So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 4

[StiffyByngsDogBartholomew]

continuing from our last thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/5036546-so-bloody-exhausted-waiting-for-someone-to-die-3?page=40&reply=140073671

What a gift you gave to your Mum @GoldenSpraint, the kind of peaceful end everyone wishes for. Peace to you both.

@GoldenSpraint So sorry for your loss, there is nothing like it. It’s never easy. You spent lots of quality time with her and it sounds as though the end was peaceful and that’s a blessing. Thinking of you today and in the coming days and weeks. There are no rules on how you will feel, just go with it . Your DM is at peace and you have done her proud. Remember that. Sending good wishes.

@GoldenSpraint Such a beautiful end to your Mum’s journey. The sun shining and birdsong. So perfect and peaceful. Wishing you strength in your solitary journey going forward and thank you for all your support. It’s really meant a lot to me. xx

So sorry for your loss @GoldenSpraint.

Be kind to yourself now, you’ve done so much these last few weeks/days.

So pleased that your Mum had such a peaceful passing, and that you were able to be with her. I hope your memories will bring you comfort in the days ahead. Sending love.

My DM passed just before 3am today, almost the exact time of day as my father did many years ago.
What a journey we’ve had @GoldenSpraint, it’s been so similar and oddly comforting for me, almost as if I wasn’t alone.
Mom had been put on the syringe driver yesterday afternoon and had no breakthrough pain or anxiety after that. My younger son sat by her until midnight whilst I napped on the sofa for a couple of hours then I took over and he went to bed. I sat in the chair next to her with her favourite big band music playing quietly on a dvd and talked to her about all the concerts we had been to together. From quite noisy breathing it gradually became slower and during her favourite “Moonlight Serenade” it became very soft and slow. I said to her that I knew she wouldn’t go whilst I was in the room (a very private person and a bit stubborn!) so I told her that I was going downstairs to make a cup of tea and she could go then. I hugged her and opened the window a crack, when I came back, she gave 3 deep slow breathes and was gone. Probably the best ending that was possible by then.
Everything seems so strange now and I’m sure that it’s the same for you and everyone else going through this. Wishing you all strength

Sending you much love @Cupofteaneeded
And to you @AgitatedGoose for your continued vigil

Mum is being picked up at 7pm, the first time she's been out since last September.

So many emotions today, I'm going to miss her unconditional love, her support, her friendship. We were so close despite our ups and downs over the years. She was and is everything to me.

I am bitter about how dementia robbed us of so many good times, but we persevered and pushed back as much as we could. Nothing took away love.

I spoke to the funeral directors this afternoon and I'm getting exactly what Mum would want. A beautiful coffin from Colourful Coffins that the directors will order. All my plans are acceptable to them and the whole thing sounds absolutely what Mum would cherish.

I think I must have said I Love You to her a thousand times over the last 24 hours we had together, and I held her hand pretty much all of the time.

The only bit I'm not looking forward to and won't like is the period between them picking her up, and her cremation. I'm going to feel very bereft without her, and will be looking forward to the day I get her ashes back.

Thank you everyone for your support over the last few weeks. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

So sorry also for your loss @Cupofteaneeded. My nurse friend told me she used to open a window for patients too, it’s a comforting thought.

@GoldenSpraint when MIL died 6 years ago (unexpectedly) DH found he was so busy with phoning people, making arrangements, etc that he didn’t actually have space to draw breath and process what had happened for a good week or so. As she had died just before a bank holiday we had to wait 3 weeks before we could hold the funeral so there was a very strange waiting period then.

Sending love to you both @GoldenSpraint and @Cupofteaneeded , sad times but you did your loved ones so proud.

@Cupofteaneeded @AgitatedGoose thinking of you both at this tough time. Look after yourselves.

Thank you all for your good wishes, such a supportive group of people! And good advice and words of wisdom from those who have "graduated " too.
I wonder how long my immediate reaction to events is the thought "must tell Mom, that'll make her laugh" will be. At the moment, being without her around seems unimaginable

Sending love to @GoldenSpraint and @Cupofteaneeded .

@Cupofteaneeded Sending love and heartfelt condolences. x

catching up with some of the pages on here since I last wrote.
im so sorry to read of the losses, so difficult and personal, yet so peaceful too.
You have each given so much love and comfort to your DMs, you will look back and know you’ve done your best.

I was here under another username a few months ago whilst supporting my DF through end of life care. I ended up back reading through as I mull over events a few months on. I’m so sorry for those of you have lost a dear parent recently. It’s a hard time.

I just wanted to thank you. Reading the emotions and hearing the love expressed here has brought me a lot of peace as I try to process my Dad’s final weeks. My thoughts are will you all.

@AgitatedGoose

I'm wondering how things are with you and your dad. Hopefully everything is peaceful and winding down, and that you can join us soon in the graduation group.

I've been thinking about you both.

❤️❤️❤️

@GoldenSpraint Thank you for thinking of me and I hope you’re ok. Sadly my lovely and brave Dad died at daybreak this morning. I’d spent three nights sleeping in his room at the hospice and must have missed his last breath by minutes. It’s been a beautiful day here today and I’m glad the sun was shining. I feel heartbroken, lost and alone at present as I have no immediate family left.

@AgitatedGoose im sorry to read your update. You have been amazing, please remember that. The feeling of emptiness is gut wrenching. Your DF is at peace, no more pain. Take care of yourself .

@AgitatedGoose I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Be kind to yourself, you’ve done so much in the last few months/weeks.

@AgitatedGoose my sincere condolences. No matter how ready you think you are, and how much you want the “release” for their sake, when it actually happens it is so devastating. You did all that you could and, in time, knowing that will be a comfort to you. Look after yourself

Sending you much love ❤️❤️❤️

It was just Mum and me, too, so I empathise with you.

Be kind to yourself, @AgitatedGoose and go gently xxx

Sorry for your loss @AgitatedGoose. You were with him in the room and that's enough, no one can go for days without sleeping sometime.
I have been thinking of this thread while watching the updates on Pope Francis, funnily enough, who seems to be receiving artificial ventilation now. I wish they'd just let him slip away, he is a very sick old man and his body is spent. Aggressive medical intervention to prolong the life of the Pope seems to be the ultimate irony!

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing?

I posted here a while back, feeling so helpless this morning. My father is back in hospital after a couple of months in a nursing home. He had an infection, but seems to have rallied. But he is unhappy. My mother at home is frail and riddled with arthritis, and got stuck in bed this morning. She is resistant to suggestions of more carers for her, sensible things like a key safe. We spoke last night that she feels guilty about letting him go into hospital last year, which was the last time he walked. Although she accepts there is no cure for what is going on, she is unhappy about everything.

I live 4 hours away, by myself with pets and work that have to be managed. I can think of so many options to make things easier but she will not accept them.
I find myself praying that they might just die in the night and that makes me guilty, but I think that is what they both want.
where is the dignity and choice. 🥀

@Userccjlnhibibljn8 plenty of understanding hugs (or manly shoulder punches, if that’s what you’d prefer) from me.

It’s so tough when they won’t recognise that there are things that can be done to help, if they’d just accept them.

I hear you on the distance, I’m a good 3.5 hours away from my parents, with work and primary school children to juggle. My husband is great and understanding, but there’s still so much frustration (on my part) that I can’t split myself in two!