Holiday insurance and dementia problem.

[picklemepopcorn]

I know you will appreciate my quandary. DM has last minute booked a holiday, without consultation with anyone. It leaves this Friday.
It’s totally unsuitable. 🤐🤯

Can we cancel and get it covered by insurance? I’m concerned about her wellbeing as it’s an arduous trip. She also can’t actually get to it, at the moment.

I think she would cancel if she thought she’d get her money back.

Any ideas or wisdom from previous experience?

She’s 84 and may or may not be suffering dementia. Which she may or may not have declared when she bought her annual travel insurance a year ago.

I don’t know. We don’t have PoA.

Any idea where I can go for help? AgeUK will be my first phone call.

I think you have a grace period to cancel unless she went into a travel agency. Look at the T&Cs. I would be surprised if travel insurance covered the booking of an unsuitable holiday though.

If you are unsure of dementia, has she been to the GP for an assessment? A dementia diagnosis does not prevent travel or obtaining insurance. It requires a bit more planning, but perfectly doable, certainly in the earlier stages.

The only way to claim on travel insurance is to have a medical certificate saying she can’t travel and why. I don’t think dementia on its own is a reason for not travelling.You say it is unsuitable but why? Does it involve a lot of walking? And why can’t she get to it? Insurance won’t cover a cancellation just because she booked an unsuitable trip or because someone has changed their mind.

The insurance won't cover it but might be covered by the distance selling regulations, depending on how it was booked?

She booked it through a travel agent. She’s quite upbeat this evening, though was very down this am.

I’m worried because it’s a North Sea cruise in a small ship in November. I’m worried about her being unable to move around the ship and getting injured. She’s quite frail. It’s going to be cold and rainy and rough, though at least inside the ship should be warm and dry.

She can’t get there because public transport to Tilbury Docks is a bugger and she shouldn’t be driving. I think she’s resigned herself to a taxi, £150 each way from the coach station to the ship.

I know how difficult cruises can be for the infirm- we have a family member who was helicoptered off, and how difficult that was .

How the hell she’s going to manage her luggage- which probably weighs more than her- I don’t know.

I wish she’d discuss before taking impulsive decisions an expecting me to resolve all the challenges. 😅

I was hoping insurance or consumer protection might kick in because she’s very determined, and wouldn’t dream of losing her money. But I’m very worried she won’t cope. I hoped I’d be able to suggest she cancel and book something more suitable. ☹️

Can you or someone else go with her?

No. It’s two weeks, unplanned, leaving this Friday.

And even if we had no other commitments, sharing a cabin with her for two weeks, I wouldn’t survive. The Christmas fortnight is challenging, and that’s with DH and the kids running interference to protect me!

She may have an awesome time. Or we may get a call that she’s been helicoptered off to a Norwegian hospital, and I’ll need to go and sort everything out and bring her home.

Could you ring the travel agent and explain? They probably won't discuss her booking with you due to data protection but you could get an idea of whether it is totally unsuitable and how much help there would be if she turns up with huge amounts of luggage or can't manage on board?

I bet it's not the first time this has happened. I've seen garden trip holidays advertised with a disclaimer underneath that there is considerable
walking involved and it isn't suitable for anyone who can't walk far. Which implies they've had problems in the past.

Dm probably was similar age when she did her last cruise. I doubt you can claim on insurance or get a refund. I suggest your best bet is with the agent especially if she booked face to face. Many operators (ie. Saga, Fred Olsen) offer transfer door to door. In dm experience the ships are good at helping elderly and have medical facilities available on board.

I think you are in an impossible situation as unless you have a situation where someone is acutely unwell, no one can step in to stop an adult making their own decisions, even if those decisions are unwise. Your best luck is to try and persuade her otherwise or get another family member/ friend to try and reason with her.

How much is the cost of the cruise? How well off are you? If the issue is that your DM doesn't want to lose the money, can you ask for copies of her insurance policy etc and then say that you have spoken to the insurers or whoever who have agreed to refund 60/80/100% of the cost and just transfer the money to her yourself? Clearly not an ideal solution but, having had a stubborn grandmother who liked to get her money's worth, it was the sort of thing we had to do in her later years (although only for a few hundred, not the thousands that this will no doubt cost)

Great suggestions all. I wish wish wish she’d book with saga or similar so it was a bit easier. But she’s still coming to terms with having to pay single supplements, let alone anything else.

They did offer transfers, but there’s no room on the coach.

The way she is tonight, there’s no way I’d be able to change her mind. I think we’ll have a chat at Christmas, see if we can get anything sorted out like PoA.

I'm on this cruise!

I can look out for her. I'm a single traveler too. Message me if you want to.

She’s tiny. Feisty. Talks 19 to the dozen! Good luck! I do hope you get awesome Northern lights, it would make it all worthwhile!

Are you absolutely sure she won’t manage? I’m wondering whether your previous experience of someone having to be evacuated has made you excessively cautious. Were they injured?
I’d be inclined to let her pay for the taxis to Tilbury and let the staff handle her from then on.
If I understood you correctly she doesn’t have a diagnosis of dementia, is that correct?

I’m not sure she won’t manage.
I am sure she didn’t think through any implications- weather, clothes, travelling to the port.

She’s impulsive and determined, always right, when she’s wrong it wasn’t her it was someone else that should have stepped in etc.

She does what she wants, not what’s wise.

My previous experience is influencing me, because I know how traumatic the whole business was, and yes because it’s bring up bad memories. So you are right.

At best she’ll have a great time. At worst my fears will be realised, causing chaos to quite a few people, and possibly suffering enormous distress herself. Realistically it will be somewhere in the middle, with her being full of complaints about the cold and the seasickness, but not come to harm.

She is a high maintenance woman, used to being well wrapped up and comfortable.

@GreatTheCat you’ll probably pick her out, find her charming and great company, and think I’m an interfering, ageist fusspot. Are you an old hand on the elderly parents board? It is one of those complicated families, where you don’t get to have a sensible rational chat about how to proceed!

when she’s wrong it wasn’t her it was someone else that should have stepped in etc.

Hm, that puts the whole thing in a new light - if she has a miserable time and then bangs on for ever more that you shouldn’t have “let” her, that would be very frustrating. But you can’t win - if you talk her out of it she could bang on for ever more about the time you Stopped Her Going On Her Dream Holiday.

I'm a little confused - does she actually want to go or not? And if the former, does she at least have robust travel insurance?

It's a good idea to get a POA sorted. But it wouldn't particularly help in this situation, in that she could still book unsuitable holidays on impulse and then insist on going. The travel agent/insurer would speak to you about it if you had POA, but I doubt it would lead to a refund.

As it looks as if the trip is going ahead, I hope she returns safely and having caused no bother.

Even with poa it would only apply if she were deemed not of capacity.

It depends how the POA is set up. I used my mother's POA without anyone deeming either way, she just agreed I should start using it.

The health POA they have to lack capacity. The financial one it's up to them or you can help them out with financial affairs before they lose capacity.

Does the company offer any other cruises that are more suitable eg better transportation to the start point? They may let her transfer even if they won’t refund.