Everything was negative

[Ribenaberry12]

Spent the day out with my parents today and noticed that they their interpretation of EVERY thing and everyone was negative.
Guy on car parking wasn’t very good.
That area isn’t roped off very well.
Not paying that for a sandwich.
Theres too many people.
Theres not enough people.
This beer’s flat. (It wasn’t).
AD INFINITUM
They also expected everyone to short change them. Expected everyone providing a service to do it badly. Weren’t warm or friendly with anyone. I got embarrassed with they way they were talking to some people. They viewed everyone and everything as if they were out to get them. Couldn’t seem to have positive interaction with anyone. When I called them put on it they couldn’t see anything wrong with their attitude. I couldn’t understand it if they’d had a shit day but they hadn’t, they said they had a good time. I can’t understand why they’re treating people like they’re going to be ripped off or badly served. WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM???
I’ve come home baffled.

I have no idea but it's the same here. If we ever take my DM anywhere one of us usually walks behind her as apologising.

I remember hearing about a study that showed old-looking people tend to get worse service than young people. Young people can be impatient and lack understanding. And maybe some things really were better 'in their day'. Just accept that the world looks different to them because their life experiences have been different. You can't change them.

Is this the first time they've been noticeably that way op ? How old are they ?

I'm sorry to say this is probably the beginning of endless negative droning on about anything and everything. You learn to ignore it after a while.

Yup. Can relate. Coffee too cold, what young people wear these days etc

urgh I know- its so draining. I get that when people get older they often have pain and tiredness but it really isnt an excuse to treat people poorly- they wouldnt like it!

The sad thing is- its self fulfilling prophecy, if you act negatively and look for it, you'll find it but thats because people are responding to your attitude so you get exactly what you are looking for. Its a shame as change of attitude can make the world of difference.

Oh my god what is it with them needing to have everything heated up like a bloody volcano. My dad always has to ask for hot milk if we have coffee out because "otherwise the drink goes cold" despite always having cold milk at home. And never ordering a cappuccino because they are overpriced.

They are old and the world has passed them by and they are bitter as a result.

Have they always been like this or is it new?

I realised mine has always been negative but has got worse. I mostly deal with it by not seeing them too often, doing something else at the same time as they drone on if it's on the phone and fact checking anything that isn't true - they take everything they read in right wing media as the truth!

I feel comfort in that I’m not alone, thanks all.

They’re in their 70s but they are both still really active and in good health. I think that’s what I don’t understand about the attitude - life is good for them! And it seems to have come on in the last year or so. They’re just so bloody whingy about everything. It’s so frustrating. I think I'm
just gonna have to treat them like little kids, not feed the negative and then they’ll get bored and realise that gets them no attention. Honestly though, it’s embarrassing. We were in a shop and they started needlessly criticising the poor girl behind the counter to me under their breath. I just wanted to die.

We’re going out for a posh meal next month for a big family birthday and I’m dreading their behaviour now. :(

Mine will look for the negativity and slip it into everything, even when it’s got nothing to do with the topic.

”Of course that top she was wearing to go to the shop doesn’t suit her what with her unfortunate colouring” = perfectly normal woman wearing perfectly normal top.

“Well when she cooks the fatty food she prefers, it sets off her smoke alarm, she should really watch what she eats before she dies because of her obesity” = neighbours smoke alarm went off briefly.

It’s awful really. Such a shame.

My dm got like that. It took over from her constantly envying the neighbours for having better things than she did.

It was exhausting.

Mine have started coming out with weird stuff, that people walking past are staring into their windows and cards driving past are being inconsiderate and loud. They are looking for things !! It’s so odd. They also do this at my house, so they think everyone is out to get them regardless of where they are.

another thing they do that freaks me out is they interpret everything as being nasty that someone says to them . If they are mowing the lawn and a neighbour comments “it’s a lovely day for mowing” my dad will start saying to my mum “ did you hear the sarcasm ? “ and repeats the phrase in a unpleasant tone- it’s honestly so odd.

My nan is like this. Always was like it, but markedly worse the older she gets

I just zone it out and hope I find more to be cheerful about as I get older and it won’t be doom and gloom!

Being retired means spending a lot of time together. Negativity is infectious I've found. Sometimes I pull my fun sponge DH up on it, sometimes I ignore, sometimes I agree for peace.

Where do you think the expression "Merry widow" came from 🙈😂

My in laws are like this. We tend to say something like “oh dear, maybe that person you’re upset about has had a bad day” and then change the subject otherwise it’s never ending.

Oh god yes - talking about people when they are right there 🥴.

Honestly though, it’s embarrassing. We were in a shop and they started needlessly criticising the poor girl behind the counter to me under their breath

What would they say if you said "thats not very nice is it?" and challenged them about it?

Same with my parents and DHs parents. They whine about younger people vaping even though they all smoked from age 11ish.

everything back in “their day” was better until we remind them “it’s STILL your day. You’re both still alive and active enough to try and enjoy life”

😂 then they whine about how their childhoods were hard, their parents were awful and unloving, school was sexist, jobs were sexist, wars, poverty, only crisps for tea, protests and then they finally agree it wasn’t better back then at all 😂

Happens every single time!

If I do that I get the silent treatment.

It is a thing of joy.

Bring their behaviour up with them and ask them what it’s about & to stop it!

“then they whine about how their childhoods were hard, their parents were awful and unloving”

Yup.

Yes! And they are all active participants in giving silent treatment, blocking people on FB or going No Contact altogether…They all do it as if that’s how they were taught to deal with minor criticism in their developing years.

we have 8 parents between us due to remarriages and they’re all exactly the same with this.

Love them dearly. It is hard work and I’m pleased to have been able to rant so thank you for this thread. It makes me feel less alone as the struggles have had me in tears in the last 4 weeks as I’m stressed about how they’d all cope as they become older.

Thank god MIL is not like this at all, and dearly departed DM was an absolute ray of sunshine 99.9% of the time (although she did take against 1 in 1000 people and woe betide them).

Kind of a win/win then? 😂

I think I'd be tempted to say it just to get some peace

Do they use Social media? My MIL reads so much scare mongering stuff on FB that they’re now scared of their own shadows. Like you say - think everyone is out to short change them so they misread a situation and jump in to ‘protect’ themselves when it’s not needed. It then comes across as rude. Annoying thing is they tell the children untrue things. We tried pointing out that FB is often untrue/one person opinion/out of context but they’re adamant they know best. We just don’t eat out or go anywhere with them as it’s too much hassle, quite sad really.