yet living costs keep getting higher every year there will be some worry. Couple that with feeling vulnerable knowing you can't bring in any extra income and are somewhat dependent on benefits that aren't guaranteed, you have a recipe for financial anxiety.

@CulturalNomad I've been thru this countless times with various elderly relatives and it's my impression this fear of running out of money is very common.

Absolutely.

How did they get winter fuel allowance if they have the income you say?

I haven't read your other posts, so quite happy to take this one at face value. How old is your MiL? I'm in my 60s and many of my friends 60+ into their 70s, almost every one is complaining they are "poor". It's been quite upsetting really because I don't have any friends that age who don't own at least one property outright, and many are receiving 2 or 3 private pensions on top of state pension! There's something called scarcity mindset, but that normally affects people who have genuinely been through poverty, not enough food etc., I'll have a read of that link you posted.

Overall, I do think it's a trend to be complaining about money, when you have enough to live on; not limited to over 60s/70s etc. However, I find that those people who REALLY don't have enough to live on don't say anything. And don't get me started on the winter fuel thing - woman at work is receiving so much in pensions that these payments alone take her into the higher tax bracket yet she is complaining bitterly about the £300 as she needed it for "Christmas presents for the grandchildren". But I think there'd need to be other things for you to suspect dementia rather than a common case of pleading poverty-itis.

Sounds more like dementia.
Do you actually know the amount of pension she gets my pension is shit my husband's not much better so state pension will be most of it.

It used to be given to everyone regardless of income but that stopped this year. As far as I know.

So they don't get it now as they are not regarded as being on a low income.

I didn't say they got it, I said they were moaning about it.

And elderly people are very aware that all assets can easily be depleted by care home fees.

It can be very frightening to realize that you are vulnerable and so much is out of your control. I think it's hard to understand until you get to that stage.

She's late 70s

Does she watch a lot of GB News? We have noticed that some older people who we know who watch this seem to have a very negative outlook of the world. Is there something in particular that she is worrying about; such as a big bill (eg roof/ boiler?)

She was saying about paying tax on it so must be over the tax threshold and that was before the AA which at the higher rate is about another £500 a month, with no payment going out for housing costs etc

Reads a LOT of the Daily Mail, which is similar

It's impossible to say without knowing her income and outgoings. You sound not very nice.

Owning the house is irrelevant.

That is just not true. A 1 bed in my city is around 1k p/m now. LHA is nowhere near that so if she didn't own a property she would, like many who don't own, have to use several hundred pounds of her pension just to meet the rent. So yes, owning a property outright is huge benefit. She can sell and downsize somewhere smaller and cheaper freeing up cash for a start.

She was saying about paying tax on it so must be over the tax threshold and that was before the AA which at the higher rate is about another £500 a month, with no payment going out for housing costs etc

AA isn't taxable so doesn't affect things.

A small extra pension of around £100 a month is enough to put your MIL into paying tax.

OP clarified later that she didn't - one of her 'moans' was that she wasn't going to get it....

She may feel poor compared to the amount they received as a couple on pensions compared to her as a single person with the same or very similar outgoings.

The same way you feel poor but another poster has indicated you have unnecessary outgoings that you choose to make.