Anyone have a relative in a mcarthey stone? Need advice

[Edinlassy]

As the title says really am in need of some advice from anyone who have experience of a relative living in one of these.

long story short we are reaching a point where they are making noises that my mum is no longer independent enough to live there. As she owns he flat outright I am wondering what happens when they decide she is no longer eligible to live there. How do they force a sale?

many thanks

They don't force a sale. However these types of properties sell very slowly and when your mother has to move into a care home or dies, the service charges continue to ramp up, eating into the capital.

What does the contract say about the level of social needs that can be supported?

We had this. We were able to keep the manager on side and put in place extra external care support plus meals on wheels. Thankfully our relative then peacefully passed away. We probably held off the requests for them to move out for 3yrs plus by the time they died.

And yes, selling the place was another massive stress and challenge but we took some comfort that our relative died in the place they wanted to, and we were willing to take the extra hit of dealing with the sale in exchange for knowing they died exactly how they wanted.

Issue I am having is my mum is refusing them entry to do the mandatory 3 month life safety checks, she is also baracading her door so carers can’t enter. She won’t even allow me in anymore. There have been complaints from neighbours about the smell coming from her flat. They have called me telling me they are at the end of the line with her and I need to sort it.

You need to contact her GP for assessment and the mental health team for the elderly (via GP). Sounds really difficult.

Ugh this is horrible to deal with, sorry. What does your mum say about it? Will she talk to you?

Do you have POA for her? Because if not then no, you don't have to sort it. You might want to of course but you don't have to. There will be a procedure they can follow that she probably signed up to when she bought the flat, maybe in the leasehold or something, but some people have no family to sort this so they must have a way through it. It is just easier and cheaper to make it your problem.

However definitely it sounds like a GP visit is needed if she will accept this. Are you aware of any medical conditions that might lead to this? Or it could be something easily treatable like a UTI if it's come on suddenly.

As said, you have no legal obligation to do anything and they have no way of making you sort it.

No this is not a new thing sadly. She is in hospital 3 times a week for treatment and it was them last year after a lengthy hospital stay who said she could go home after 7 weeks (they sectioned her) only if she agreed to carers 4 times a day.

Social work say there is nothing they can do if she won’t open the door they just continue to send them 4 times a day it’s crazy. I can see her getting forced out as the Manager has had enough and now with complaints coming in I just know the flat is going to be absolutely vile.

Did she sign a contract to live there? What does the leasehold of the flat say?

Should have said she refuses to allow me to activate the poa. I have had a look through the contract but it is very very wooly around what happens in this type of situation. As she owns the flat I just can’t see how they force a move as it’s certainly what they are hinting as now

sadly it sounds like the Mental Health team need to be involved and it may be down to your mother being sectioned again. There is little you can do I would not be sure but I think if it continues maybe the Warden would have powers to involve the appropriate authorities. Is her GP aware of the situation or her Mental Health team who were supporting her before? maybe you could contact MIND they are very good and might be able to suggest the best thing to do

My guess is that there is nothing they can do except try to fool you into thinking that you are obligated to deal with it.
They could perhaps try to have her sectioned?

@Edinlassy I can’t know for sure, but I imagine they will say she is in breach of her lease. That will be a very long legal path for them to go down. I haven’t seen the legalities in this case though, obviously..

As kindly as possible op, I think she needs to be sectioned. The NHS shoukd meet the bills in that case as it means she needs specialist nursing care.

Changing locks need doing, get her sectioned, unfit to be alone at home, sorry this is awful for you and her

It is horrible but you just need to let the process happen (whatever it is) and tell your mum that it's what you're doing. You're not obliged to talk to the M&S officials at all, though obviously it's better if you do if you have something to communicate. As you don't I would just tell them so.

Could you show the contract to a solicitor ? You usually gzt first half hour free? Might be worth paying a little to have the knowledge to fight your / your mum’s corner better?

If it was me I don't think I'd be doing anything to make life easier for McCarthy and stone ... bloody racket that they run 🤬

@Bonbonnes thats a good idea actually. They are saying they need access to her flat by Monday at the latest but she is refusing. It’s a really tough situation as I do what I do for her out of obligation she is an awful awful woman and always has been. She has absolutely nobody else but me through her own behaviour. Her health dictates she is extremely vulnerable and in all honesty is not managing at all anymore.

i offer to clean for her, i used to just go and do it but got a puppy which made it harder as I couldn’t take him in her flat as there was so much crap he would eat on the floor so I haven’t been in for a few months to the point now she will only meet me downstairs. My kids don’t want to see her and it’s just one stress after another.

I said to her I will come clean your house on Saturday and explained I had had a call from the manager. She went crazy saying my house is clean don’t your dare so now I just feel enough is enough. She shouts at the carers to f@@@ off when they come to the door. She is only 69!

Drop the rope op. M&S can't make you do anything. It might make support services act quicker of it comes from them, not you, in any case.

My late mother was in an Mcarthy Stone and in her early stages of Dementia kept wandering into the corridor at all times of day and night. I kept getting calls from "Care Line". There is something in the T&Cs where they can ask for your Mum to leave the complex if they deem your Mum is not suitable to continue to live there. You will need to get SS in to do an assessment of her mental capacity. You can activate the POA without your Mums permission - we did as long as you are one of the named individuals.

@Gunz that is very helpful thank you. So sorry for your loss x

Assuming her behaviour isn’t new and she’s always been a nightmare - just change your phone number and leave them all to it. Fuck that, it’s not your problem.

@Cobblersorchard christ I wish I could but she literally has not another soul to look out for her. It makes me ill being around her she is negative and nasty about everyone and everything always has been. But I’m stuck in this bloody situation. I can’t explain just how vulnerable she is but it’s pretty severe but she refuses all help.

Even my husband is saying I really need to go sort her flat out but I took the decision when she refused carers to step back and let her see that without me doing everything she does need the help. However with her absolute stubbornness she would rather sit in her own shit (that’s the last thing I had to clear up) than admit she needs help. She smokes cigarettes stubs them out and throws them on the floor. I can’t get over here just how bad her living conditions have become and I can’t face going and doing it all again. I don’t honestly know what to do