Saying they are poor but they are not?

[Orangesandlemons77]

I keep getting told by elderly MIL how poor she is 'on the breadline' but she really is not.

She owns her own house, gets her state pension and her husbands from when he was employed, then also gets attendance allowance, which adds up to quite a bit.

Bit she keeps going on about every penny and how much things cost, the winter fuel allowance etc - she has quite a bit more than we do and we need to budget for four.

Anyone else got this? What is it about I wonder?

Owning a house is irrelevant to how well off she is in reality if her income doesn’t match her outgoings. Houses are expensive to maintain and run and it’s not like she has a landlord who is responsible for paying for upkeep.

Everyone is feeling the cost of living is high at the moment, so it’s not unreasonable for an elderly person on a fixed income to be worried about finances.

Is she just complaining for the sake of complaining. Or can you suggest she sells and down sizes?

she has quite a bit more than we do and we need to budget for four.

Why does this mean she’s not poor - surely you’re just poorer? Honestly if she gets ‘quite a bit more’ than you with just pension and entitlements you can’t be making that much and that’s probably clouding your judgement.

It doesn’t sound like she has a lot and I’m sure she worry’s about bills, cost of food etc…

Old and poor Vs younger and poor.

Older is worse, especially as they can't do anything about earning more.
However I know some relatives who always feel poor and in reality are not. This is because they compare themselves to wealthier friends. Could this be the case?

I'd also say that some older people really do struggle with getting good deals online for things like insurance, and end up getting absolutely fleeced by the rolling annual renewal (which they just accept, and think loyalty still counts).
My usually savvy mum was paying ten times what was needed on house insurance.

Also all the basics HAVE absolutely rocketed, if you're on a fixed income it's scary.

I don't think AA is that much. My mother gets about £70 -£80 a week at the lower rate. Your mil is probably living on about £350 a week, just over the threshold for pension credit/ WFA with her husband's pension. I'm not surprised she's pissed off at that. It's just about manageable in the better weather, but add in things like your winter electric bill arriving, a broken appliance, Christmas presents to buy for family...she's not well off, unless she's got a mountain of savings and doesn't want to touch it.

My Nanna gets state pension and £300 of my late grandads. It's not a lot and I do think when they are alone it's normal to be worrying about the future.

I didn't know how your MIL husbands pension gives her but I think if you are 2 adults trying to live on similar per months as my Nanna you are doing something wrong or not claiming something you could be

Depending how much she gets from the husband’s pension, it doesn’t sound like much. Owning the house is irrelevant. And she’s running a house all by herself with an income that isn’t likely to rise. That’s scary for people.

Thanks for the replies, she is fine regarding money, I am wondering about 'delusions of poverty' and possible early dementia perhaps

https://dictionary.apa.org/delusion-of-poverty

? No, she didn't get it, that was what she was complaining about.

She’s probably noticed, as everyone has, how much more expensive things are now, and feels poorer by comparison to how she was before.

@Orangesandlemons77

No, she didn't get it, that was what she was complaining about.

I don't know how long she has been a pensioner but the winter fuel was introduced around 25 years ago. I don't think it's wrong for pensioners just short of the 'low income' bracket to have a bit of a loan about losing it.

Her husband's pension may not be that much, the spousal pension is 50% of the original pension amount if you're lucky, and can be a lot less. She'll be having to run a house that's the same size as before but with that cut in income. The utility bills don't halve when one person passes away - you could check she's getting the single person council tax reduction and is on the cheapest tariff for gas/electric.

Yes, by the sounds of it she's paid off the mortgage so doesn't have that outgoing but difficult to access the money that is the house without moving or taking equity release. Is downsizing to somewhere cheaper to run a realistic option?

The price of things now must be horrifying to her. I know I'm shocked at the prices in shops and cafes so it must be worse for someone a lot older. I understand the reasons for it, but she may not have any idea what minimum
wage is now or that businesses will be paying higher NI contributions.

Is she getting free or cheaper things she's entitled to? Bus pass? Is there something she does regularly that is now too expensive eg meeting a friend for a coffee?

Or she is just a bit unhappy she isn't getting the fuel payment and making it known she hasn't got a lot to go around. You don't need to medicalise this.

It's a bit more than a bit of a moan, it is constant, going on and on about it, it is also quite recent, other relatives have noticed it as well. I'm going to keep an eye on it and a couple of other things, such as she keeps repeating herself.

I think there is a kind of disconnect with some older people where they believe themselves to be worse off than they actually are. There have been a few similar threads on here, where people's well-off parents have been incensed about losing their heating allowance and saying they won't be able to heat their homes etc., despite actually having quite a lot of income. Delusions of poverty is interesting, I do think it is probably linked in some cases to early dementia and other health problems.

Does anyone else have access to her money?

mil was like this, constantly complaining she had no money. Turned out someone had got hold of her bank cards…

Um, are you looking at my other posts, bit weird, also this isn't about me!

I have had a lot of it over the last few weeks to be fair, but I am concerned as well. hence posting here on the elderly parents board.